Wise Guys: Do Men Appreciate Oral Sex Directions?

directions_gps_drivingphoto by kalleboo

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: How do you feel about being given directions while you’re going downtown? Do you appreciate instructions on what works for that particular woman, or do you feel like it’s backseat driving, or that you’re just a tool or a servant? Is there a way for her to make communicating her needs more palatable?

mark_luczak_100Straight Single Guy (Mark Luczak): Personally, most times I’m thrilled enough to be downtown (I’ll be that kind of servant any day of the week!) that making anything more palatable, literally or figuratively, is low on the list of things on the brain at that moment. But the importance of communication here is representative of the importance of communication in general — trite, as always, but true. A girl that knows her own body well enough to know and share what works for her is a huge turn-on in itself for me. Now, I’ve been told I’m pretty confident and competent down there, which is both flattering and encouraging, to feel like I actually might know what I’m doing on my own. But a little direction — spoken, moaned, nudged by body movement, whatever — that might allow me to take something that’s already working and send it over the edge? That’s hardly backseat driving, that’s the whole point — give me those keys and let’s get in the fast lane!

daniel_100Gay Single Guy (Daniel): This is a great question because how a guy responds to getting direction will also tell you if he will ever be a great sexual partner. No person can totally sexually satisfy another without guidance or training. Period. PERIOD. Great lovers already know this and are open to learning what really turns his partner on. But for those guys who may be a bit more stubborn, I recommend training him with the fewest words possible while you are having sex. This is accomplished in two steps: physically guiding and affirming its effect on your body. For example, say you like you like nipple stimulation while getting oral sex. You should take one of your man’s hands, bring it to your nipple and use it to help you get the stimulation you desire, i.e. pinching, pulling, flicking, etc. (that’s step one — physical guidance). Then you need to moan, or writhe and undulate, or say, “Yeah, more!” (or all three things) so he gets that what he is doing (with your help) is really turning you on (and that’s step two — affirming its effect). Don’t be afraid to play up its effect on you a bit, because the point is to communicate to him that tongue down there + hand over here (doing this, that, and the other) = PLEASURE. Hopefully he will be smart enough to put that combination in his memory and repeat it, or build on it for the next time. After the sex, it wouldn’t hurt if you say something like “I loved it when you did such and such” as he will feel like he was a better lover (stroking his ego a little) and it will re-iterate that what he was doing made the sex all the more satisfying.

anonymous_suitStraight Married Guy (Fred): Like the cliche of a man driving, guys would rather not get directions in the bedroom either. Directions on sex suggest that you’re not doing it right and thus you’re bad in bed. This is the emotional side. On the rational side, guys want to please, so anything that helps achieve that end is welcome. A bit of a conundrum, eh? The solution is to give him directions without letting him know you’re giving directions, Grasshopper. Be silent when he’s off the mark and moan and groan in ecstasy when he’s doing it right. Use words only for the good stuff. If he’s just not getting it, pretend you’re just super into it and grab his head like you can’t get enough. Then you can manually place him where you want. If you feel the need to talk about it, wait until afterward. Then make sure to soften his ego with a bunch of compliments on his technique first.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University; and our straight married guy is shy. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. I lobe to have sex but unfortunately I dont knw how to have it .. The particular direction are needed ! Somebody please help me out!

  2. We want to get our partners off..it feed are egos! Train me, tell me, force me, whichever we just want to be the best, most amazing and incredible you’ve ever had. Not a bad goal right?

  3. As long as she gets to where she is going I love to follow directions, The “Insecure Man” creeps in if she gives up and pulls me up, Its like she is saying “ok stop its not working lets move on”….Sex drive kill big time.

  4. Advice, definitely!

    Just like there really is such a thing as a bad blowjob there’s such a thing as bad… well, anything else.

    Bad, by the way, doesn’t mean bad for everybody. But since everybody’s different, if something I’m doing isn’t working for my partner I’d waaaaayyyy rather she let me know than, say, pat me on the head, pretend to come, not want to hurt my feelings, or… not ask me back.

    It doesn’t have to be directions right then — sometimes you can talk about it before or after too. And you don’t even have to *talk* about it — motion and steering by hand might be enough.

    Bottom line, though: think about it like having your back scratched — it might always feel nice but it’s usually more fun for all concerned if you say “a little to the left, a little up… up… ah… ahh… yeah, right… there!” How would oral be any different?


  5. Yes. Advise. Show me what works and direct me from what doesn’t. No point in sitting there knitting a sweater if you’re bored. It’s like food, if you don’t like squash, I won’t serve you squash. I love to hear feedback – moans, sharp inhalations, rising pelvis, hand on my head and grabbing my hair. Nothing sexier to me than watching her enjoy herself. I want to earn the gold star not just the “good job” comment. REDHEADS ROCK! The redder the better! Pale skin, fire red hair….”Mmmm mmm mmm mmm, Toasty!”

  6. I love it when she tells me where to lick and suck and when she moans and shows she`s
    really enjoying it.I just love to go down there and enjoy and see what I am enjoying,
    the pink and hair around it and the wetness when she cums with the smile of
    coming and enjoyin my tongue inside her.

  7. I always have the woman O in mind when I give her oral. Her pleasure is paramount, to having a great experience.

  8. i just have a question. why is it so hard for guys who are very well endowed to have an orgasm. i have run into a few guys that were very thick and large and it takes them extra long to reach an orgasm. is there a reason for that? or am i doing something terribly wrong

  9. There’s no reason to have bad sex so I communicate as soon as I realize things don’t seem to be going that well. I will tell a man exactly how to get me off if I need to and most get turned on even more when I take the reins. I’m not a pushy person in the least, let me just put that out there.

    I had this one man who was a natural born lover, who just seemed to know how to touch me exactly where, when, and how I wanted to be touched. No coaching was needed as he seemed to be able to read my nonverbal cues. But for me, if I am totally silent and not offering any suggestions or moaning in pleasure it probably means the sex is so bad I’m not going to bother to train the guy how to do it right. I know I won’t bother fucking him again.

    just sayin’….

  10. The mere question about the sentiments of all guys is questionable, as there are upwards of 3 billion of them, all of whom are separate and unique with unique sentiments.

    Regarding the question, as long as the goal is to please, it’s nice to know what sort of things partner prefers,so a bit of instruction is often appreciated. Then again, it all depends on the individual, so generalizing is inherently pointless.

  11. I always specifically tell a guy to instruct me if he knows exactly what he likes. I’ve never really had “bad” or “awkward” sex, and I believe it’s mainly due to this. Vice versa works too–you don’t have to be harsh in giving directions but a guy should be able to handle some pointers, especially since he hopefully recognizes everyone has different preferences and techniques.

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