Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “What do blue-balls feel like… is it really that painful, or that big a deal? Is it even a real physical phenomenon?”
Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Blue balls are the testicular equivalent of a migraine headache. They are very real and can be very painful: pressure builds up due to sexual excitement from direct stimulation and has nowhere to go. Imagine having to sneeze, getting right to the second before and holding it for 15 minutes. Now, to be clear, I’m referring to situations where sexual activity has already begun (i.e. handjobs, oral, whatever) and then stopped in the middle for some reason. Mere kissing doesn’t cause blue balls, and those guys who claim otherwise are probably pigs. (To suggest a romantic situation that starts with kissing HAS to end with an orgasm is not only absurd, it’s borderline abusive.) But in those situations where physical contact with the johnson has been initiated by a second party and then arbitrarily withdrawn, it can be not only physically frustrating, but emotionally frustrating as well. It’s like, Why would she do that? Why??? My work ethic has always been to finish what I start, and I recommend this philosophy be applied to the bedroom as well. Of course, guys who find themselves in this situation have a very easy solution: masturbate! Much like Excedrin cures a headache, masturbation will cure blue balls. It’s really quite simple.
Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): Truthfully, I had to look this up. Wikipedia claims it is “the condition of temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostrate region caused by prolonged sexual arousal in the human male.” I say no way. Total urban legend. “Prolonged sexual arousal?” What kind of oxymoron is that? I don’t know any guy who “prolongs” sexual arousal. Sexual arousal in men is like Superman: it’s up, up and away, end of story. Maybe it existed in the ’50s, when people would just “neck” for hours and it wouldn’t go anywhere. But those days are looooong gone. Hi Bristol Palin! And gay-wise? Uh, never an issue. However, if I’m wrong and there really is such a thing, I would sincerely hope they look like Smurf balls — because that would be kind of cool.
Straight Married Guy (Jim): What does it say about me that I’m not even sure I’ve ever really experienced blue balls? All I can say for sure is that not having orgasmic sex is the worst part of not having orgasmic sex. I’d prefer to think this is an evolutionary advance, rather than a carefully cultivated myth I’m ruining for half of everyone. Maybe someone who wasn’t effectively celibate in high school can explain if it’s only a problem with new balls.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Jim from New York, our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter, and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett, owner of the LA PR firm Barnett Ellman. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
I HAVE GOT THE WORST BLUE BALLS STORY I’VE EVER HEARD SO IF YOU KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT THEN I AM DEEPLY SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN. I HAVE BLU BALLS!!! NOW, YOU ARE PROBABLY THINKING TO YOURSLEF “WHAT MAKES THIS GUY’S CASE ANY DIFFERENT?” WELL, I WAS IN WITH THIS CHICK FOR ABOUT 25 MINUTES OR SO AND I HAD TO S–T!! IT TOOK ME A MINUTE, SOME THINGS CAN’T BE RUSHED, TO FINISH AND, NO LIE, I STARTED FEELING THAT AGONIZING PAIN ONCE WE PICKED UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF. SO WE BOTH “FINISHED” BUT I STILL GOT BLUE BALLS. WHAT THE F–K DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS. PLUS, IT IS THE FIRST TIME I HAVE HAD SEX IN QUITE A WHILE. [HMMM…. I WONDER IF THAT IS WHY?] IN CONCLUSION, I WISH THIS PAIN OR SITUATION ON NO ONE AND IF ANYONE TRIES TO SAY THAT WE MAKE IT OUT TO FEEL WORSE THAN IT DOES, THEN YOU CAN SUCK IT!! sORRY, NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE, JUST THOUGHT THAT WAS A GOOD TIME TO SAY THAT. THIS IS LIKE 10 TIMES THE PAIN OF GETTING KICKED IN THE LITTLE FELLAS. NO LIE BUT AT LEAST I DON’T HAVE THAT OTHER FEELING YOU GET, IN YOUR STOMACH, IF YOU DO GET KICKED IN THE PILLS. ANYWAY MY CONDOLENCES FOR BLUE BALL SUFFERS AND BID YOU ADIEU!
I don’t care what any of ya say! If u have a girl of any kind(wife or girl friend) you have experienced “blue balls”. Your in the mood and want some of your lady and she gives only a little but doesn’t feel like having sex, then you have had blue balls! Or if you jacked off and stopped before you came, and then started back up again and stopped again for a few cycles. Then you WILL get blue balls! I warn you! If you jack off and stop before you climax. And keep doing that for like 5 or more times and finally stop without coming at all…them my friend, you will experience the pain of blue balls…but I warn you if you try this, you will hurt like hell!!
