Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What is the general consensus on women with big labia, or longer inner labia, or dark labia? Does it really matter? With the rise in labiaplasty surgery and all the adult men’s mags only showing only “neat and tidy” vulvas, it’s hard to figure out if this is just some manufactured porn ideal or a vast preference among men…?”
Gay Single Guy (Daniel): If this is anything like the reference for cut versus uncut men (which would be the only way I could relate to this question, frankly), I’d have to say it’s probably just personal preference and if most of the men’s porn rags have neat and tidy, then that might just be the preference of the magazine editors. Big, dark, longer inner, whatever, it’s probably safe to say that a general consensus among men is CLEAN labia. After that, I’m sure it’s not a deal breaker.
Straight Single Guy (Mark Luczak): Cosmetically, a woman should feel completely comfortable with herself — confidence in oneself and one’s appearance is key. If you want to go to a dermatologist for help for vulvar and vaginal issues, that’s totally fine. There’s no shame in it and some women, especially those who have given birth, will feel more comfortable in bed if they get work done. I also understand women wanting to take any number of healthy avenues (diet, working out) toward as much visual improvement as one desires. At the end of the day, it’s totally up to personal preference.
As far as the male consensus, let me just say that if everything looked exactly the same, think how boring that would be. Those adult magazines simply don’t do justice to the great “variety” that is out there! Anyway, everyone being different in their own way is what makes us all special (not to go all Mr. Rogers). But seriously, if a guy is with someone he wants to be with for who she is as a complete person, how her labia look doesn’t really matter — he’s just thrilled to get to be intimate with her, and all her parts.
Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): I’m not a fan of plastic surgery, but I concede that not everyone is blessed with the same perfect proportions as me — that is, a big enough head to comfortably support some seriously outsized features.
So I understand why someone would get his or her nose done. After all, it’s out there for all to see, at all times. As for people whose face is the secret to their success, the pressure to have photogenic features has meant that movie stars stretching back to Marilyn Monroe have been getting their faces “fixed.”
The same is true for porn stars and their most valuable assets, their professional pussies. Either the big, long and dark labia are all being nipped and tucked, or they aren’t making it off the casting couch. But whether they’re being physically cut, or simply being cut in the editing suite, “imperfect” labia aren’t finding their way into pornography.
While this may be creating some impossible standards among men (and women) who can’t distinguish between fantasy and reality, for the rest of us it should be liberating. If your genitals aren’t frequently exposed to countless viewers, as long as they work, it doesn’t much matter what they look like. If you trust someone enough to let them down there, you should trust them not to put some alien porn ideal before your feelings or, more importantly, their chances of getting laid.
Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook of Most Likely To; our Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
Perhaps we should differentiate with what a man might say when viewing porn and what he might feel when involved in real sex. My observation is that a preference might be expressed when viewing many pornographic images, but that any thought of being picky over labia size just disappears when things are getting exciting. It’s like a lady might compare male models, but not feel that her portly darling with thinning hair is anything but totally the answer to her dreams!
well, I have an opposite “problem” (if it can be defined as a problem)…I have small labia minora (so small, they are only visible if you spread the outer lips)…this seems to be what most women say that they want, but to me , I feel like mine should be at least a little bigger…I wonder sometimes if I look like a “little girl” because I shave also and that’s pretty much what it looks like!…so guys, do any of you think men get turned off by that look? I mean, I look at porn with my boyfriend sometimes, and all of the women who he thinks are sexy have the longer labia that sticks out!!…UGH!
It seems from some of the comments that the only thing the original writers could have said that would be OK would be to say, “No matter what women look like, they are all equally beautiful to every man.” And that’s just not true. People DO have preferences. If you set yourself up to believe that they don’t, then you’re going to fall harder when you’re faced with reality.
I have non-porn-star labia. I would never insist that every man on the planet pretend that mine are gorgeous. What IS important to me is that I not be judged on labia looks alone. I’m a package deal–body, mind, soul. When someone loves me, he loves all of me–and yes, that means in spite of some physical flaws. It doesn’t mean the physical flaws (I have acne, for example) aren’t there. It means they’re not my defining feature.
