Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “What do blue-balls feel like… is it really that painful, or that big a deal? Is it even a real physical phenomenon?”
Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): Blue balls are the testicular equivalent of a migraine headache. They are very real and can be very painful: pressure builds up due to sexual excitement from direct stimulation and has nowhere to go. Imagine having to sneeze, getting right to the second before and holding it for 15 minutes. Now, to be clear, I’m referring to situations where sexual activity has already begun (i.e. handjobs, oral, whatever) and then stopped in the middle for some reason. Mere kissing doesn’t cause blue balls, and those guys who claim otherwise are probably pigs. (To suggest a romantic situation that starts with kissing HAS to end with an orgasm is not only absurd, it’s borderline abusive.) But in those situations where physical contact with the johnson has been initiated by a second party and then arbitrarily withdrawn, it can be not only physically frustrating, but emotionally frustrating as well. It’s like, Why would she do that? Why??? My work ethic has always been to finish what I start, and I recommend this philosophy be applied to the bedroom as well. Of course, guys who find themselves in this situation have a very easy solution: masturbate! Much like Excedrin cures a headache, masturbation will cure blue balls. It’s really quite simple.
Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): Truthfully, I had to look this up. Wikipedia claims it is “the condition of temporary fluid congestion in the testicles and prostrate region caused by prolonged sexual arousal in the human male.” I say no way. Total urban legend. “Prolonged sexual arousal?” What kind of oxymoron is that? I don’t know any guy who “prolongs” sexual arousal. Sexual arousal in men is like Superman: it’s up, up and away, end of story. Maybe it existed in the ’50s, when people would just “neck” for hours and it wouldn’t go anywhere. But those days are looooong gone. Hi Bristol Palin! And gay-wise? Uh, never an issue. However, if I’m wrong and there really is such a thing, I would sincerely hope they look like Smurf balls — because that would be kind of cool.
Straight Married Guy (Jim): What does it say about me that I’m not even sure I’ve ever really experienced blue balls? All I can say for sure is that not having orgasmic sex is the worst part of not having orgasmic sex. I’d prefer to think this is an evolutionary advance, rather than a carefully cultivated myth I’m ruining for half of everyone. Maybe someone who wasn’t effectively celibate in high school can explain if it’s only a problem with new balls.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Jim from New York, our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter, and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett, owner of the LA PR firm Barnett Ellman. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
I’ve blue balls many times and though it’s quite uncomfortable, I don’t fear it too much. There has been a recent change in the way I typically experience this horrible curse on men. My wife and I have really been on a hot streak, I’m fucking her more than when we first met. The problem came in one night after I had climaxed once already and going for two. I never made the second nut, and the next morning it was “hello my old friend” , blue balls bad!! I was pretty calm for I know the masterbation cure. This time was horrifyingly different , I jerked off and got no relief. What the fuck do I do, it hurts worse and nothing helps. Do I ice the jewels?
Just had blue balls, hurt like a BITCH. So me and my girl were fooling around sexting eachother for a good 3 hrs lol, i jumped into bed ready to explode, when a terrible pain took my balls and my groin area by surprise, i was so scared cuz i thought it was serious. I looked at a couple websites and saw tht jacking off was the cure, so i opened up the hub and in less than two minutes i had made the biggest explosion ive ever had…after the pain slowly went away within an hour… Let this be a lesson to all you folk out there
I had heard about blue balls, but never actually experienced it, until today. My girlfriend n I were making out for a long time, kissing dry humping n caressing all our sensitive parts with all our clothes still on, cuz my roommates were around. >,< Everything was fine until I had to escort her home. My balls were sore, but I wasn't minding them cuz my right pelvic side was killing me. She hadn't heard about blue balls n laughed at me when I opened this page for her.
I was having sexual instant messaging from my online friend. We started talking horny, unfortunately, I didn’t have any relief. 30 minutes later, the mother of all blue balls pain ensued! Thanx a lot Mel The Snail B.
