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Yes, Guys Fake Orgasms Too — Here’s How to Tell

May 26, 2015

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Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer, quite diversely, the following: Do guys fake orgasms?

Straight Single Guy (Colin): Of course! We probably don’t faux the Big O as much as women do, but every now and then the circumstances might call for us to fake. If our endurance is flagging and she’s begging us to finish, of course we might pull a Sally Albright so we can just go to sleep. Obviously it’s a bit more difficult for us to fake a finish considering the visual evidence that comes with our climax, but if the lights are off (or we’re experienced street performers in sleight of hand) we might try and pull a fast one on you if we have to. It’s not you, it’s us. Unless it happens more than once — then it might be you.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): I haven’t heard many guys talk about faking an orgasm (I can’t think of a single one, actually). Guys do sometimes talk about trying desperately to delay an orgasm with a new girlfriend or someone who really turns them on, but not so much with the faking. I have personally only faked once; it was after a girl I was dating and I had already had sex once, and I think she thought she was doing me a favor by initiating a second round. After we’d been going at it for a while, she told me not to wait for her, as she could only have one orgasm per night and had already had one. After some time, being no closer to getting off, I performed my one and only fake orgasm. I was young then, and didn’t realize it would have been just fine to tell her that, like her, another one for me just wasn’t happening.

Gay Committed Guy (Terence): If guys fake orgasms, then I ‘d love to know how. Did I miss something? Maybe I’m way behind in sexual know-how, but I can’t think of ever having faked an orgasm. I have wanted to orgasm quickly and get the hell outta there, but that’s just wishing for godspeed, not faking it. I don’t know how or why I’d ever fake it. Boys’ orgasms are so…visual and fun! In your face, on your face, inside you, all over you. Woohoo! I’m curious to see what situations your readers come up with involving guys faking orgasms, ’cause I just keep it real, baby.

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Why Men Cat-Call, According to Men

May 19, 2015

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Advice from three of our guy friends. This week, they answer the following: Why do men cat-call?

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Oh boy, where did I just see a link to a TV clip of a woman walking up to men who cat-called her and asked them why?  (You can answer in comments if you’ve got the link.)  Anyway, the men all acted completely embarrassed when put on the spot about it. Which, I think, actually says a lot about why men do it: not because they’re actually interested in the women they cat-call.  Instead (based, I’m embarrassed to say, on my own behavior as a construction worker in my teens and twenties) it’s about a) letting other men you’re with know you’re straight — dumb, I know but there you go — and maybe calling on other men to confirm they’re straight too, b) bonding with other men through “bravery” — even dumber, I know, but again there you go, and c) attempting to compliment women you find attractive but (and this goes back to item B) you’re pretty sure wouldn’t actually be interested in you.

Feminist analysis would probably add other things like keeping women in their places, telling women they’re valued only for their sexiness, etc.  But I think those are only side effects of what’s really mostly male-to-male communication.  Which is why I think men are embarrassed and even shocked when a woman they’ve cat-called tries to start a conversation. Final bit of evidence: at least in my experience, most men don’t (or at least didn’t) cat-call women they think they might actually have a chance of asking out later.

Gay Married Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Men cat-call because some atavistic impulse leads us to believe that it might get us sex.  Any time a man cat-calls at you, a part of him he isn’t aware of in any meaningful way is really hoping you’ll immediately stop whatever you’re doing, come over, knock him down, and have your way with him.  It’s like a mating ritual. Please understand that I’m not saying any man thinks this is actually going to happen (though there’s always Dimitri the Lover, so who knows).  This is all happening below the level of consciousness. Read the rest of this entry »



What Men Want You to Do with Their Nipples

May 12, 2015

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Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks,“What’s up with men’s nipples? Should I play with them or ignore them?”

Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): When it comes to nipple play and men, it’s very easy.  Some love it, some hate it, and some will ask you, during said act, and in a flat monotone, if you are “trying to get milk to come out.”  (Yes, that was a total mood killer.)  It really depends on the guy.  It will send some into the stratosphere and some racing for the front door.  Like everything, you never know until you give it a test drive. And if your guy really hates it, let’s hope he has the wherewithal to just say “Skip the nip, please.”

