Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do most straight guys secretly want to have their bums explored by their girlfriends/wives? Like, even if they don’t admit it, and they’d never ask…deep down, are they curious?
Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): When they’re together, straight guys tend to avoid anything that could sound even remotely homosexual. Not even a metro guy will tell his buddies how much he enjoyed the ass-play he got last night. This makes it hard to gauge how many butt-buffs there really are out there, but for me I can easily say no. No curiosity, no secret enjoyment. I’m probably in the minority here, but to me it’s sort of like a stray finger up the nose while making out: not terrible, but not particularly exciting either — just off-target.
Straight Married Guy (Jamie): I really think this has to do with the guy’s own level of homophobia. If the guy is open-minded and comfortable in his masculinity, then it’s just something else to try in the bedroom. However, I personally know a few guys who are otherwise pretty sexually adventurous, but who feel that any attempted ass play from their partners is a deal-breaker. Of course, these are the same guys who still think it’s funny to make “fag” jokes about each other in public. I think, for guys like this, asking for some anal attention would be too big of a threat to their warped sense of masculinity.
Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Let’s face it: The prostate is the prostate. Your nerve endings don’t care whether you like to have sex with boys or girls; when something feels good, it feels good. It’s possible that even ten years ago I would have answered differently, but twenty-first century porn has changed my mind: Sites like Seancody.com and BrokeStraightBoys.com, where supposedly straight men have sex with other men, are wildly successful. And I do think that at least some of these porn actors are straight, or at least straighter than they are gay. So this makes me think that there has to be something intriguing enough to them about the idea to overcome what’s left of the taboo. And this is with other men! So if very experimental straight men are willing to let other men explore their bums, then yes, I suspect that your average straight man is definitely interested in having his female partner explore his bum — even if he won’t admit it.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
I have always enjoyed ass play but never was comfortable enough to ask for it or tell anyone guess i was a little homophobic an nieve but now my wife knows she found out in all the wrong ways but says she accepts it it just pissed her off i didnt tell her. Now i want to completely open up to her and experiment further because it is an incredible feeling. Im not gay did question it for a few years but am far from it. but to all those who try to brainwash us into beliving for what ever reason that this sort of thing is wrong shame on you its because of the standards you people set forth that anyone like me is morally wrong and make us feel a shamed of ourselves until it finally comes out and we realize its not that big a deal. i am so pissed at myself now for being ashamed of it. more power to those who enjoy it be open be honest if your partner decides they dont like dont push they may still experiment with you and maybe just maybe itll change their mind while they are blowing yours.
But to anyone else dont judge it isnt fair maybe someone thinks your morally wrong for car you drive or the house you live in.
live peacefully live happy and enjoy life it only happens once.
OMG, you ARE a homophobe. If people didn’t do things that had risks associated with them, we wouldn’t do anything. get off your high horse and enjoy life. You only live once.
Omg obviously wrote a lot of paranoid bullshit. If you don’t do extreme things and always use lube, you’ll be perfectly fine.
And for the topic: it’s pretty simple, butt is butt, it’s a universal body part and not just a female attribute. so it’s perfectly normal if some boys like it the way we girls like it.
I am 81 years old and gay, but I have never liked anal penetration with a penis or a toy. I love being rimmed and gentle fingering of my ass, however. The notion that all gay men like to be fucked is just as inaccurate as saying that no straight guy would want any ass play.
Jeez, guys, get over it. Supposedly young people are much more comfortable about homosexuality, but God forbid if anyone suggests that a straight guy might be gay. Relax and enjoy yourselves and stop being so obsessed with how gay you might be perceived.
Enjoying some ass play is neither gay nor straight. It’s like changing in the locker room – you don’t need to act like little girls when showering with your clothes on for fear another might might see your penis, and therefore, GOD FORBID, you are suddenly gay.