Hey guys, this is REAL and no myth…all men are not pigs but real men get erections all the time and not all can be satisfied all the time. today’s story:
today I got to meet in person, a lady I Emailed for a while. She turned out to be extremely attractive… much more so than her screen pix ever showed me. I was floored when I approached her and immediately started to get erect! she also was surprised by my good looks and gave me a ‘hello’ kiss…Boing! well after we walked and talked for awhile we got comfortable with each other and began holding hands and then I put my arm around her…feeling her body get closer to mine…Boing #2! when we walked back to her car, she gave me a kiss , this time with open mouth and Boing #3. after dinner we took another little walk and then the last kiss was with tongue!…well that was #4…I went home so sore I could barely walk normal.
Hey all you experts & doctors, listen to anecdotal evidence, theres plenty out there…we HURT!
I had never known for sure if blue balls was a real thing until yesterday morning. I spent all night in bed fooling around with a new lady friend of mine, then the whole morning after we woke up again. But because she is new and very shy, she wasn’t ready to give me oral or really even touch my genitals (though I did give her a manual orgasm which, slightly hypocritically, she welcomed and encouraged). For much of the time we were fooling around, especially after watching her get off, I was quite erect. I was aroused for at least 2 hours late at night, then another 1.5 hours the next morning, and never reached orgasm. As she was getting ready to leave my apartment, my balls and lower abdomen started to feel a bit uncomfortable. After about 30 minutes, it had reached about a 6.5 on the pain scale. I sat down in a chair and almost cried out because the contact between my junk and the chair was so painful. The pain was concentrated in my testicles themselves, but also more generalized to my penis and pelvic region. I masturbated and took some ibuprofen, and the pain receded in about an hour. But I definitely had blue balls, and hope to never have to experience it again 🙁
I had never known for sure if blue balls was a real thing until yesterday morning. I spent all night in bed fooling around with a new lady friend of mine, then the whole morning after we woke up again. But because she is new and very shy, she wasn’t ready to give me oral or really even touch my genitals (though I did give her a manual orgasm which, slightly hypocritically, she didn’t welcomed and encouraged). For much of the time we were fooling around, especially after watching her get off, I was quite erect. I was aroused for at least 2 hours late at night, then another 1.5 hours the next morning, and never reached orgasm. As she was getting ready to leave my apartment, my balls and lower abdomen started to feel a bit uncomfortable. After about 30 minutes, it had reached about a 6.5 on the pain scale. I sat down in a chair and almost cried out because the contact between my junk and the chair was so painful. The pain was concentrated in my testicles themselves, but also more generalized to my penis and pelvic region. I masturbated and took some ibuprofen, and the pain receded in about an hour. But I definitely had blue balls, and hope to never have to experience it again 🙁
My girl just gave me blue balls today, she thinks it’s funny but the truth is it hurts like hell. I wasn’t even in control, she would crawl on top of me and start riding me(dry humping) and right as soon as she knew I was getting into it, right when I started to grind back, she stops and laughs at me. If blue balls aren’t real, explain why mine hurts so damn much.
I have had Blue Balls twice in my life and both times it was extremely painful. The 1st time when I was 13 my GF was trying out oral sex for the first time, when her mother came home. I slipped out the window disappointed and went home horny as hell. The next morning it felt as though I had been kicked in the nuts. The pain was unbelieveably bad. My balls were so sensitive that any movement sent jets of pain up in to my lower stomach. The second time was during marine corps boot camp. I was close to 3 months without an orgasm when I had a hot encounter with naval nurse that was cut short. I woke up later that night to excrutiating pain. By then I had learned through the grapevine that ejaculation cured Blue Balls. I went to the Head, did the deed, and the pain disappeared.
So I actually found out what causes me to get BB. I always thought it was just prolongued, unsatisfied erections. But I discovered with my girlfriend that even if I have an erection pretty much all day long, I can stop getting BB. How? I just let the erection happen but I don’t encourage it. It’s difficult to describe with words, but basically when a man is erect, he’ll be contracting muscles around the penis area, petting, stroking etc, all for sexual pleasure. I decided I would do none of that, and just let the erection happen, on its own, but just ignore it. Guess what? it works for me! IGNORE your erection guys. Just pretend it’s not there, and definitely do NOT encourage it. Works for me. Of course, the best thing is when I get to undress my girlfriend and do her, but that’s another matter.
I experience very mild blue balls pretty regularly. Like after fooling around with the wife for a while but not finishing the deed, or while having sex but holding back myself so she can come.
These cases, let’s put them at about a 3-4 on the pain scale. It aches, but it doesn’t get in the way too bad. I usually don’t even mention it. On about three or four occasions in my life it’s been so bad (7 or 8) that for some reason it made me feel like I had to take the most painful BM in my life, similar to Dude. Then pushing for the BM made the pain twice as bad. I never got to the vomiting stage, though I did feel nausea. A couple of these times were when I first had sex, since it took me a couple tries to get over the nerves and reach orgasm.
In my experience once the pain has started it’s too late. Prevention is the only cure.
