My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me

Dear Em & Lo,

About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.


Dear Sizeist,

We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to their ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?

But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we think you should give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. It’s not like you’ve dated a string of 8″ men and have discovered that only a super-sized schlong can satisfy you. (In fact, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is freakishly long). No, you just had one great experience with one 8″ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.

For a start, men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, when it comes to size, most women agree that girth is a lot more important than length, since the majority of sensation is felt in the outer third of the vagina, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix rammed).

On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what sex is going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?

Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like.  This doesn’t make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options — at least until your tattoo idea catches on. We suppose you could post a personal ad specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply, but something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Why not just spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience converts you?

Here for the little people,

Em & Lo

Do you worry about the size of your package?
“15 Ways to Make the Most of Your Small Penis in Bed”

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738 Comments on "My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me"

12 days 15 hours ago

Ladies have you ever though about this… It’s beat up … Sorry but we are not ment to use dildos and sleep around. I see that underlying problem is devotion it’s just a plain and simple fact if you had less lovers it would be tighter. I was once in love with the girl absolutely a 10.but she had been with so many dudes even at 7 inches with plenty of girth she was just to lose. Because of how much she masturbated with a dildo and how many she’s been with.

12 days 3 hours ago

KMBman, you might want to consider a mail-order bride website. Or maybe just a very realistic-looking Real Doll. That way you can be sure to customize a pristine, never-been-used vagina to suit your needs.

1 month 1 day ago

This is what truly mystifies me when it comes to relationships and men and women. Ladies you should know after the first few times of sleeping with a guy whether or not his dick will satisfy you. So then my question is why do you continue to be in a relationship with a man who doesn’t meet your needs or requirements? Why do you allow the relationship to move forward? And men why do you allow a woman to define your self worth? Why do you continue to beat your head against a brick wall when nothing you have or do will be good enough? Why don’t you move on and find a woman who does appreciate your body and other qualities?

2 months 1 day ago

i won’t throw EVERY female under the bus, but I honestly don’t (YET) know ONE in my personal life who’s ever thought they’ve been “lost” in bed. It is all too common that you hear of Men being “eh” or just all together Bad in the sheets. I gotta tell ya ladies, the idea some women get about “how to work a penis” is just…. Incorrect to put it nicely. The idea that “you just tug and pull and that’s all there is to it” is so dead wrong. Why can it take a woman up to half hour to successfully blow you when I could use my HAND and get the job done in 5? I’ve actually faked pleasure before with a woman while she was on top. She THOUGHT she was doing it right, But my shrinking erection said otherwise. I had to improvise to keep it up. I loved her very much so I didn’t exactly want to pop the question, “what are you doing?” and hurt her. But girls, we Men can “protect” YOU as well. Your body may be sexy, and your face beautiful, but this will not make you a thrill in bed by default. Just as having a 4 ft. Penis will not automatically prevent a guy from being boring to sleep with. No Man anywhere would commit adultery if his wife slayed in the sack by default, simply because she has nice breasts.

Sex Love
2 months 7 days ago

My last resort before I convince myself that sex doesn’t matter. It’s only the love.
Dear Em & Lo
I have been dating my boyfriend for over 4 years. And I’m just going to get right to it, I am not satisfied sexually. Before I am claimed to be shallow I want to point out that we have tried a lot. He is not aware of this deepest secret of mine. I have hidden this from him because the last thing I want to do is hurt him. I care for him deeply. And The truth is he has a small penis. I have been with only 2 other men. And I KNOW what I like in bed. For one making love is at the top of my need list. I need to feel that connection with someone. I have only felt the connection with 1 other person and he is my ex. I was in love with him undoubtedly. We shared this connection I can’t even begin to explain. This man had a larger penis. Funny thing was, is that during sex it hurt because he was bigger. I don’t want it to hurt but what I’m trying to point out is the connection between us is what I crave. My boyfriend of 4 years is an amazing guy, he would do anything for me. We talk about marriage and kids and all those wonderful things. But I can’t seem to shake the want and need feeling of a deep connection and a sexual connection. I have researched and tried different things to try, sex positions, the tighten exercise, dildos, (which i like but it’s not the same), back door and other thing for 3 years now and still with all these different things, it hasn’t help any. I need advice. Very badly. Please help me.

17 days 8 hours ago

Maybe the connection you crave is not entirely physical? It may be that this feeling you are hidding is getting in the way of feeling truly intimate with him. Of course yu dont want to hurt him, but leaving him over this will hurt him too. I don’t know why women assume all men to be so fragile on this. So why not try and be honest. Gently and carefully tell him that you crave a bigger penis (not necessarily you ex’s !) talk about it – as a fantasy, a fettish, a desire. You don’t say how small he is, but he will know – believe me! If he is in any normal range (4 plus inches) then it is something you can work with? You may find that – once you have shared your inner feelings, you will feel horrny as hell. And he will respond with confidence because he has a more intimate knowledge and connection with you. And once your brain and mind is in gear with his, it could make fireworks! So long as you are prepared to love his penis, of course you can share with him your desires. He might be relieved? You may discover that this secret you are keeping is what is coming between you and feeling ‘connected’ and not his equipment! Trying all alternatives you mentioned without the intimacy was never going to work. Its’ like tricking someone into sharing a kink you have, without them being in on it – it would never feel that good. Once they know too….boom! So try them with intimacy!

