Your Call – How Can I Enjoy My Sex Life As Much As My Sex Toy?

photo by ValtheKid

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I have never been a very sexual person so have never really masturbated. However, when I purchased a Rampant Rabbit this changed. From time to time I will use it and can have an orgasm, if not several, when I use it. I prefer to use my vibrator as I have only come once when I used my hands, it never feels anywhere near as good as my vibrator, as if when I use my hands there is no sensation there, and my wrist gets sore quickly. Technology rules on this one!

However, I really want to come when my boyfriend gives me oral or uses his hands on me (I have never had an orgasm through intercourse, don’t even feel close). When he uses his hands, the feeling is different to when I use my own hands — it feels like it is doing something, same when he goes down on me. The only thing is, it feels so different to when I orgasm with my vibrator. It is very intense and almost unbearable at times, so I end up stopping him as it feels too intense.

All in all, I would appreciate any kind of advice because I love my boyfriend very much and want to enjoy my sex life more.

— Jessica Rabbit

What should Jessica Rabbit do?


  1. I am in agreement with Madamoiselle L. You should introduce your boyfriend to the toy and encourage him to use it on you. My girlfriend and found out early on that we both like various toys at different times. From a guy’s perspective I can say the only thing hotter than watching a girl with her toy firsthand is to give her that much pleasure whether through a toy or not.

  2. There are no rules that say you can’t use a sex toy during sex. A good man can not only “handle” it, but should be happy to participate.

    Some women have easy orgasms, some have those which occur under only very specific circumstances. If you can ONLY have an orgasm with the vibe, and have tried various methods of receiving oral, manual, traditional sex, then introduce the vibe during lovemaking with your man.

    You may both find a new, interesting way to please each other

  3. I’ve had the exact same problem in the past, and the only surefire solution I’ve found is practice.

    First, make sure you’re really turned on to begin with – maybe even start with the vibrator before he gets there. It might help you relax.

    Get him to try different touches, lighter at first maybe, or slower. Try over the hood – some women find it way too intense to have their clitoris touched directly.

    Don’t expect it to work at first. Never be afraid to tell him it’s not going to happen. If you take the pressure off and just take the time to play around – and let him play around – over time you’ll probably find you relax enough that the ‘too intense’ feeling will go away. But honestly, it took a couple of months of ‘playing’ for me to be able to deal with it.

    And finally, talk to him about introducing the vibrator into your sex life, at least until you can handle the other stuff.

  4. kind of depends – I have found that masturbation, oral and being masturbated can go from not doing anything to being too intense and back again. It took a long while to realise that other parts of my body should actually get the attention instead. Lots of getting him to stroke and kiss different parts of your body – just that, and for a long while – can get you into a state where your clitoris responds better, or could even make you come full stop. Sometimes – whether we’re talking clitoris or other bits – a firmer touch is needed, or a lighter, so that your nervous system’s defence mechanisms go down. It should get easier and quicker after the first few times. Also, try him touching, kissing or licking just your outer labia until you absolutely have to have him go deeper.

    And the other thing is that it does get a lot easier with age, so it might just be a good idea to not worry too much about orgasms now and concentrate on sharing pleasure, in the confidence that you’ll have way more orgasms later on!

  5. Jessica, when it feels “too intense”, don’t make him stop….just go on feeling “too intense” and you may proceed into an orgasm with your lover.

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