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): In the film Meet the Parents, the great Robert De Niro casually asks Ben Stiller, “I have nipples Greg, can you milk me?” Funny as that may be, it makes male nipples seem a bit, well, out of place. While they don’t serve any biological function like their female counterpart, they do have a purpose. As a kid, the titty twister and the purple nurple were always fun. As an adult, when a lady moves her mouth from my lips to my nips it always sends a shiver of excitement down my spine. But too much nipple play can be a bit annoying and even painful for me. Some women like to bite ‘em which, in my book, is not a good thing. So unless you know your guy’s into a little pleasure-pain, I’d say skip it. Here are a few nip tips for you ladies:

  1. Kiss em, lick em, but don’t bite!
  2. There are two, let’s not neglect one or the other.
  3. Don’t spend too much time with our nipples, it could get weird if we feel like you’re waiting for something to squirt out.

Straight Married Guy (Jim): I really can’t decide if I’d miss mine if I woke up without them.  My wife says she loves them about as much as my big toe or my bellybutton, both of which I would definitely miss. If you don’t get any response from your guy the first time, they’re safe to ignore.

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Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Jim from New York, our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter, and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett, owner of the LA PR firm Barnett Ellman. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo by via flickr



Do Guys Really Hate Talking on the Phone?

May 5, 2015

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photo via Flickr

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following:  Why do guys seem to hate talking on the phone?

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): My suspicion is that it has to do with how most straight guys talk, or rather, don’t talk. Straight men seem to not indulge in gossip and tangential storytelling when it comes to conversing with others. The phone is much more utilitarian to them. It’s about communicating the necessary information: where to meet, when, where are you parked, what should he buy your parents, etc. For the most part, they aren’t interested in talking about the banalities of daily life on the phone, and certainly not their feelings — not surprising, if you consider how difficult it is for them to talk about them in person. But whatever the reasons, don’t take it personally if he doesn’t like talking on the phone with you. In all likelihood, he is probably the same with his mom. It isn’t necessarily reflective of how he feels about you. And look on the bright(er) side: if he doesn’t like the phone, then the other option is more face time!

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): I’m not sure men hate talking on the phone.  I practically lived on the phone as a teenager, for instance, talking endlessly with both male and female friends.  And a very informal visual survey I made while thinking about the question turned up equal numbers of men and women passing by with cellphones to their ears.  None of them looked like they were hating it.  I’m going to wing it here, but it’s possible that in a world where men are supposed to make the first calls to ask women out — and might have more associations with being turned down — we might feel more self-conscious about saying “the wrong thing.”  Even when you make it clear you want to hear from us. Read the rest of this entry »



What Guys Really Think About Your Small Boobs

April 28, 2015

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Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “I think my boobs are too small — slightly pudgy guys have bigger boobs than me! Should I get a boob job?”

Gay Committed Guy (Mark): Gut response: No. Even though god knows how many Americans have some kind of body-image hangup, I don’t think “society” is shaming those pudgy guys into getting lipo on their manboobs in order to look more attractive to women. That said, if you think the pain and possible health risks associated with surgery and/or implants are worth it — if you really think it would improve your self-esteem, and you’ve exhausted all other options toward that end — it’s your decision. Anyone who tells you that you “should” get a boob job is either a creep or a plastic surgeon or an editor at Us Weekly magazine (the latter of which will be the first to mock your new rack for looking fake). I have friends who have had minor work done — breasts (adding and subtracting), eyes, nose, thighs, tummy — and they’ve all been pleased with the results. Obviously, if you do decide to go through with it, find a reputable doctor, and don’t go overboard with ridiculous porn-star balloons that are out of proportion with the rest of your body.

Straight Single Guy (Max): It kills me not to automatically say “Don’t do it!”, but I think it actually depends on a couple of things. Confidence, as you know, matters more than most factors when it comes to attraction. If you can’t talk to a guy because you’re too self conscious about the size of your boobs, then you need to do something. But plastic surgery might not be the answer. Boobs, as I and most guys see them, are always and only bonuses. If a girl has nice boobs, that’s great. But I’m not going to see a girl and think “Man, if she only had bigger boobs…” That’s just stupid. (If, however, this is the kind of guy you want, then by all means, get a boob job.) Personally, I think fake boobs are gross. I believe that most guys agree, no matter how much porn would have you believe otherwise. But again, you gotta do what makes you feel sexy. (Oh, and please don’t compare yourself to pudgy guys. That’s the first step in gaining a little self confidence.)

