Wise Guys – If Oral Feels So Good, Why Does It Take So Long?

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Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: My guy says getting a BJ is one of the best feeling things I can do for him, but it still takes forever to get him off. That seems like a total paradox….?

chris_diclericoStraight Single Guy (Chris): That may be exactly why he likes it so much. I would argue that guys that are worried about finishing too quickly during sex are worried mainly because your pleasure is directly tied to his. The idea of getting a blowjob where he’s not worried about how long it takes is insanely pleasurable, relaxing, and occasionally mindblowing. When oral sex is done correctly, a woman can bring a man close to the edge and back off several times before allowing him to finish. All of this adds up to incredible enjoyment for him, but none of it means that the actual sensation on the penis is more intense than intercourse. In many cases it is a much more controlled and gentle experience. Then again, I’ve known a lady or two who can sort me out before the first commercial is over. Remember, you’re in control (I’ve been told this is the best part for the woman) and, with practice, you can create an experience as long and drawn out, or short and intense as you like.

Straight Committed Guy (Johnny): In my experience, that’s not a paradox. Almost any woman can make a BJ feel good, but only some have finishing skills. Combine that with my natural marathon-man stamina (circumcision-induced lack of sensitivity? Topic for other threads on this site…), and it’s just not that easy to make me come from BJ’s. But I always love them. Almost. Unless she’s got a crappy attitude about it, or there’s teeth. Ask your dude if there’s any particular technique that’d work for him. And gauge his overall sexual reaction to you  — does he love having sex with you, and usually climax? Yes? Then don’t get hung up on the BJ thing. Focus on your strengths.

Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos): A guy who enjoys a long BJ and takes forever to get off is as much a paradox as helping yourself to seconds and thirds and fourths at an all-you-can-eat buffet. Unless there’s a pesky time limit hovering over you like a gnat, why rush a good thing? Perhaps the question’s not whether your guy enjoys getting his knob slobbed on but whether you, ants-in-your-pants Patsy, enjoy doing the slobbing. In this case, you should do nothing by halves. Practice a two groins, one stone approach instead, where you can both test your limits of endurance and nimbleness, like two athletes elbow-braced and racing toward one gloriously sweaty end.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is Angelo Nikolopoulos, host of an NYC queer reading series The White Swallow; Straight Single Guy is blogger Chris DiClerico; and our Straight Committed Guy is regular EMandLO.com commenter, Johnny. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. In my experience it takes long because of 1 of 3 things. First, when having vaginal sex, our penises usually are the whole way in the vagina. Or as much as we can fit, we like full entry. It feels the best when it’s all the way Granted, the vagina is deeper than ur mouths. But make an effort, atleast half of it. (j ust sucking the head I,is no good) KEEP TEETH OUT OF THE EQUATION. #2 Pay attention. Make eye contact from time to time. We make faces during that will let I know if it’s feeling good. Nothing is worse than I keep getting close to cumming, and then she stops and starts doing something else. Totally losing that stimulation over and over can be fustrating. #3 Use lots of tonge, saliva AND FIND UR RYTHM. Apply this, and you’ll have no complaints

  2. Vaginal sex feels a lot more intense and gets me there faster, but the orgasm feels much better in her mouth.

    I think the fact that there is less stimulation in the mouth vs vagina is what makes me feel the orgasm more with oral when it finally happens. In a perfect session, you get both 🙂

  3. In other words fellatio is a lot like cunnilingus: a magic orgasm accelerator for some but not all (and maybe not most) recipients.

    And like cunnilingus fellatio almost always does feel very, very nice even when it’s not orgasmic.

    Another good all-purpose oral sex tip, by the way: for a lot of people, men and women, responsiveness to oral stimulation tends to go in waves. So unless they seem to be right on the edge, it’s ok to back off and switch to something else when your mouth or neck gets tired. Chances are good you’ll both appreciate the break… and what follows. (As with all things sexual mileage varies so remember the other critical oral skill: communication.)


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