We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your response in the comments section below.
Why do guys cheat down? Meaning, picking a woman less attractive. My husband cheated on me with a woman twice my size. He said he found her unattractive but couldn’t help himself. Another friend of mine (she is a model) had her husband cheat on her. It was while he was out of town and all the women were less attractive. Of course these are just two examples. I was always under the impression that if you are going to cheat, at least make it worth it.
What do you think? Do you agree that men “cheat down”? Why or why not?
Guys cheat down because ugly girls are easy targets and will put out with much less effort. Ugly girls will put out because they don’t have the option of being picky. Truth hurts, deal with it.
Maybe they’re better at it than you.
Why would a man “cheat down”? Perhaps he didn’t see it that way. I recently had an affair end, but it was red-hot while it lasted.
He saw me on a dating site, and HE contacted ME. He was younger and hotter than me. I thought if I met him in person, he’d take one look at me and lose interest. That didn’t happen. He was well-educated and I was his intellectual equal. I’m funny. I’m independent. He had a very strong libido that complimented mine. I did things with him that his wife wouldn’t do. I even taught him a few new tricks. I was always happy to see him. He knew that I really wanted him. His gorgeous wife, who was 10 years younger than me, didn’t make him feel that way. He wanted passion. So did I. Together we made magic.
It ended abruptly. I have to think he got caught. As a successful attorney, it probably wouldn’t have been good for his image to have that get out.
Keep in mind that just because a car has a beautiful body, that doesn’t mean it’s fun to drive, or even that it runs.
Well keep this in mind. You had passion, he used you as a cum bucket. He left you without hesitation or warning, back to the gorgeous wife. You were merely supply. You made him feel worshipped, the gorgeous girl , we’ll see she had expectations because she could. You can’t, all you can do is be someone’s sloppy second choice.
Beauty is something that gets old quick. It’s nice to have at first, but there has to be something more to keep us interested.
If there isn’t, then you’ll have problems. A girl who is smart, funny, and adventurous is way more fun than one who is gorgeous, lazy, and vapid.
Nothing is more unattractive than someone who thinks they are pretty, more than….
I’ll quote Debra Ollivier quoting Bertrand Blier….
“Bernard is married to a bombshell beauty…but falls passionately in love with his slightly frumpy secretary…(‘What’s left to desire when you have perfection?’…The answer: Not much.)”
Men find a variety of women attractive. As a plus size woman, I can say from personal experience that lots of men find overweight women attractive. Not every man’s ideal woman is thin and/or a model.
Here’s a novel concept: perhaps the two men given as examples didn’t view the women they cheated with as “less than” their partners. Perhaps they saw them as just different than their partners, which is the point of cheating, isn’t it?
Also, of course he told you that he “found her unattractive but couldn’t help himself”. He was trying to get back together with you, so he’d say whatever he needed to to make you feel like this didn’t mean anything and that it was a one-time thing.
Also, ALL the women in a particular place were less attractive than your friend? Really?
oh and in addition…when you’re in a committed relationship where you respect your partner…you might not be able to quench this thirst for superiority…hence the cheating
I think it’s because men want to feel superior and almost like a king when they’re having sex. This is not to put men down, but deep down there they do have this primal feeling. They need to feel like they’re possessing their sex partner, at least to some extent. This feeling is easier to have when your sex partner is ‘less’ than you in some way. That’s why you’ll see a lot of ugly porn actresses as well and that’s why a ‘facial’ gets them off as well.
all of this is just my guess on the male psyche 🙂
You people are ugly-minded…
Maybe it’s because the less attractive women in question aren’t judgemental bitches?
It’s just about it being different so even if the girl is less attractive it’s different than what you have everyday. And it’s not as if you’re going to take her out and introduce her to your buddies.
Landing a woman of high quality – whatever that means to you – often takes time, effort, perseverence… and those are the things that make a man really feel treacherous and deceitful, much more so than the sex itself.
A “lesser” woman who makes herself available for discreet, easy sex is a poweful temptation, like low-hanging fruit.
I think it simply has to do with the nature of cheating, which is only partly about the sex. If it were all sex, there would be no need to cheat (in many cases), no? I think for people who cheat, not just guys, it’s about the thrill of cheating, the newness of the escapade, the difference in partner, etc… All of these are accomplished no matter the physical appearance of the woman. Plus, your assumption that physical beauty is all that matters is plain wrong. Some guys may be with a totally hot girl they feel no connection to, and cheating is a way for them to have deeper connections with someone, a way to have an adventure, or even a way to see themselves as a different person. Cheating, is ultimately, a chance to–however briefly and however false–become someone else, because in general, we are different people with different people. So it’s not “cheating down.” It’s just…cheating. And it’s wrong, no matter if the man/woman is Frankenstein’s monster or divinely beautiful.
I think it is ultimately a guilt thing. Deep down inside, they still care about their partner, and must justify to themselves that it would hurt her more if the other woman was a bombshell. Additionally, they feel less guilty using an “inferior” specimen for their baser needs…despicable as that is.
But another thing that we need to stake into account is that this “uglier” woman might be a better fit for the guy in question- a beautiful woman does not necessarily a perfect partner make.
The fact is pretty females are just for presentation. No female is off the table, when it comes to sex.
Men cheat down knowin is strictly sexual/no commitment, but he could hang around longer if he’s struggling to get back on his feet.
Men date up when is time to choose a longterm partner.
Most men like submissive, independent, secured, ambitious, supportive, who doesn’t threaten to leave, or call a cop in every argument, big boobs etc…(skinny girls lack big boobs).