Wise Guys: Is Female Ejaculation a Goal for Straight Men in Bed?

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Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: Is female ejaculation a goal straight guys try to go for in bed? Or would most guys be surprised — grossed out, even — if it happened? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Single Straight Guy (
Megan): One sad truth about men is that what they’ve learned about sex, they have learned from pornography.  They learn that a good pounding is the same as making love.  They learn that facials and blow jobs and dominance are all part of male-female intercourse.  Female ejaculation occupies a very small niche in that lesson book, but it’s a mysterious thing for both men and women.  Some women don’t even know if they have ejaculated before, for example.  Most people don’t know what the ejaculate is composed of, where it comes from, or what volume of ejaculate can be expected.  What color should it be?  How does it smell and taste?  Will it stain?  Will ejaculate transmit STDs?  These are questions many sexually active adults do not know the answers to.  And this ignorance results in several kinds of reactions to female ejaculation:

– There are men — and some women — who strive to experience a shower of love honey as if it were a contest, just another sexual accomplishment they need to cross off their list. And if they don’t — which is common — they feel like failures.

– Then there are the men — and some women — who don’t care. These are usually the same men who don’t care to know whether a woman experienced an orgasm let alone a watery release. They just can’t be bothered to work for it. Similarly, the female variety of this type doesn’t actively fight for her own pleasure.

– Then there are those who are grossed out by the very thought of it and are completely turned off by the experience when it happens to them. After all, ejaculation isn’t very lady like. I have several male friends who fall into this category.  Of course, these are the same friends who refuse to provide cunnilingus so…take that for whatever it’s worth. The women in this category are the ones who’ve been shamed about their bodies and their normal, natural functions. I was with a woman once who was completely afraid of what might happen had we pursued it (she was irrationally terrified she’d poop on me).

– Finally, there are those of us who are curious, do a little research and try not to be judgmental or obsessive/compulsive about it. These are the men who are open to it and enthusiastic about it (especially if it feels good for their partner) without having tunnel vision; and these are the women who are proficient ejaculators who are self-aware and respectful enough to give their partners a heads-up beforehand to make sure they’re cool with it. Unfortunately, this type is a rare breed. So when you find someone who fits the bill, hang onto them.

Committed Gay Guy (Dwayne): Most guys I know are into ejaculation. So what’s good for the gander is good for the goose! The physical act of ejaculating is a pleasurable human sensation — everyone can enjoy it (unless of course it’s associated with abuse).  And it keeps you honest, since ejaculation cannot be faked!


Married Straight Guy (Jake): It’s never been a goal of mine or any of the guys I know. Ejaculation or no, I think most guys are just happy to bring their lady to the summit.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Committed Gay Guy is Dwayne Resnick, a mid-20th-century decorative arts dealer in NY’s Hudson Valley; our Single Straight Guy is The Meeglet blogger Megan, a former librarian whose Men of the Stacks calendar benefits the It Gets Better Project, and our Married Straight Guy is Jake Kulji, a Minneapolis-based freelance writer who blogs at Analogue Living and who has written two Minnesota hiking and camping guidebooks. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

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