How Often Do Booty Calls Become Girlfriends?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below.

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been in an “arrangement” style non-relationship with a dude for nearly a year (I say “arrangement” as I loathe the terms “fuck buddy” or “booty call,” but yes, they are one and the same). We have both seen other people over the course of this time, and it’s never been a big deal, we just see one another when the mood strikes, on a non-regular basis (sometimes once a month, sometimes every 90 days, just depending on our personal relationships at the time).

I don’t know if it’s the lack of other personal relationships of late, or what, but I have recently decided that I wouldn’t mind dating the fella for real, but don’t want to broach the subject for fear I’ll lose the best smoke signal I’ve ever had (again, a substitute for the awful butt buddy title)! I am nearly 100% positive that he’s not interested in more, otherwise I feel he would have made a move or a comment by now (thank you so much, mildly worn copy of He’s Just Not That Into You).

Also, I feel there’s a definite double standard involved here (or perhaps it’s just my paranoia): if a man develops feelings for his female casual sex partner, and the woman is interested, she doesn’t think twice about taking it to the next level. However, if the female develops feelings, the man suddenly has a “she’s tarnished and I could never take an easy broad like her home to Mom” epiphany. I guess what I’m really asking, with no true agenda, just a general wondering is…

How big is the obstacle of going from AssFriend to Girlfriend and is it even truly possible??

— Nookie Monster

What do you think of Nookie Monster’s question? Leave your opinion in the comments section below.


  1. So I have been talking to a guy for almost 7 yrs , we just clicked right of the bat from personal problems to our favorite color I mean everything we know about each other , he had a girlfriend at the time we started talking an they just broke up right at 2 yrs ,ago now an after talking for so long maybe right at 5 yrs we finally. Made a day to meet each other we met an had sex an we just hit it off an he will message every other day to check up on me , I go to his house sometimes an he is always picking on me an my nickname is Goofy lol. I’m seriously in love with this guy an I just don’t know what to do , every time we have sex well specifically the last time we had sex it was so passionate an its like deep down he cares about me after talking for 6+ yrs youd think he would tell me his feelings but I just can’t seem to get it out , he is always making me laugh , an every time I try to step back to breath an to see Where he stands especially after * hooking up* he messages me lol i,have seriously fallen head over hills for this guy an I’m not getting no where , I mean I don’t want a relationship at the moment I just want to see how he feels about me an possibly later on down the road see where the future takes us … If he just wanted sex then he would have left me after the first time right ? We’ve had sex 3 times altogether an I’m getting attached **** help***

      1. Also. Sex and wanting to be with someone are different things. I know people who’ve been friends with benefits with someone for years and it has never crossed their mind to be in a relationship with them

  2. This isn’t true.. Maybe I’m the only man that is like this.. But I’m really good at sex, tall dark and handsome make a decent living and cuddle awesome.

    I move too quickly. And scare women off all the freaking time.

  3. So recently I started a new job and I bluntly told this guy who is 12 years older than I am, that I wanted to have sex with him. We ended up having sex for a quick 30 minutes omw night after work and it was so intense! My ass was bruised from all the spanking . My collar bone was even bruised. I like it rough if you can’t already tell. We’ve hooked up twice since then. And it’s going okay I think. At work, I’ll send him nudes and get him frazzled because I think it’s funny. But I’m afraid, me being as loving as I am, I’m gonna fall for him and he’s already 31 and still wants to have the “freedom” I’m just trying to figure out what to talk to him about so he doesn’t think I want more. Plus he keeps telling me to be cool at work. Of course I’m not gonna say anything directly about him but I do talk about the sex we have. Help

  4. lol … sorry but you chicks are silly, if a man is not claiming you as his… he doesn’t want you , I don’t care how good the sex is , if he loves you .. you know cause it shows in his actions outside of sex too

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