Wise Guys: Do Men Ever Turn Down Casual Sex?

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do guys ever turn down casual sex? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (Jamie): My own experience with casual sex is a bit limited.  I was always a “girlfriend guy” and it was only between relationships that I occasionally had the chance to get freaky with someone I wasn’t dating.  I’m sure there are plenty of reasons why a guy might choose to go home to his Xbox over a no-strings-attached BJ, but in my case it was almost always because the girl was way too drunk.  Call me old-fashioned, but there’s just nothing sexy to me about that slack-jawed, half-lidded stare from some girl in a bar who spills most of her drink wobbling over to you to invite you home.  The couple of times I did go home with someone who was far less than sober, the sex was always overly urgent and awkward and (shocker!) I usually regretted it.

Straight Single Guy (Chris): Yes guys do, contrary to popular belief, turn down casual sex on occasion. The number one reason given, “That bitch was crazy!” It’s really simple. Guys love casual sex when it is actually casual. If the chances of the girl going sideways and stalking, calling every day thereafter, or crying hysterically is too high, the risk to reward ratio is simply not good enough to take the chance. In all likelihood, any guy who is trolling for casual sex has a handful of booty-call numbers in his phone anyway, and isn’t scared to use them.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): Gay guys turning down casual sex is like Tara Reid turning down a drink, but it does happen from time to time. The reasons can include just about anything from “I’m too drunk” to “you’re too ugly,” to “I’m going shopping with my mom,” but I find the most common reason guys turn down casual sex is because they’re in or starting a more serious relationship. And straight guys? I don’t think they’re any different from gay guys in this respect (except for, perhaps, the shopping thing). To a lesser extent, guys abstain from doing it no-strings to avoid passing on any temporary if nasty bugs. Gotta be clean!

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross and our Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



  1. Yes, we do.

    There are times that someone who intends on being a lover just isn’t right for us. Unless one such has established being trustworthy and comfortable to be around, then passing on offered sex is the only way to go.

  2. Hat’s off to Johnny’s answers! Right on all points!


    I know I’m supposed to be retired and all that but I can’t help noticing the way the answers were framed by the question. The only time a man is likely to “turn down” casual sex, as opposed to, oh, say, initiating casual sex is when he the one being solicited. And we’ve got a lot of societal momentum against men being solicited for sex, period, let alone for casual sex. Thus the implications that there’s probably something wrong (slack-jawed, “wobbly” drunk women, “crazy bitches,” and maybe rabbit-boilers) with women who solicit men for casual sex.

    Hmm. I see I’m still a curmudgeon after all these years.


  3. Sure, men turn down casual sex. We do it because:

    – we’re being faithful to a partner
    – we’re not attracted to the woman
    – we like the idea of casual sex, but the reality fills us with fear and anxiety (something most men won’t openly admit).
    – we already hit that and aren’t interested anymore.

    Much more shocking is how frequently men accept casual sex despite being almost totally disinterested. We do that:

    – to prove our manhood
    – because we’ll take what we can get in times of scarcity
    – to momentarily forget our pain over another woman
    – because we just can’t stand to see a woman’s sad face when we reject her.

    Guys should really turn down casual sex more, if anything.

  4. I should clarify that I found the aforementioned women attractive but not “lust inducing”.

  5. When I was in college (and after), I had a few opportunities to have sex with women that I knew. I ended up saying no because I wasn’t really attracted to them, and thought that our friendship would have been problematic afterwards. I should also mention that I was actually saving myself for the woman that I thought that I was going to marry.

    As it turns out, I ended up falling hard for someone who later turned out to treat me horribly.

    If I could do it all over again, I don’t know that I would want to have casual sex with someone I didn’t know, but I would have liked to have had sex with the various casual friends who were interested. I wonder how my life would have turned out had I done that instead.

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