Wise Guys: What Will Men NEVER Tell Their Partner?

photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What are some sex-related things a guy will NEVER tell the person he’s dating?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook):  What he really wants to do. Openness is the key to any successful relationship — but only to a point. Just like a woman shouldn’t see her man shitting, she shouldn’t be exposed to the open sewer running through his fantasies. Besides, fantasies are fantasies for a reason; if they were acted out in reality, they could be harmful, icky or just plain embarrassing. A man doesn’t really want a whore in the bedroom, he wants YOU in the bedroom, and a bunch of whores in the dark dungeon at the back of his dirty mind. So do us both a favor, and don’t ask what’s in there.

daniel_100Gay Single Guy (Daniel): My guess here is: previously cured STDs and times when he couldn’t perform.



mark_luczak_100Straight Engaged Guy (Mark Luczak): Generally, there’s a natural chronology to the progression of things, sex-related and not, that are shared as a relationship evolves from courtship to dating to exclusivity and beyond. I’m pretty much an open book, so usually it has happened to be me pushing the envelope of revelation at each stage, just in the interest of getting to know someone better, and vice-versa — it’s all part of the fun, and of course the disclosure of more intimate stuff (turn-ons, fantasies eventually) can be particularly exciting. I can’t think of much I wouldn’t tell eventually, other than some of the truly gory details of previous relationships that for all involved are obviously better left in the past.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; our Straight Engaged Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University; and our Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook, a British writer/illustrator working in Berlin with his photographer wife on their cool blog, Überlin. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. Bryan- Johnny isn’t talking about fetishes he’s talking about the general filthy thoughts that are ever abundant in the man- brain. I’m a chick, btw. And you forgot about one of the biggest staples of male fantasy- teens. I’ll let you mull over that one- when exposed it can cause harm in more ways than one.
    Don’t tell your girlfriend that you have a cheerleader fantasy or you like fantasizing about two girls on one guy unless you want to make her feel sub par- presuming she isn’t a cheerleader or hasn’t expressed an overwhelming magnitude towards a threesome.

  2. @Figleaf:
    “That (statistically speaking, if he’s an average man) he’s had only one third the number of sex partners he claims he has? (Just like, on average, she’s unlikely to say she’s had three times as many as she claims.)”

    That’s a great movie quote and that’s all it is lol.

  3. I’ve got to disagree with James about most of what he said.

    Yeah, most women don’t want or need to hear a running commentary about what’s going through a guy’s head (I specify woman because I know more than a few gay guys who get turned on by that), so we agree on that.

    Beyond that, James appears to be rather fantasy negative in his response. Go ahead and tell your partner what you’re into. That’s part of testing sexual compatibility. In the GLBT community there are 5 magic words that really need to start showing up in the straight community when it comes to sex and sexual interests. Those five words are: what are you in to?

    If a guy has a fantasy of being cuckolded by his partner, she may be into it too. Same goes for if he’s into S&M or BE or piss play, or anything else. The only time that a fantasy could be dangerous to trot out is if he’s into necrophilia, or dismemberment, or what have you. But telling your partner that you want to be slapped around? You’re doing more harm by hiding that from your partner than disclosing.

    I’m very pro fetish and pro disclosure. Look, what gets you off is what gets you off and there’s a 99.5% chance (I’m just pulling a number out of my ass here) that there’s noting wrong with it, so disclose. It’s only when everybody puts what they’re into out on the table that true sexual compatibility can be had. Plus, as soon as you dump the honest foot fetishist because he wants to suck on your toes, you’re bound by karma to end up with a dishonest necrophiliac.

  4. We’re talking about things men might actually think, at least subconsciously, but would never say, right? If so then how about…

    That (statistically speaking, if he’s an average man) he’s had only one third the number of sex partners he claims he has? (Just like, on average, she’s unlikely to say she’s had three times as many as she claims.)

    That those horizontally-striped skinny-leg jodhpur pants make her butt look fat? (Hint: they’d make everybody’s butt look fat.)

    That he doesn’t feel like having sex at the moment (i.e. being honest about it instead of making up excuses.)

    That (if caught cheating) that “she means nothing to me?” (Same with women, of course.)

    That he’s not that into blowjobs or that there actually is such a thing as a bad blowjob?

    That he’d wanted to use the L or M words before she did?


  5. How many women I REALLY hooked up with when we were “on a break”. Women lie their assess off about that too though, so it all evens out.

Comments are closed.