Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What is the general consensus on women with big labia, or longer inner labia, or dark labia? Does it really matter? With the rise in labiaplasty surgery and all the adult men’s mags only showing only “neat and tidy” vulvas, it’s hard to figure out if this is just some manufactured porn ideal or a vast preference among men…?”
Gay Single Guy (Daniel): If this is anything like the reference for cut versus uncut men (which would be the only way I could relate to this question, frankly), I’d have to say it’s probably just personal preference and if most of the men’s porn rags have neat and tidy, then that might just be the preference of the magazine editors. Big, dark, longer inner, whatever, it’s probably safe to say that a general consensus among men is CLEAN labia. After that, I’m sure it’s not a deal breaker.
Straight Single Guy (Mark Luczak): Cosmetically, a woman should feel completely comfortable with herself — confidence in oneself and one’s appearance is key. If you want to go to a dermatologist for help for vulvar and vaginal issues, that’s totally fine. There’s no shame in it and some women, especially those who have given birth, will feel more comfortable in bed if they get work done. I also understand women wanting to take any number of healthy avenues (diet, working out) toward as much visual improvement as one desires. At the end of the day, it’s totally up to personal preference.
As far as the male consensus, let me just say that if everything looked exactly the same, think how boring that would be. Those adult magazines simply don’t do justice to the great “variety” that is out there! Anyway, everyone being different in their own way is what makes us all special (not to go all Mr. Rogers). But seriously, if a guy is with someone he wants to be with for who she is as a complete person, how her labia look doesn’t really matter — he’s just thrilled to get to be intimate with her, and all her parts.
Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): I’m not a fan of plastic surgery, but I concede that not everyone is blessed with the same perfect proportions as me — that is, a big enough head to comfortably support some seriously outsized features.
So I understand why someone would get his or her nose done. After all, it’s out there for all to see, at all times. As for people whose face is the secret to their success, the pressure to have photogenic features has meant that movie stars stretching back to Marilyn Monroe have been getting their faces “fixed.”
The same is true for porn stars and their most valuable assets, their professional pussies. Either the big, long and dark labia are all being nipped and tucked, or they aren’t making it off the casting couch. But whether they’re being physically cut, or simply being cut in the editing suite, “imperfect” labia aren’t finding their way into pornography.
While this may be creating some impossible standards among men (and women) who can’t distinguish between fantasy and reality, for the rest of us it should be liberating. If your genitals aren’t frequently exposed to countless viewers, as long as they work, it doesn’t much matter what they look like. If you trust someone enough to let them down there, you should trust them not to put some alien porn ideal before your feelings or, more importantly, their chances of getting laid.
Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook of Most Likely To; our Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
Thank you figleaf!!!! Very interesting insight into porn.
I think Candice has a point. The guys are saying that we should be proud of what we have and not get surgery, but it does sound like something you would tell a person when you didn’t want them to feel bad. Try reading the column aloud to your wife or girlfriend and see if she lets you between her legs tonight.
I guess the answer is, some guys do care and maybe porn is making a difference to them. I’m with Judy – I’m glad this kind of pressure wasn’t around when I was young.
I like not having hair on my vulva because the sensations are better during sex. My active sexuality is directly connected to the fact that I am a woman and not a girl. Ergo, the pubic hair comment loses logic. Plus, this is supposed to be an article about things that would otherwise require surgery to physically alter; save the pubic hair debate for another article. I don’t want people telling me what to do with my own body hair any more than I want to be told what to do with any other aspect of my appearance. Pubic hair is not relevant here, and the debate itself is far more than tedious anymore.
Figleaf IS one of our rotating Wise Guys, plus we regularly feature him in our “Comments of the Week” because he is so sharp. Do a search for “figleaf” on our site to see many of his stellar contributions.
Wise Guys schmize guys
I say give figleaf his or her own column!
Not exactly.. What is of much more importance down there is your PRESENCE of pubic hair ; regardless of amount, PERIOD.. i.e. DO NOT REMOVE ANY OF THE HAIR ON YOUR VULVA.. It is all beautiful & mainly designates that you ARE a woman vs. a girl..
Not sure I understand Chelsea B’s comment. No one in the article was saying labia need to look good, but instead were celebrating the difference. I hope that was in response to comments that were deleted by Em & Lo and not a misreading..
Thanks Bill…Wow…now I’m horny @ work!
btw… seems like a moot point to ask a gay man about labia preference? I mean come on…
Ladies, rest assured that the variations of that beautiful flower you’re sporting are not a subject for scrutiny with any but the most inexperienced and juvenile men.