Here are just a five reasons why you shouldn’t take it up the arse. And no I’m not homophopbic or overly sexually conservative. I just have respect for people I love and do not want to give then a serious medical condition
1. The actual muscles responsible for holding the rectum in place are surprisingly NOT that strong, these muscles will progressively weaken over time regardless of if anal sex happens but anal sex will SPEED up this process.
2. There is a medical condition known as rectal prolapse (or pink sock to some) that is caused directly from the act of anal sex, it actually tears the inner rectal walls of the rectum and cause them to become weaker, over time its likely that they will become so damaged that it will not be able to hold itself in and the walls of your rectal path will actually collapse in on itself protruding OUTSIDE the body resembling the appearance and size of a pink sock.
3. There is also a risk of causing small tears to the inner rectal walls which can be highly hazerdous and potenially quite dangerous, unlike the vagina, the anus is not lubricated and therefore friction can be a problem. You need to be really careful with that area because small tears in there although small can still easily become infected. All it takes is a little fecal matter to seep into the wounds and you could have yourself a SERIOUS infection.
4. There is a risk of anal leakage, through use over time. The anal muscles will weaken and your bowls will not be able to hold thereselves in.
5. .Once weakened, you will have no choice but to go forward for surgery to smallen the gape.
6. Continues acts of anal could also than go on to causing prolapse
7.It also heightens the chances of anal cancer.
And before you comment please note, I am not homophobic, or overly sexually conservative. I just have respect for people I love and do not want to give them a serious medical condition, or kill them.
Have to say I think anal sex is an incredibly disrespectful thing for a man to ask a woman he cares about to do. The fact that the anal area does not lubricate; anal tissue easily tears; regular anal penetration can loosen the anal hole so much, that the woman might end up having to wear colostomy pants; you can’t go for anus to vagina because it will – I reiterate – WILL lead to bacterial infection, and it has to be final sexual act during sexual intercourse because of bacteria and concerns about hygiene. Shouldn’t all that be enough set alarm bells going. Apparently, the general consesus is some of the main reasons men like anal sex is because the anus hole is tight, it’s taboo and it’s it makes the man feel dominate. What about the women? I’m sure some may like it but most probably do it because they don’t want lose their man.
And what happens when the poor woman’s anal hole becomes too loose for the man liking due to all that penis penetration. What’s he going to do then to ratchet up his sexual kicks? Stick the penis up her nostril or in her ear? I’d love to know how many heterosexual men would let their girlfriends regularly stick a used dildo up their anus hole. For crying out loud. Step away from the porn sites for a bit you’re obviously becoming too desensitized
So my boyfriend introduced my to my ass about three months ago. I had no idea it was fucking awesome. But it is. It has many nerve endings. It likes being licked, it likes being stroked, it likes being fucked. That’s just how it is (though so far we can’t manage anal sex because he’s a big boy and we’re using training toys to try to make room without pain.)
He, I knew going into this relationship, had a fantasy for strap-ons. Which I thought was odd but I’m experimental and if he liked it and I didn’t HATE it? I’d do it occasionally. Why not? Also I’m a dom and he’s a sub and it’s a good way to put him in his place sometimes. But I admit, I was curious why he liked it and he said he’d show me if I asked, and he did and it was /awesome/.
He is not gay, not even close. Doesn’t find men remotely attractive. But he likes his ass, and mine, and I’m so glad the ass has become a part of our lives!
(also, showering YES definitely if tongues are going back there. If just hands, meh, I just wash up after. Also it’s good if I have him in the shower to use a bit of soap and two fingers to clean outside AND in. I feel more hygeneic that way, and hey. It feels good.)
Confused…
I can tell you after a long life of very interesting and heated sexual encounters…cleanliness comes first.
Our bodies beautiful as some may be carry various harmful entities that in their customary environment are just fine. Bringing them as they say “into the light of day” is another thing altogether. Before entering into any heated, sexual act, number one for anyone…
Take a thorough shower, even porn stars know the importance of this simple, delightful, act.