Grrrr!!!
Green Hearts to you!
Oh My Fucking God this hurts so bad! ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I ejaculated and it is still hurting very badly. I’m about an eight on the 1 to 10 scale. FUCK!
I can tell you as a woman, the times I was having sex and came close to orgasm for one reason or another, had to cut it short (like say, a cop showing up at the car window) : it hurt. The whole pelvic was really sore. It’s like all the muscles are tensed up and can’t relax. It’s like wanting to sneeze and not being able to times a thousand. Took my husband a few years to figure out I wasn’t joking; apparently a few too many previous girlfriends with the “Oh, I don’t care if I orgasm or not, I just enjoyed the quality time together” line. It does hurt and it’s extremely distracting.
I have blue balls all the time. It happens when I don’t climax and the main source for blue balls is when I don’t masterbate. I masterbate every day and if I go as little as one week without doing one session my blue balls occurs. To relieve the pain I simply masterbate and about ten minutes later late I’m relieved.
Try playing football with blue balls LMAO! It hurts!!!!
Had a two sessions of erect penis and my girl couldn’t get me come, and by 10 in the morning, I began to feel 50lbs stones hung from my bladder through the balls.
Hurts like a woman giving birth.
I COULD NOT JERK OFF coz tiny movements peaks the pain. I lied on floor, prostrated, drank lot of water and tried to pressurize the balls while peeing to get rid of it.
had blue balls masturbated hurts worse then before
Sorry ‘Gay single guy’ (seriously, Jay dyckman?), but some new couples do make out for hours.
I’m 32, and divorced, and I recently met a very attractive brazilian with a sex drive to match my own. But while we have talked about it, and have been very open with our beliefs and desires, we have only ‘necked’.
And I’ll tell you, that can get you very excited! blue balls are real; they’re a pain in your testicles due to pressure, and in your abdomen as well. It sucks, but it comes with the territory of being fully aroused.
I recently had foot surgery… I was prescribed pain killers… my wife and I where messing around and where having intercourse for over 2 hrs…I did not get off. due to the pain killers … kinda like having whiskey peter… so my wife was sore and pleased with what she got… so it ended there… I didn’t get mine… I will be the first to tell you “BLUE BALLS “are real and ot hurts like nothing else I have ever felt… I thought I was gonna puke.
I have to say this was a new one to me, not having had many sexual partners (long term from school jobby). I recently had a romantic encounter with a girl i have been after for ages. Given we was in public when first contact was made we was unable to complete the job, however there was significant touching and feeling. After about an hour of this i began to get a dull ache in the right ball. This increased to about a 4 on the pain scale, walking and touching was uncomfortable… I rushed home and looked it up on Google and was relieved to find it was nothing serious… In my thirty odd years i have never experienced it!
I had a serious case today. My wife and I were filling around this morning and interrupted and I did not get to finish. Problem is I was leaving for a 15 hour drive from DC to Florida. Roughest ride of my life!
Untrue about not happening during kissing. If you are the kind of guy who can get aroused by a kiss then you can get blue balls. I got them today after just THINKING about my girlfriend (no physical contact with penis going on) and I’m not even thinking about sex.
Does this mean you can use it as an excuse to cajole your woman into sex she doesn’t want? Absolutely not! 5 minutes in the restroom will solve the problem. The pain is nasty but it’s not utterly unbearable anyway.
I am sorry that you knuckle dragging Neanderthals have made it this far and long in society. You childish little bastards don’t know meaning one of a relationship, morals, ethics and the value of a mans word. 21 Years. I never cheated. Was cut off and given up for lent more times than I can count. The divorce is pending. But, I did some good things along the way and I have a roof over my head (for now) because I am a man. And, I respected one little word every woman can say. NO. Not that I did not try, attempt to coerce or bare angst. But, it is her body. Not your property or right. Learn, Live and EVOLVE.