What to Say to a Partner Who Wants to Get Kinkier Than You Do

Reader bklynbug said the following in response to our post “Your Call: He’s Kinky, She’s Vanilla, Is the Relationship Doomed?”

One word: dialog.

You say he’s mentioned it a few times, but it doesn’t sound like the two of you have really sat down and talked. Seriously. Clothes on, at the kitchen table, cards all laid out. Kink and vanilla are terms with fluid meaning. I think I’m fairly vanilla; my friends think I’m the kinkiest fucker on two legs (on my back is too easy). Tell him what your fears are. And your desires. And listen, really listen, to his. There may be some common ground that will make both of you happy (maybe not handcuffs, a silk tie loosely wrapped – the illusion can be a powerful aphrodisiac) . If not, give him a get-out-of-jail-free card to explore that side of his sexuality without you. Or better yet, visit a dungeon with him and watch (set ground rules on what you *think* might squick you out). You never know…

Could you choose between love and kink?
BDSM Saved My Life But Is Ruining My Near Perfect Marriage