If someone really feels they can’t be confident in front a man who doesn’t think their labia are porn-star quality… I’m not sure I even know where to begin with that, because somehow I doubt the insecurity ends with the labia question.
Is it OK to NOT be physically beautiful? Can one still find love and happiness? My life says yes.
wow, im impressed. i also use to be concern about my long labia and i have never felt comfortable standing naked in front of a guy, becouse i m so ashamed of how my labia looked like but after reading all these comments, i have gain confidence and i well not be ashamed anymore.
OH and JERRY, a little “man”scaping is preferred. Just a little..
WOW BILL, You sure know how to write. Dam! haha
Well I hope that any women who are reading this article do not question their beauty. I have never met a man who ever said anything except “That was awesome” or “Lets do that again” . 🙂
We are all different, and that is real life!
It’s alot like being offered a ride in the rain by someone in a Porsche over someone in a Honda. I’d be too happy to be out of the rain to complain about the type of car. When a woman trusts me enough, and wants me enough to allow me there, I’m not concerned about hair or no hair, long labia or tiny, moist or dripping wet, dark or pink, I’m just happy to be there.
Of course, as a man, I have preferences, but that’s back to a blue Honda or a red Porsche. Either way, I’m more thankful she allowed me to drive, and wanted to be along for the ride.
Labia, smabia. All looks are intriguing to connoisseurs of sensuality, I think… As for penises, visually all intrigue me but my personal preference for tasting: uncircumsized.
I`m 39, have a beautiful body and love sex. My labia is kind of long i guess, but i have never had any complaints. Who cares? As i said i have a longish labia and have been told I have a beautiful vagina. I enjoy sleeping with men and women. I personally couldnt care less what a womans labia looks like as long as she takes care of personal hygiene. The full package is what counts. Men love real women and real vaginas. They’re so happy that theyre getting laid and so happy that you are into them, they could care less about the size of your labia
To answer Jerry’s penis and Men’s pubic hair question. Its not how big the wand is but how they use it (If they get you off in other words.) And yes of course the man will get off too one way or another.
Now, for the pubic hair question. To me I like “pubies” trimmed closely to the skin not shaved off just to reduce shaving irritation, and if the man does shave instead of just a close trim. Im sorry for him but there’s a risk of ingrown hair and rough stubble that will irritate the woman’s delicate flower (the pussy if you don’t mind my bluntness.)
how about ladies – do you care how mans penis looks like? Would you rather enjoy shaved or all matural?
Figleaf is correct on all counts, but more importantly, I can remember being MUCH more turned off by women who were bizarrely self-conscious about their equipment or thought their own genitals were “gross” than I ever have been about any minor visual differences they had. Confidence and sex drive are far more important to a guy’s positive experience with you than the specifics of whether or not you look like some kind of idealized porn “norm”.
As a fan of porn, a woman’s nabia in porn are
usually quite unattractive. As someone who has decided to get pierced down there and searching through sites, I have realized that we have a much variety in looks down there then men do. As someone who vacations naked a couple weeks a year, it doesn’t matter.
We’re all naked…we all look…we usually don’t care. some look better than the rest..some stand out quite a bit…
But in the end, Like a guy, if you don’t know how to use it, you’re useless.
Guys are much more sensitive about their size then men. It would take an awfully unfortunate labia for a man to think twice about having sex with you. I have never heard a guy said “you know, I’d totally do her but her labia is pretty gross.”
Ladies, don’t worry. The person with the vagina makes the rules.
As long as they do what they are meant to do, Who Cares!
Not sure what Chelsea and Hlynn read but it sounds to me like the guys are saying that labias that are clean, fresh, warm, wet, ready and willing to be touched, tasted, celebrated, explored and enjoyed that belong to a welcoming secure, self confident and sexy woman who is right there with them are all beautiful. Men may like looking at picture perfect in porn but in reality they know there is a lot more to the real deal than looks alone.