Personally, I’ve experienced a good deal of variety in the feminine form and the only time I’ve ever been turned off was when there was a lack of hygiene, and that was a deal breaker.
As to the labias, those magnificent folds of pink or brown flesh, that create such visual excitement and immediate hunger…trust me, thrust them forward, arch your back and present them proudly. Any good man will take that as a cue to french kiss them deeply, to savor the feeling of them slipping between his lips and tongue and he will linger there for quite a long time.
First let’s talk about labia since that’s the main question: I think it’s a good idea to think of labia the same way you think of, say, ears, scrotums, tongues, or elbows — maybe in isolation you could say some are super-duper cute and others are unsightly. But a lot like elbows or scrotums how they look doesn’t really really matter because who sees them in isolation?
Now let’s talk about labias in porn, since that’s the context of the question. At the end of the day a heck of a lot that happens in porn has at least as much to do with production and distribution as it does with what’s actually erotic.
The sometimes grotesque positions would be one: there has to be a clear line of sight for the camera. “Money shots” would be another big one: wiping semen off skin takes a 10th the time it takes to squeeze it out of one’s orifices. Which takes us to the next oddity: while you’ll see plenty of semen (and, even more commonly, fake semen) you almost never see natural lubrication. People in porn evidently go through a lot of towels, in part, because the alternative is paying a lot more for laundry, upholstery cleaner, and rental damage deposits. (How erotic is that?!?!?)
Tiny labia are another possible fallout: biggest “soft-core” porn companies pay a lot of attention to markets like hotel pay-per-view, and nations or states that are willing to tolerate porn as long as it doesn’t go “too far.” And one big measure — best exemplified by Australia’s domineering Classification Board — is “discreet genital detail.” By which they mean literal or no visible labia minora.
With a result that, for instance, visible labia are photoshopped over or even right out of existence. Or, even better, unaroused models with very small labia are preferentially hired, and therefore are preferentially viewed.
The problem with these shortcuts, time-savers, and censorship avoiding techniques is that without countervailing real-world sex education a lot of viewers end up believing that’s not just what people are supposed to do (money shots? seriously?) but also how they’re supposed to look (tiny labia? seriously?)
Anyway, for really stupid reasons porn shortcuts end up having very real consequences. It’s definitely worth pushing back on this and other porn-induced cliches: It doesn’t feel as good when real men ejaculate outside their partner’s bodies. I’m pretty sure “reverse jackhammer” positions don’t feel good for anybody in real life. And, especially, real women get aroused during sex and real women don’t have airbrushed labia.
figleaf
I’m not a teenager and it would be unfair to say that after teen years, you grow out of being self conscious because we all know that it not true. Seriously, admit it to yourself.
And I think we all know from experience, if you are naked in front of a guy, and he sees you have longer inner labia hes not going to say “ew, get dressed and leave. RIGHT NOW” No. He’s going to be glad your naked and hoping you’re not thinking about his extra stomach hair or the way one of his balls is bigger than the other. Big deal. No one cares. But it doesn’t make me any less self conscious. That’s how humans are.
Agree with Chelsea B. Usually, the guys who post here are like ‘nope, that’s crazy,’ so I was surprised to read this piece about the beauty of an organ I do not even see in my day to day life. So basically, if you don’t have a porn body, guys will think you’re gross. Thanks.
Amen to that Candice! When I think back to my teen years I could never have imagined that in addition to clothes, make-up, hair etc.,there would be a time that one’s most private area would be subject to scrutiny. Jesus, I am so glad that I grew up when I did when the world was less pornified.
I tend to think this obsession with the appearance of genitals is pretty much a modern and American thing. I am still bemused by it. People are struggling to make ends meet and find their soul mate and they care about the appearance of labia? Being of mixed race, I am exactly what is portrayed by some articles in the media as unattractive, yet have never had any negative feedback. In contrast, 100% of partners have found me fascinating and attractive. It’s about attraction and chemistry – genitals are not meant to look pretty, but to be functional and feel good. When everyone is happy and excited they will not worry about genital fashions or fads. Have confidence in yourself and worry about important things like values, fitness, health, personal development and grooming. BTW – we all know porn is a big fabrication of someone’s imagination – the real world is heaps more exciting and wonderful! Don’t let porn take away your self confidence or enjoyment of the real world! hrummph!!!!
So basically you are all saying that it does matter, you’re just being nice about it. So no long dark inner labia, they AREN’T preferred. If it’s what it in porn, it’s what in. Those are the facts, as you’ve stated. Great…I’m not going to get surgery and thankfully I’m in a long term relationship with someone who loves me. But if I were single, I’d still be self conscious after reading this article.
I think all labias are beautiful.