6/17/09
My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me

Dear Em & Lo,

About six months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 18 months and have recently met someone new. The other day the new boy and I were engaging in some hands-on action which led me to discover that he nowhere near measured up to my ex. The new boy was around 4-6″. My problem is that I’m really worried about having sex with him because my ex was over 8″. I feel really disappointed and I know that 8″ is a high bar that’s been set. Am I bad person or should I go looking for something more? Why can’t good-looking men come with the measurements of their penis tattooed onto their wrist or something? The problems and surprises that would solve.

–Sizeist

Dear Sizeist,

We almost didn’t print your letter because of the emotional damage it might inflict on insecure men everywhere. It’s the secret fear that everyone — male and female — experiences at some point in their hook-up life: Am I being compared to their ex(es)? And if so, am I failing to measure up?

But on behalf of all the average-sized men out there, i.e. the vast majority of men, we think you should give Mr. 4-6″ a chance. It’s not like you’ve dated a string of 8″ men and have discovered that only a super-sized schlong can satisfy you. (In fact, you need to understand that, statistically speaking, 8 inches is freakishly long). No, you just had one great experience with one 8″ penis. And this is by no means a guarantee that sex with a 4-6″ penis will feel only 50-75% as great.

For a start, men with big swinging dicks can get lazy in the sack, assuming that size is the only thing that matters. They may also assume that intercourse is the only thing that matters — and we all know how few women climax from intercourse alone; remember, orgasm achieved through non-penile means still counts as sex! Not to mention, you may suddenly discover new penetration positions that you really enjoy — positions that perhaps were not so comfortable with a larger specimen. Oh, and don’t forget that, when it comes to size, most women agree that girth is a lot more important than length, since the majority of sensation is felt in the outer third of the vagina, thanks to the extensions of the clitoris, the g-spot, and the pelvic floor muscles around the lower part of the vaginal canal (and also since a lot of women don’t enjoy having their cervix rammed).

On a final note: Maybe he was nervous and not fully inflated, as it were. Basically, you have no idea what sex is going to be like with this man. So if you dig him (and we surely hope the handwork you exchanged means that you do), why not find out whether the motion of his ocean can get the job done?

Of course, we can’t discount the fact that you may simply be less attracted to him (or not attracted to him at all) now that you’ve scoped out his unit — you like what you like.  This doesn’t make you a bad person, though you are severely limiting your dating options — at least until your tattoo idea catches on. We suppose you could post a personal ad specifying that only 8″-penis-owners need reply, but something tells us that’s not exactly the way to find the next Boyfriend of the Year. Here’s a better idea: Why not just spend some quality time with an average-sized penis and see if the experience converts you?

Here for the little people,

Em & Lo

Do you worry about the size of your package?
“15 Ways to Make the Most of Your Small Penis in Bed”

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979 Comments on "My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me"

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Kristen
Kristen
7 days 18 hours ago
My first boyfriend was kinda small but I didn’t realize it until my 2nd boyfriend. He was huge and it did hurt at first but soon it was awesome. As someone else here said there is a strong correlation between small penises and women not having orgasms. We need big ones to get the job done and it would be nice if men could shut up and accept this. I avoid small ones like the plague at this point. A few years ago I went to this guys place after a few dates and we’re going to have sex until… Read more »
Em & Lo
Em & Lo
7 days 15 minutes ago

Wow, there are so many problems with this comment, we don’t even know where to begin.

Kristen
Kristen
5 days 3 hours ago

I don’t understand. What’s wrong with having standards? What’s wrong with liking large penises?

Geoff
Geoff
4 days 19 hours ago
There’s nothing wrong at all with having preferences, but the way you describe getting up and walking out on someone because of those preferences is completely lacking in empathy and kindness. I’m sure there’s something about you physically that’s just shy of perfect. Maybe it’s something you don’t like about your body, something that’s not apparent until you’re naked. Now, imagine if, upon seeing that particular feature of yours, a potential lover just got up and left. How would you feel? Pretty terrible, right? How is it that you’re unaware that you’ve made another person feel that way? It’s nothing… Read more »
Bobby fitzer
Bobby fitzer
21 days 4 hours ago
I am a truck driver. I have a very small small penis( 3 inches hard) . A secretary at work and I became friends. She would tell us about how big her bf was. Even showed me a picture. He has a ten incher. I joked about my size. She became fascinated with how small my penis is. One night after work we went out and had drinks. Things led to another and we ended up at a hotel. When we got naked she asked me to stand up and wanted to take a really good look at me. She… Read more »
An Adam
An Adam
27 days 20 hours ago

Why were my comments deleted?

Stephen
29 days 22 hours ago
There is a forum called Small Penis Syndrome for men who have been hurt by women because of penis size. There is a woman moderator there named IrmaJean. She decided to take off the moderator hat to express her views on sex and relationships. This is what she wrote: “In a relationship, the most important things to me are love, emotional connection, friendship, mutual respect, and sharing. I’m 47 years old and I have had one sex partner. Sex, in and of itself, is not very important to me. The meaningfulness comes from the symbolic representation of it and what… Read more »
Fred
Fred
1 month 4 days ago

I second this
As a guy with a small penis it’s good to hear that kind of honesty. I can totally understand that some women would need a decent size and wouldn’t want to, as you say, settle for less.
Best way for the man and the woman is for the woman to say that, it seems some women think it’s a bad thing and they have to settle and/or not offend the guy.
Honesty works much better

Rob
Rob
1 month 16 days ago

Like almost every article about this, it includes an insulting picture that makes a joke of the subject and then tries to say that size doesn’t matter, while actually saying that size doesn’t matter, as long as at least average.

Kyamie
Kyamie
1 month 21 days ago

Dear Em & Lo,
I do not agree with you. I am a mature woman whom has dated many men in my lifetime. If a man has a small penis, he should find a virgin. Once a woman has experienced a full grown penis, the small version will never due. Why settle for less, find what you want. It is not fair to the man, and the woman can not hide the disappointment, it eventually comes out.

I am sorry about the male ego, but the truth is the truth.

Em & Lo
Em & Lo
1 month 19 days ago

Gentlemen, do not take Kyamie’s bait. She doesn’t speak for all women. Everybody is different: People have different preferences, different deal breakers. And often times, intercourse isn’t even the route to most women’s orgasms. Our culture would do well kick its penis-size obsession. See this reader’s excellent thoughts on the topic: http://www.emandlo.com/stop-relying-on-your-dick-to-please-a-woman/

Sarah
Sarah
8 days 3 hours ago
I think she does speak for most women who have experienced a larger penis, and I second her thoughts. The fact of the matter is, because as you mentioned very large penis’ are rare, most women, even those with a few partners, have never actually experienced one. So while a large number of woman may believe size doesn’t matter when they say it, their opinions on the matter are about as valid as someone who has never eaten a certain food trying to tell you what it tastes like. Let’s stop spinning facts in such a way that they protect… Read more »
Jon
Jon
1 month 20 days ago

As a guy with a small penis it’s good to hear that kind of honesty. I can totally understand that some women would need a decent size and wouldn’t want to, as you say, settle for less.
Best way for the man and the woman is for the woman to say that, it seems some women think it’s a bad thing and they have to settle and/or not offend the guy.
Honesty works much better

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