But, a shower does not clean a persons rectum, unless extreme effort is made prior to the sexual activity. Again, you’ll find this within the higher end sex industry who know full well the importance of such wisdom.
Bottom line (pun intended) DO NOT suck anyone’s finger that has been in a rectum, it’s asking for trouble in about 24 hours.
Do NOT have your finger in your ass and then masturbate! You transfer everything to your vagina, his mouth, your insides, and again a very dangerous infection can take place.
Smart sex, is recognizing reality. Take a class on microbiology and not unlike getting your fist DUI, will your perspective change for the good & his too.
Take the proper precautions and have at it,
And live to have at it another day!
Okay. So here’s the thing…
I have never had a guy ask about this until now..
my boyfriend is into a lot of the same things as me, like hitting and choking and what not. I am very open sexually so I was happy to oblige this request of his.. however.. I am not sure how I feel about it. I mean I get that he likes it, but at the same time, he wanted to suck his own fingers.. the problem I have is that logically I am not okay with this for sanitary reasons. I masturbate and sometimes use a finger in my ass, but I HAVE to wash my hand and finger thoroughly after. So I feel like I can’t get past some of these hang-ups of mine. And I worry because I am thinking, is he going to want this every time I give him a blow job? I just keep thinking about it, and don’t know if I am into it. I realize that in a relationship you do things that you may not be completely fond of to please the other person, but it worries me I keep thinking about this. Any thoughts would be helpful…
Never had that experience till I had an affair with a lesbian who wanted to experiment. She slowly lubed & entered me in such an erotic manner it blew my mind. I’m pretty straight when it comes to the man/women dance, but I have to tell you, I would love to meet a straight women who was into ass play as this women was. She fingered me for about 20 minutes till I cum as she masturbated me. I will never, ever, go back to mission/doggy as “the best options” only…
Any women who enjoys this type of sexuality is numero uno on my list. My ass is yours!
I’m a straight married man and I am crazy for anal play. I wouldn’t have married my wife if she weren’t into playing with my ass. The physical pleasure is mind-blowing, and the emotional experience is extremely gratifying. Anal play has nothing to do with sexual orientation–the notion that it does is an unfortunate myth.
Any man who has never been rimmed or anally fingered is missing out BIG TIME. I suggest using an enema, washing well, and bending over for your girlfriend. It’s wonderful having your anus licked and then penetrated with a finger or a toy, using lots of KY Jelly. Not only does it feel great doing it, the orgasms (which usually require simultaneous masturbation or oral sex) are INCREDIBLE!
PERHAPS bi? Miss, your husband is most definitely bi.
So there’s your answer to that. Now the question is how you handle it. Whether or not you can deal with it is an entirely personal thing.
Good luck.
My husband who claims to be straight, perhaps bi has been with men, woman & trannys.. Ive used a strap on with him and i used to enjoy it… Im not so sure these days about his sexuality and it kills me.. seems like the porn he watches is all geared anally given from all of the above stated.. I understand nerve endings being nerve endings and all, but i once thought it was the fact that I was giving him this pleasure was what was exciting him most, but when he chooses to anally stimulate while masturbating it makes me feel like all he wants is dick, no matter where hes gettin from.. Ive also indulged him in his fantasy to dress up in lingerie and be “taken”…. I am so lost.. I dont have a normal sexual desire myself, which is what i think made me okay with his preferences.. but i just dont know.. im feeling so hurt and lost and i know this isnt like a venting sight but i just had to get it out….
I own an Aneros prostate masssager. I use it when masturbating and while having sex with my wife. The orgasms are mind blowing. I am not gay, I love women and my wife. The only thing that makes you gay is if you are attracted to men.
I’m straight (as in sexually and emotionally attracted to women), but thoroughly enjoy when a man fucks me. The feelings ti provides is amazing–something that a woman cannot do (even with a strap-on).