Wise Guys: How Can I Get My Man to Cuddle More?

photo by Leeni

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “How can I get a guy to cuddle more?”
wiseguy_benStraight Married Guy (Ben): Two ways really. One — I find I’m at my cuddliest immediately post-orgasm, especially if it’s a really big one that comes from an especially intense build-up – like a long blow job, or really slow and deliberate sex (dare I say, “love making?” No. I don’t.) The risk here is that I’m just as likely to be cuddly as I am to fall asleep. So unless you’re interested in zombie cuddles, best to take this route when your guy’s wide, wide awake. The other way to more cuddles – date him for over a year. At that point, he’ll lose interest in sex altogether and only want to cuddle. Risks there too, I guess.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): I think affinity toward cuddling is something hard-wired into the brain (or not) of individuals: some guys are just not into it and some could cuddle all week. But if you’re looking for more comfy cuddles, there are a few things you could try. My man loves massages after a long day of work, or really any time, and he’s putty in my hands if I offer him one. Get some massage oil or lotion, get him nice and relaxed, and afterward he’ll be ripe for the cuddlin’ — and, it can easily lead to something a lot more fun than cuddling. If you’re looking for a couch cuddle, spritz yourself with his favorite scent and fix up a bowl of popcorn or some other food you can share. It’s the perfect opportunity to snuggle in close to your man.

anonymous_suitStraight Single Guy (Max): If you find yourself feeling like your man isn’t cuddling enough, then you face one of two problems. The first, sadly, is that there is something wrong with your relationship. Maybe you like your guy more than he likes you, perhaps his mom didn’t hold him enough, or maybe he just sucks and you should find a more cuddly dude. The second is that you haven’t added enough incentive. Cuddling should (at least sometimes) lead somewhere, and in my opinion that somewhere is either sex or food. Think about it. What man would say no to a lady holding a sandwich?

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Gay Guy is Jon Ross, who works for a network news program and lives in Brooklyn with his husband and two dogs; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New York City. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. My man is the same way. It used to confuse me and make me really upset. So, i asked him about it and he said he just wasn’t a big cuddler.. Trust me, it is better to just flat out ask him why he doesn’t cuddle with you then to try to trick him into it. Usually, the only time he will cuddle with me is when he wants sex. That is just the way it is with some guys. Honestly, if you are thinking of breaking up with him because he doesnt cuddle with you… End it. Because you obviously don’t care about him.

  2. If he isn’t a cuddly person or is quite prickly, work up gradually, starting with initially short hugs when he’s not stressed out. Use a firm touch rather than a light and potentially tickly one. Don’t associate it with being needy yourself at first, just as a fun thing to do to express liking and affection. Rather like how you’d train a rescue cat!

  3. It can go the other way my man is a big cuddler but I like my space, its not just a guy thing.

  4. Um, Ben, if a guy loses “interest in sex altogether” after only a year, something more is wrong than cuddling. Just saying.

  5. eh…my man loves cuddling and he is forever trying to convince me that it doesn’t have to lead to sex – he just likes being close to me. Sometimes it does lead to sex, but i’ve learned to accept the cuddle. Give into the cuddle man!

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