Straight Married Guy (Ben): My wife’s boobs have changed sooo much over the course of our relationship — from tiny to a handful to size F after our baby was born (we didn’t even know they made size F!) and then back to C. Each step of the way I’ve been right there enjoying them. It’s actually been one of the most amazing things about her body. That’s not to say your boobs are one day going to blossom or grow, but what’s made my wife’s body so immensely pleasurable for me and for her is her own comfort and confidence with it. Sexy does not equal boob size. Sexy equals feeling good and being confident in yourself and your sexuality. I say, learn to rock those nubs! You can always get the surgery later. Or have a baby.

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Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles. Our Committed Gay Guy, Mark, is a writer and teacher in NYC and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New England. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via Wikimedia Commons



A Male Perspective on Circumcision

April 21, 2015

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Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: What do you think about circumcision?

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): I know one person who was circumcised as an adult, so he’s the only guy I can think of who knows what it’s like both ways — sort of the Tiresias of circumcision — but he’s also a famous actor and I have a huge, huge crush on him, so if I tried to ask him about it I would probably die of embarrassment.  From a purely objective standpoint I suppose I’d say it’s a barbaric practice, but as a Jew I can’t imagine being uncircumcised. A gay Jewish friend of mine was the sperm donor for a Jewish lesbian couple, and when the issue of circumcision came up (in the event that they had a boy) it almost ruined the whole thing — my friend wanted his son to look like him, which I think is perfectly understandable, and the couple wanted not to mutilate their child, which I also think is perfectly understandable.  They had a girl, so the point was moot, but I myself intend to avoid the whole issue by remaining blissfully childless forever.

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): My friend recently asked whether he should circumcise his boy, and we found we were both passionately for it. But his wife was strongly against it (and she’s Jewish, go figure). We all did some research and found out that it’s generally healthier to be circumcised, so they decided to do it. But it’s a strange internal debate, because if you consider yourself anything close to a naturalist, then it’s almost hard to convince yourself of such a permanent and personal alteration of our time-honored design. Read the rest of this entry »



How to Go Down on a Man, According to Men

April 14, 2015

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photo via flickr

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s the difference between an average blowjob and an excellent blowjob?”

Straight Single Guy (Chris): I have had a handful of extraordinary blowjobs in my lifetime. Generally I say something to any talented giver, pointing out how noteworthy her skills are. One lovely woman asked me to explain why I thought it was so good. I thought about it for a minute and I think my answer to her is the same answer to this question:

  • Enthusiasm. You’ve got to enjoy what you do.
  • Vigor. You’ve got to do it like you want to finish the job.
  • Lubrication. You can’t be afraid of a little saliva.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): The thing that really separates the ho-hum BJ from the eyes-rolling-into-the-back-of-my-head one is undoubtedly passion and enthusiasm. Of course, there are many technical aspects that come into play, but even the most experienced, tongue-twisting mouth would be boring if there was no desire behind it. So, if you want to give a guy an excellent blowjob, get into it. There is nothing sexier for me than when the person blowing me is performing enthusiastically and getting turned on while doing so. I understand blowjobs are not everyone’s  cup of tea. So it’s time to play-act a little. Find out what your man likes and go for it full tilt booty. Hopefully you’ll get something equally excellent in return. Oh, and just in case somehow someone missed the memo,  the cardinal rule of blowjobs is NO TEETH.

Straight Married Guy (James Glazebrook): No teeth, and a lot of practice. Problem is, women don’t know how it feels to have your dick sucked, and how it should or shouldn’t be done — and we guys aren’t about to tell them how.  We’re far too grateful to be on the receiving end to interrupt with helpful hints.  We just lay back, relax, and hope it doesn’t grate too much.