I have definitely had blue balls. Usually it isn’t that bad, but recently I had a terrible case of them. Walking hurt really badly, and I was quite concerned because they hurt for some time, but it went away eventually.
I also agree with the comment that suggested that they would be too sore to masturbate, because I can’t even imagine jerking off after that. It would have killed.
Zoe said: “My question, since I am a female and my husband gets this and masterbating is not an option (We are Catholic), what helps?” END QUOTE
I need to ask, WHY is masturbation “not an option?” There are NO proscriptions against masturbation in the Good Book.
Onan’s Sin was refusing to impregnate his dead brother’s wife (as was demanded by Ancient Hebrew Law, if a man died with no sons, his brother had to marry his Sister In Law and the first Son would be considered the Son of the dead brother. Refusing to impregnate your sister in law was a serious ANCIENT HEBREW law.) His sin was NOT simply “spilling seed” and he certainly wasn’t ALONE or masturbating, he was having SEX with his sister in law and he “pulled out” so the woman wouldn’t have HIS child be called his brother’s child.
It has NOTHING to do with Masturbation. Unless you are also following EVERY ONE of the other 400 and some archaic laws in Leviticus and Deuteronomy, FORGET Onan’s sin, it is no longer relevant. And it never WAS referring to Masturbation.
It isn’t a sin. It isn’t wrong. It just IS. Everybody does it. If your man gets Blue Balls, he can either masturbate, OR, Here’s an Idea: the two of you can just have sex, OR you can give him a Blow Job, OR a Hand Job. There are LOTS of ways to “fix” this, especially easy if you are in a relationship. There is little reason for anyone in a dedicated monogamous living together relationship to SUFFER like this.
I also find it a little hard to believe that HE isn’t fixing this “problem” on his own…..I don’t know a grown man or woman who would allow themselves to suffer like that, when there is usually an easy cure BEFORE it gets too bad to remedy.
I believe he IS complaining about his pain, (who wouldn’t? Two weeks or more out of the month with NO sex via NFP.) but not that he isn’t fixing it on his own. Sudafed? How about a Blow Job? It’s much healthier.
Did you know there is an increased risk of Testicular Cancer in men who don’t have an ejaculation regularly? (Most studies have defined “regularly” as every 48 hours, give or take.) It’s more than just painful, it UNHEALTHY.
blue balls is very real. i have had them for about a day currently. i had them last night when me and my boy friend started to get heated and ended up having sex. during sex and four play the pain subsided and soon after orgasm and ejaculation the pain returned. i’ve had blue balls before and mine always last a day or two. not a few hours like most claim. and ejaculating doesn’t help make them go away for me. they make me grouchy and irritable all day. a warm bath seem to help but only a temporary fix. anyone have any tricks that help them?
In response to Zoe: masturbation is the best way to prevent blue balls. At least for me, it’s the only way. The other remedies relieve the pain a little but don’t make it go away. I guess your husband should try them out and see if they work for him. It’s a good idea to take a strong painkiller as soon as he feels the pain, not when it’s too late.
MC: your experience sounds painfully familiar.. the entire day spent kissing and cuddling, resulting in that john wayne walk… LOL. Glad I’m not the only one. The other day I had to masturbate in the MIDDLE of a date. It was a girl who turned me on like you can’t imagine. I beat off once before meeting her, but only a couple of hours later, after a few uncontrollable, hard erections and massive sexual arousal, I had to pretend to make a phone call to go to the toilet and jack off. I felt the warning signs of blue balls. Luckily that seemed to stop it dead in its tracks. I noticed (again) that when I get to that stage of pre-blue balls or during blue balls, my ejaculate is very transparent and there’s very little actual sperm, it’s mostly clear liquid. It also comes out with tremendous pressure (I got some all over the wall, well above head height when I was sitting down). Anybody else notice this?
I went on a date with a girl that lived quite some distance from me recently, she was a beautiful and very tactile woman, there was a lot of touching hands and stuff, but also lots of kissing.
Anyway by the end of the day i was in so much discomfort, during my time with her i must have had at least 6 erections if not more, i joked about walking with a limp but it was far from it, it was more of a hand in pockets and look around to make sure no one has noticed. Embarrassing to say the least.
Anyway i came on here to find out weather there was something worse going on and i am so relieved that it is nothing too serious, well at least for an Agnostic. If i was you Zoe i would try all of the above good luck. (me i will stick to bashing the bishop)
This is all very interesting, but what would be nice to read here is TREATMENTS!!
What helps?!?!?!
Dude said, warm water and some kinda pill I never herd of. Prb a script.
Wikapedia says, psudophedrine?!?!
someone else said Kegals.
My question, since I am a female and my husband gets this and masterbating is not an option (We are Catholic), what helps?
Does ibuprofin/motrin help?
cold shower? hot shower/bath?
I need to know before I suggest it cause he is usually in a pretty bad mood when we can’t do it (we practice NFP).
Thx