Your Call: Why Can’t I Climax from Oral?

illustration via Foxtongue

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year. I have a very hard time having an orgasm from him going down on me. He is always more than willing to go down on me (as I am on him), but I know it frustrates him that I don’t orgasm every time (or even most times). I have orgasmed from manual stimulation once or twice and a couple of times from oral sex.

We are comfortable enough with each other that sometimes when he’s failed to bring me to orgasm, I’ve masturbated in front of him until I had an orgasm (which he enjoys). I know it’s easier for me to do it than it is for him because I’ve had a little more practice, but how can I help him? We are relatively comfortable talking about sexual issues, but we are usually both so frustrated by the end of the experience that we just want to go to sleep. He tries so hard that it makes me feel bad when it doesn’t happen. What should I do?

— Orally Unfixated

What should O.U. do?


  1. @L_Jay . . . wait, your wife’s mouth isn’t as tight as it used to be? That happens? Yikers.

    My boyfriend has a hard time “crossing the line” from oral-he really enjoys it, and has come that way a number of times, but usually I just get him close, and then he finishes himself off by hand while I lick his balls, play with his ass, whatever. Then right when he’s about to come he puts it back in my mouth so I can enjoy the big finish. It used to make me feel inadequate, but now it just seems like one more fun thing to do together!

  2. I also rarely orgasm from oral alone. It’s just not enough stimulation for me. I agree with SugarMag and April: if you enjoy oral, let it be what it is (enjoyable) and use other methods to get to orgasm.

    @L Jay: It’s early in the AM, so I’m easily confused – your wife’s mouth isn’t tight enough or her vagina isn’t tight enough? If it’s B, kegels will go a long way for that. But if you weren’t having orgasms from fellatio before you got together your wife, then her age/her tightness, or lack thereof, probably aren’t factors in the situation.

  3. Each girl is different and when you go down, just ask her what feels best.

    Some just like a tongue on the clit only, hard, fast and heavy, and some like a long slow tongue up and down the labia, with some harder licks on the clit.

    To be real accurate let her masturbate for you, and then just duplicate the action with you hands, and your tongue.

    Also when you get down there and feel her thighs tighten around your head, or ears, move your head/tongue side-to-side as fast as you can, left-to-right only on her clit, and she will climax in a couple minutes, and never let up, and do it like a crazy man man, and she will LOVE you, and she is yours for anything!

    Let me know how this works out, and this is many years of experience from a old time Vet who still loves to do it!

  4. I have it from the OTHER side. I’m the GUY who can’t climax from fellatio! Thirty years of sex fun, no response. Eleven years of marriage. No response! I get aroused, but I can’t take it all the way. She jacks me off, which is all well and good, but it’s not the GOOD stuff. Theoretically, there IS the fact that my sweetie is 56 and I’m 51, so she MIGHT not be tight enough. ‘Tis a drag!

  5. I completely agree with Sugarmag and am in a similar boat. Just enjoy it and take the orgasms that do happen as a bonus. High fives all around!

  6. How wonderful that you have been able to orgasm from your boyfriend going down on you, not everyone can get there that way. If it feels good enjoy it and stop being so goal oriented, it’s the journey. Tell your boyfriend that it feels great and you love it whether or not you actually have an orgasm.

    I personally have only even been able to orgasm with a vibrator and I am ok with that and what I really like to do is share that with my partner. Sex feels good whether or not I actually “get there.” The way I look at it is that I can have an orgasm all by myself, I don’t need a man for that, but it is not the same as being touched by another human being, and I’d rather have sexual experiences with a person and no orgasm than an orgasm all by myself, if I had to choose.

    So anyway you boyfriend goes down on you and sometimes you orgasm? High five! If sometimes it doesn’t happen it still feels good, right? Enjoy it.

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