1 month 23 days ago

I faced the exact situation recently. I have been with my ex for 4 years and after first couple of years, I realized that she was not at all physically satisfied. We talked about it and she told there is a connection missing between us. Finally we decided to live separately for last one year but stayed as friends going holidays together etc.
few weeks ago her ex came back from abroad and I was cut off as friend also. She had told me before also how it was sexually better with her ex. And now she told that she is going back to her ex after 6years and they are together again.
This feels bad as I loved her but I now realize that physical connection is also very important in a relationship. I know I am now blaming her for all the bad times I had since due to lack of physical chemistry, she was upset quite often when we were together. But being a 40 years old I am slowly getting the hang of the situation.
To be honest, I am hurt as for me this was trivial thing and keeping her smiling and laughing and making her happy every other way was my only other option to get over the physical dissatisfaction. Unfortunately this was not the case for her. I am now not so excited to be with anyone else and look for new love as I realize my shortcomings. I told her all movie dialogue also that she will regret etc but I guess she will never as she seems very happy now and says she is in love again.
I am an Indian guy and the girl was European so there is definitely a difference in physical features.
So in your case, I can just comment that it hurts but it all depends on what you give more importance in life.

2 months 7 days ago

I think you’d have to let him know how you feel. He must know in his own mind he’s small – does he assume you’re totally happy with his size? Or has he ever let you know he’s a bit insecure about it?

Sex Love
2 months 7 days ago

He has mentioned that he has is smaller before. All I said was it’s not small and it’s not big. I don’t want to hurt him. Recently he’s been making jokes about having a big penis. I think he wants to see my reaction but after 4 years I can hide my true feelings really well and I don’t want it to be like this. It’s not healthy.

2 months 7 days ago

Well the fact he’s making jokes suggests he wants you to talk to him about it – he probably won’t be as hurt as you might think. How about next time he makes a joke try going along with it and making a joke back?
As a “small” guy myself I can tell you it’s much beter to hear what the woman really thinks, and then find a way forward. Also much better for the relationship to have that open-ness. As you say – can’t go on like this. I think you’d be pleasantly surprised if you did talk to him about it.

Sex Love
2 months 7 days ago

You are right. We are open about everything but this issue. We’ve had conversation before about how important it is for us to both share the connection. It’s hard to receive that when I’m not satisfied sexually though. Sometimes I feel like it’s his first time and he didn’t know what to do and he definitely isn’t confident. That is clear. And I talk to him about things that would help. But it doesn’t seem to work. I will not say his smaller then what I’ve been with either, ever.

2 months 7 days ago

Well i can understand that your frustration must be kind of spoiling things. Why not tell him previos guys were bigger? He’s probaby guessed anyway and he’s always going to wonder – obviously tread carefully at first but if you can start the talk with him on a joking level thats going to be way easier.
Every chance his “performance” will improve a lot once youve told him you feel. The fact that youve started to be open with him can only boost his confidence, not knowing what you think is probably hampering his confidence now.

Sex Love
2 months 7 days ago

Thank you so much for the advice, it’s nice hearing it from a guys prospective. The last year or so we’ve opened up a lot when it comes to sex. Being completely honest is going to be the hard part though. I guess knowing how to foreplay and coming on to my partner comes naturally and I guess I think it should for him too.

2 months 7 days ago

I think guys are a lot easier to please to be honest, so harder for a guy to “just know.” He’s probaby got a few insecurities going on about his size which are occupying his thoughts so he hasn’t yet made an effort. Its easy for a guy’s mindset to be I’m small therefore I can never satisfy a girl so I wont bother trying. Obviously he needs to break out of that mindset and get to thinking how he can satisfy you despite size. Confidence is key here.
Im sure the total honesty will be difficult but small steps at first, maybe start with something like well yea you are on the small side – in a light hearted way? And then work up to a stage of saying previous guys were bigger. You cant change his size but you can change his attitude/confidence. Hope things work out for you :)

3 months 7 days ago

Ok, I’d been with my husband for 25 years before he passed away in his 30s…I considered him to be of normal size by measurement measures. I could not always get my rocks off and sex was mediocre at best. The man I’m currently dating is small. I figured that the first time I tried to put a condom on him and it fell off (granted, it was a magnum – oops) he lost his confidence and his erection that night and I worried it was all over – in the sack. I was so freaking wrong. Once we got the condom thing figured out, holy hell. Not only did he rock my world, but I lost count after 6-7 times the next time we got together. He definitely knows how to work what he’s got. He’s maybe 5.5″ and not girthy and I’ve yet to not have an orgasm. Multiple ones at that…so there ya go.

K. Forte
4 days 1 hour ago

Actually 5.1 is the national average so he’s slightly above, average girth is 4.75 in circumference.