Wise Guys: Are Most Men Amenable to Anal Play?

photo by rhys alton
Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “Finger up the bum during other amorous acts — yay or nay for most guys?”

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): Well this is one situation in which the gay world veers off wildly from the straight norm. For two guys, a finger up the bum is almost always a welcome, even expected event during foreplay. However, it’s no secret that most straight guys are outrageously squeamish about anything to do with their “back there,” god forbid they do something that might seem gay. But the more adventurous and open-minded guys will reap the benefits of their experimentation: a prostate massage is an incredibly unique and pleasurable experience.

anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (Max): Alas! Most straight men will never be comfortable with anyone’s finger anywhere near their bum, let alone inside of it. (The obvious exception being the pat on the ass among teammates after a sweet move during any given sporting event). Sure, we’ve heard that you can orgasm from simply touching the prostate gland, but straight men are so terrified of being categorized as anything but straight (butt straight) that they will stick to their hypocritical guns and never let a lady friend in their “back door”. That being said, I think the combination of other acts and a finger in certain places can be extremely pleasurable and it’s mostly the issue of comfort with one’s own sexuality that prevents men from such sexual liberation. If you think your man is open-minded enough, I say go for it. If he gets all “butt hurt” about it, you can pretend it was an accident. “Whoops! Didn’t mean to put it there…” I’m sure he’s used the same excuse himself.

wiseguy_benStraight Married Guy (Ben): Probably Nay for most guys – which is really a shame cuz it’s awesome. So, if you do want to go there, the best way to do it is the same way that most all guys get introduced to bum pleasure – by “accident” when a finger “slips in” during a particularly hot and intense blow job. Sure, it’s subterfuge and not entirely consensual … so be prepared to apologize profusely for your “mistake.” But odds are he’ll be thanking you very quickly in a very specific way.

Honorary Wise Guys (Em & Lo): Um, stop the presses! We just have to butt in here: Under no circumstance should anyone pretend to accidentally penetrate their male (or female) partner’s bumhole (or any other hole for that matter)! Not only is that totally uncool, it’s not consensual and could be dangerous. The anus and rectum are made of delicate tissue that’s not self-lubricating. You go poking around back there willy nilly, without preparation (e.g. lubrication, evacuation, inclination), someone could get hurt, physically and/or emotionally. Remember Aesop’s fable about the wind and the sun? Trying to muscle your desired outcome like the wind will only result in your traveler buttoning up against you, but with a little warm sunshine and a light touch you can get the traveler to happily loosen up and let go of his cloak.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Gay Guy is Jon Ross, who works for a network news program and lives in Brooklyn with his husband and two dogs; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New York City. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. I think more straight guys like anal penetration than admit it, due to stereotypes that women are just as likely to hold as men. I am a straight guy who has always craved anal penetration. The only women who really pleased me in bed were those who enthusiastically fingered me. My first serious girlfriend was WAY into it, insisting on fingering me even when I wanted to top her. She reinforced my kink and made it central to my sexuality.

    I love everything about anal penetration…the exquisite pleasure felt in my anus, the prostate stimulation, the emotional intimacy and feeling of trust and vulnerability, and the sense of role reversal. Sometimes she precedes penetration with enthusiastic licking of my anus and testicles and also fellatio. I am a lucky, lucky man. The orgasms are fantastic.

    Judging by all the articles about the subject, and all the porn and erotic stories centering on women giving men anal pleasure (analingus and strap-on dildo videos by the thousands online and on DVD) I’d say this is an underreported phenomenon.

  2. ^The age-old “accident” ploy is ineffective anyway. You can’t just jam something into someone’s butt – it won’t work. You’ll just give them an uncomfortable exterior jab.

    Best place time and place to test your partners butt threshold for the first time is the shower.

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