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Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is James Glazebrook of Manflet, our Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico, and our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Who Do Men Think Should Pay on a Date?

April 7, 2015

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Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Who should pay on a first date?

Gay Committed Guy (Terence): A general rule that you can’t go wrong with: whoever asked their date out should pay. Real simple, eh? Now if you want  to be real smooth, then if A asked B out, then A should pay for the dinner, movie, show, ski trip, whatever, but B should offer up a scoop of gelato after the dinner, popcorn at the movies, or hot chocolate on the slopes. That’s what gets you both to the second date.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): I know feminists get all hot and bothered over this one, but I always liked to pay on the first date. It’s not like I expected anything in return or made any kind of big deal about it, but I just think it’s a nice thing to do. I usually asked the girl out on the date in the first place, so I felt like I should pay. If a girl insisted on paying half, I’d say, hey, you can buy me a drink later on. I think it’s okay to believe that women are 100% equal and still enjoy holding the door open for a woman, pulling out her chair, and paying for a first-date dinner. Read the rest of this entry »



What Men Really Think About Dating Older Women

March 31, 2015

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Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “What do men in general think about dating older women, or cougars?”

Straight Married Guy (Jim): The cougar seems like a largely positive stereotype and I’m all for it.  However, the importance of not dressing like you just chalked your first ID cannot be overstated.  That makes me sad.

Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): The cougar is a bit of an anomaly to me. On the one hand, cougars have experience, confidence and generally pleasing physical attributes, all of which are very attractive characteristics. On the flip side, they can be difficult to please and tend to try too hard. Personally, I find confidence attractive, but a truly attractive woman doesn’t have to try so hard to be sexy. So cougars aren’t generally my thing. But every now and again I’ll run into that mature woman who looks me in the eyes like she’s ready to pounce…and I hope she does. I think the trick to the sexy cougar is subtlety. If you can pull off a look 20 years below your age without appearing like it took you 20 years in the mirror to accomplish, you have  mastered cougar purrfection. Grrr baby, very grrr.

Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman):

“I am Cougar, hear me roar,
In years too big to ignore…”

If it isn’t already, this should be the anthem for the beloved cougar.  Prowl on, ladies! Honestly, what’s the big deal?  OK, so maybe it is a sexual desire fueled largely out of a denial that one is rapidly aging off this mortal coil. We’re all headed there anyway, aren’t we?  Why not grab a little nubile ass on the way out? The fact that, all these years later, we are still referring to older women as cougars, tells us that (1) we’re very attached to weird monikers for sexually-active women (see MILF); and (2) this country still has a problem with casual sex as it relates to women.

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Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Jim from New York, our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter, and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett, owner of the LA PR firm Barnett Ellman. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



The Amount of Sexual Attention Testicles Should Be Given

March 24, 2015

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photo via flickr
Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Should I pay more attention to my boyfriend’s balls?

Straight Single Guy (Mark): Well, at least don’t forget about them.  Getting past the generic notion that everyone’s preferences are different, and thus communication with your partner is key — absolutely true of course — I’d imagine that some guys rather enjoy the attention there, others could take it or leave it, and still others might even be quite averse to any focus there.  It could even vary from session to session depending on the mood.  I’d probably most equate it to nipples for gals — certainly an erotic component of the sensual buffet that shouldn’t be completely neglected by any means, but bottom line, they’re not the feature attraction.  Pay attention to them to the extent that they’re a complementary ingredient to an exquisite main course, and accordingly, season to, um, taste.

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): I’m sure it’s not what you meant, but if you don’t pay attention, you can accidentally hurt him.  Which brings up the most important thing about paying attention to his balls: even if you’re careful, he still might flinch until he’s sure you won’t hurt them.  The great news is the skin covering balls is marvelously sensitive.  And responsive!  Most women have had partners who can’t get enough of using a light touch to crinkle their nipples…and then to soften them again by cupping or mouthing to warm them back up again.  You can do much the same thing to crinkle his balls and then relax them again.  It won’t hurt him, the combination of sensations will feel good to him, and you may find it just as fascinating.  Final hint?  It feels wonderful to have one’s balls lightly tickled or scratched during orgasm.

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