Your Call: Is My Cougar Relationship Doomed?

photo by Harlequeen

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I am a 43-year-old, secure, physically fit, stable woman. I have been dabbling in the online dating scene on and off now for about 2 years. I met a guy and we hit it off. He is a hard worker, handsome, home-owner, sense of humor, etc. All around good guy. Only problem is…he is only 22 years old. We have slept together on a few occasions which was, as you might guess, mind boggling.

My problem is our age difference. He basically says that he wants to marry me…I would go as far as cohabitation to see if we are more compatible under one roof. This relationship scares me to death..but yet it feels so right. I have researched older woman younger man relationships to no avail and I still feel like this relationship is doomed. It sometimes makes me feel insecure. I have been told I don’t look 43, but eventually our age difference will catch up with us. Am I barking up the wrong tree?

— Accidental Cougar

What should Cougar do?


  1. Most relationships are “doomed” if the measure of success is staying together forever and ever.

    I prefer not to look at it that way. If you enjoy each other for a while and then part ways amicably, where’s the “doom”?

    Obviously you shouldn’t marry him, but that’s got more to do with his age than the age difference between you. No 22 year old should marry anybody in a Western country. Now THAT’S a recipe for doom.

  2. When I was in high school, my best friend’s mom started dating a guy 2 years older than us (16 years younger than her).

    They are now married and have been together 13 years.

    If it’s right, it’s right.

  3. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Just the way it is with any other relationship.

    An important part of your age is in your mindset, not in your body. Another part, though, is in your hormones. Make sure you are compatible in offspring expectations.

    Have fun!

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