My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me

Dear Em & Lo,

About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.


Dear Sizeist,

We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to their ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?

But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we think you should give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. It’s not like you’ve dated a string of 8″ men and have discovered that only a super-sized schlong can satisfy you. (In fact, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is freakishly long). No, you just had one great experience with one 8″ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.

For a start, men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, when it comes to size, most women agree that girth is a lot more important than length, since the majority of sensation is felt in the outer third of the vagina, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix rammed).

On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what sex is going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?

Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like.  This doesn’t make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options — at least until your tattoo idea catches on. We suppose you could post a personal ad specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply, but something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Why not just spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience converts you?

Here for the little people,

Em & Lo

Do you worry about the size of your package?
“15 Ways to Make the Most of Your Small Penis in Bed”

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1024 Comments on "My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me"

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Let me begin by stating that I have been following this conversation on and off for years; please forgive me if I am repeating something that has already been said. Almost two thousand years ago, the author of the “Kamasutra” wrote that the genitals of men and women are large, average or small. “There are three equal unions between persons of corresponding dimensions and six unequal unions when the dimensions do not correspond, or nine kinds of unions in all. […] There are, then, nine kinds of union according to dimensions. Equal unions are the best.” No drama, no insults,… Read more »
Upset man

Screw you. Why don’t women just tattoo their breast size on their wrists? While we’re at it – their measurements too! I’m not a goddamn sex toy. I am not a dildo. As important as sex between significant others is, you clearly value it far too much. My advice? Go to your sex shop and by yourself a big, 8 inch, silicon boyfriend, and make yourself unavailable.


Back in 2001, when Em&Lo wrote for nerve, they admitted, “We hate to break it to you: size matters. There we said it.” I’m not sure what the reason is for the flip-flopping now.

My first boyfriend was kinda small but I didn’t realize it until my 2nd boyfriend. He was huge and it did hurt at first but soon it was awesome. As someone else here said there is a strong correlation between small penises and women not having orgasms. We need big ones to get the job done and it would be nice if men could shut up and accept this. I avoid small ones like the plague at this point. A few years ago I went to this guys place after a few dates and we’re going to have sex until… Read more »
Your inability to empathize with another human being is remarkable and disheartening. Keep in mind, I am *not* suggesting that you’re in any way obligated to have sex with a partner to whom you’re not attracted, and yes, it’s okay that that attraction is hampered by a distinct lack of penis size. I don’t think anyone here is suggesting so much. However, your comment implies that you experience anger towards a man for not living up to a physical standard that is completely out of his control, and that this anger justifies your assault on his feelings and sense of… Read more »
Mmmmmhmm mmm

I have e a very big penis. But I must say you handled that very poorly. Evey guy is self conscious about their penis at some time or another. How would you feel if a guy walked out on you complaining about the stench and sour taste of your vagina? People have feelings.

I have had sex with guys with monster 9″ cocks and, sex with guys around 5 inches more often then not the smaller guy is self conscious about it, and makes up for it with working harder better foreplay oral, and more dynamic sex with their body. Some big guys are like I’m big what else do you want so not to mention the g-spot is like 2 inches in. If your boyfriend is like 6-7 you in the golden ratio, but seriously if you dump a guy who is near these parameters when he is great at everything else… Read more »
pass the poop

She thinks video games determine penis size lmao! Whoa is it a crazy notion that kids I knew in school played video games and worked out all in the same day? She probably is a trump supporter lol

John reed

From the sounds of it a lot of men should turn you away at the gate on account of how loose you sound. My penis is 6.5 inches not particularly big or small, but your puss gives the impression of an overpass for a semi. If more men had the same attitude a lot of women who didn’t do kegels would be turned away on account of tightness. What an idiotic thought process for picking someone you love you are not a bitch or a size queen more of a moron actually.

Em & Lo

Wow, there are so many problems with Kristen’s comment, we don’t even know where to begin.


I don’t understand. What’s wrong with having standards? What’s wrong with liking large penises?

