4 Reasons Why It’s Good to Take Turns During Sex

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Our contributor Jewely Hoxie studies Human Sexuality at the University of California Santa Cruz (read her blog here). She has this to say about the importance of taking turns…

I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in having this ever-present fantasy of succumbing to someone else completely — someone who’ll give me a pleasure power-hour. You know the kind I mean — all eyes on you, teasing as well as devouring. Well, what if I told you that you and your partner could both fulfill this fantasy for each other, all the time!? Taking turns doesn’t mean twiddling your thumbs while you wait not-so-patiently for your turn — it could actually be your answer to even more satisfying partner sex (and remember, sex doesn’t just mean intercourse). Here’s how and why…

1. Fewer Distractions, More Appreciation

  • Seeing as taking turns is basically the opposite of 69, I have to mention this particular act, though I already covered the pleasures and perils of 69 earlier on this site. However, distractions are seen in other sex acts outside of 69. The passionate I-can’t-keep-my-hands-off-of-you act, and touching each other everywhere at the same time is great, but can also have its limitations. Completely embracing your partner’s touch may be difficult if you are also thinking about about what to do for them. You may run the risk of being too much in your own head — does my partner like this? Should I mix it up? Should I stay where I am? Etc etc. Sexual anxiety can quickly creep in.
  • You can be fully in tune with your own body when it is your partner’s turn to pleasure you. Remember that concept of when you lose one sense, another is heightened? It is kind of like that — when you aren’t thinking about what to do next to your partner, you get to fully appreciate what they are doing for you.
  • Finally, it’s a true exercise of the desire you have to pleasure your partner, as well as the admiration you have for what your partner can do for you.

2. Differing Tastes

  • When it’s your turn to do the pleasuring, you get to create the sexual setting and performance all on your own. If you are both trying to turn each other on at the same time, you could get caught in a difference of mood. You may want to tease them, while they want to simply jump your bones that minute.
  • If your partner likes to move one way and you like to go the other way, taking turns is a great way to engage in those separate preferences without having to fake that you like something and not actually get off. And hey, you might actually find yourself liking something new just because you love seeing how much they are enjoying themselves. That whole classical conditioning thing.

3. Team Building

  • When you take turns getting each other off, you can’t simply rely on your amazing pheromone compatibility or staring deep into each other’s eyes. Taking turns brings you to a place where you get to really know what your partner likes physically. Technique matters more, because you can feel everything a lot more.
  • It’s important to become experts at sex with each other. This means always educating yourself on what your partner enjoys and how you both fit into that.
  • It fosters communication in bed! Taking turns creates an open space for conveying to one another what doesn’t work, what feels good, and what feels better (e.g., instead of both of you grabbing for each other’s genitals, she can guide your hand while you finger her).

4. No Guilt for Not Giving; No Dissatisfaction for Not Getting Yours, Too

It’s a win-win situation. ‘Nuff said.


One Comment

  1. While I still think you’re still stuck on the 60’s version of 69, I agree completely that if you don’t learn to take turns then you’re missing literally half the experience of sex.

    We still disagree about 69 though. It’s particularly fun precisely when you take turns instead of trying to give each other 1970s-style “simultaneous” orgasms.


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