There’s nothing wrong at all with having preferences, but the way you describe getting up and walking out on someone because of those preferences is completely lacking in empathy and kindness. I’m sure there’s something about you physically that’s just shy of perfect. Maybe it’s something you don’t like about your body, something that’s not apparent until you’re naked. Now, imagine if, upon seeing that particular feature of yours, a potential lover just got up and left. How would you feel? Pretty terrible, right? How is it that you’re unaware that you’ve made another person feel that way? It’s nothing… Read more »
So I was supposed to have boring sex with his tiny penis as a show of empathy and kindness? Sorry but fuck that. I admit my reaction was blunt but he pissed me off and I did him a favor by not allowing him to waste his time developing feelings for a woman he could never satisfy. It’s okay people, he lived. Sure there are things about my body that could use improvement. I’d like to loose 5 pounds or so but I get hit on a lot so I’m pretty sure no guy would get up and leave a… Read more »
Wow, you two are trying really hard to act like you are morally superior here. You have intentionally misinterpreted my words and made some ridiculous logical leaps. Where do I start? This correlation between intercourse and no orgasms you mentioned is due to most men having small penises. It’s that simple. You can deny that if you must and sure there are some women that may genuinely be not able to take a large one but they are a minority. You can quote studies that support your assertion and I can quote studies that support mine so you also cannot… Read more »



As a girl myself I find this Kristen lady to amusing her opening statement ” Where do I start? This correlation between intercourse and no orgasms you mentioned is due to most men having small penises. It’s that simple.” Does this make any sense on an evolutionary perspective…no most men have an average sized penis, because the average dictates the majority how is anyone this stupid?

John reed

This lady has demonstrated her vast retardation to a staggering degree. Lol genetics might determine your kids trading their brain power for dick size.

Kristen: I’m a bi male, 7 inches, very sexual. I have a vast knowledge of female sexual anatomy and I must admit I love your raw candor. I’m a size queen myself. My lover is adorned with an amazing 9″ black rod capable of bringing ME to multiple “female” orgasms. Anything under 7.5″ and I Feel the same way as you. My man calls the shots, but I will say this….if he ever allowed a threesome with you I would delightfully work my mouth on your clitoris and other womanly parts while you’re are being properly bred. Honest, confident, strong,… Read more »
Hun, What makes you assume you even fit my standards or that I want anything to do with you? Lol, you talk as if I should be thrilled that you are offering me sex. While I appreciate the compliment for my honesty, I’ll pass on the threeway. I don’t share sexual partners and I have never in the past nor will I ever have sex with a black guy. I do not wax my pubes. I keep it neatly trimmed but I still have my bush. I’m not enduring the pain of waxing for anyone. Did it once, never again.… Read more »
Dahn Joe

Girl, you need to chill. It is obvious you are either a troll, or a girl who was made to feel not-so-pretty by a guy…maybe dumped,…So now you are attacking him by attacking all guys on here, in a sad little attempt to feel better about yourself. It’s so incredibly sad and pathetic to watch this thread here. Grow up, little immature Kristen. Seriously, act like an adult.

Funny how people have to call you a troll for being honest. I’m not attacking guys at all, I’m stating my preference and defending against this leftist nonsense criticism for having preferences. I’m not angry at being dumped, I’ve never been dumped actually so it’s certainly not causing some need to feel better about myself, I don’t have those issues. And as far as I’m concerned I am acting like an adult, I haven’t attacked anyone here, on the contrary I’ve been attacked for not pandering to some guys ego and having an unpopular opinion. I’ve stated my position as… Read more »

You nasty and probably stretched out


Well as a guy with a small penis I’d admire your honesty. If you’re 100% sure that a big penis is what you need then this guy won’t be able to satisfy you. Best he knows that upfront.

Bobby fitzer
I am a truck driver. I have a very small small penis( 3 inches hard) . A secretary at work and I became friends. She would tell us about how big her bf was. Even showed me a picture. He has a ten incher. I joked about my size. She became fascinated with how small my penis is. One night after work we went out and had drinks. Things led to another and we ended up at a hotel. When we got naked she asked me to stand up and wanted to take a really good look at me. She… Read more »
An Adam

Why were my comments deleted?

There is a forum called Small Penis Syndrome for men who have been hurt by women because of penis size. There is a woman moderator there named IrmaJean. She decided to take off the moderator hat to express her views on sex and relationships. This is what she wrote: “In a relationship, the most important things to me are love, emotional connection, friendship, mutual respect, and sharing. I’m 47 years old and I have had one sex partner. Sex, in and of itself, is not very important to me. The meaningfulness comes from the symbolic representation of it and what… Read more »