Em & Lo's RSS Feed Em & Lo's Daily Email Feed Be Our Facebook Friend! Follow Us on Twitter!

LEVI's on Amazon

Good Vibes Summer Lubes

Buy on Amazon Kindle!

Sandals on Amazon


Archive | Wise Guys RSS feed for this section

Why He Didn’t Call or Text When He Said He Would

August 19, 2014

0 Comments

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why didn’t he call  (or text/email/Gchat/et al) when he said he would?

Straight Married Guy (Matt): There’s a simple answer to this one: it doesn’t matter. Most women I know get very worked up over this, and it never helps anything. It could be one of ten thousand possible reasons, and there is no chance that sitting and discussing it with your friends ad infinitum or stressing about it is going to help anything. It might just be some reason that has nothing to do with you (family problem, work problem, some other unrelated problem), or hey, maybe he likes you and he scared off the last woman he liked, so he’s forcing himself to pull back a little — or maybe your worst fear is true, and he isn’t actually into you.

You won’t figure any of this out by sitting there and worrying about it or analyzing every tidbit of your last conversation or email exchange looking for clues, so what’s the point? My advice is to do everything possible not to obsess over the guy’s delay in calling. Distract yourself with whatever you can, even a date or flirtation with someone else if that’s what it takes. And if he never calls back, fuck him. At least you can feel good about not having wasted all that time sitting by your phone.

Straight Single Guy (Colin): Let’s be optimistic for a moment. Maybe he was debating how long he should wait to call so that he wouldn’t seem desperate. But now he’s waited too long and feels silly calling so long after the fact. Okay now let’s be realistic. Most likely this guy fell into the trap we all do sometimes, saying what we think we should say instead of what we actually think. Maybe the sparks weren’t there and he didn’t have the heart to tell you. Try to get in touch with him if you can. But if he’s still flakey, give him a quick kick to the curb and move on.

Gay Committed Guy (Terence): While tempted to say, “He’s just not that…” I think not calling is more likely because the alcohol has worn off and/or another woman is already on the side. When a guy wants to get laid, and let’s face it, if he’s asking for your number, then he’s that kind of into you, the first question running through his head after getting your number is why didn’t we just go home then? Calling sets up a whole ‘nother time-consuming process that sometimes just doesn’t seem worth it.

Personally, I think not calling takes real balls — not the good ones. Either you’re an over-confident prick, or you’ve got a girlfriend. You’re over-confident thinking you can get someone better (easier), or you know you may get a little somethin’ started and then have to emergency bail out of the situation. Solution: always, always take his number even though it’s just as shitty to wait around for him to return your calls.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week they’re all a little shy.



Wise Guys: Do Men Ever Appreciate a Handjob?

August 12, 2014

0 Comments


photo via flickr

Advice from four of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: I’ve heard that it’s not worth giving a guy a handjob because he can just do it better himself. Is that true?

Straight Married Guy (Jamie): Sadly, yes.  But I think the problem is just one of misconception on the part of most women.  In my opinion many women think, perhaps due to their lovers’ penchant for hard and fast intercourse, that a handjob needs to be a vigorous yank-a-thon.  Ladies, please, you’re not trying to inflate a bicycle tire here!  Despite popular opinion, the penis is a very sensitive organ.  And, with improper handling, and without lubrication, it can chafe.  The truth is, we’re just really good at it all by ourselves. Don’t get me wrong, we love it when you touch us and we appreciate the thought but, beyond a little foreplay grabby-grab, leave the heavy lifting to the professionals.

Straight Single Guy (Chris): The handjob is the single most underrated and underused sexual skill in the mix. I suppose it’s a self-fulfilling prophesy, that guys don’t like handjobs because they are generally bad, and girls don’t give them because guys don’t like them, so they never get any better at them. Well, I for one protest. A good, thorough, properly lubed, and sufficiently practiced handjob can be an amazing and deeply fulfilling sexual experience.

Let me be somewhat specific while trying not to be too crude. First of all, you have a range of options of position and technique, grip, pressure, lubricant, and speed. In my opinion, far more than with any other “technique.” You have significantly more control, drawing out the orgasm and the, how shall I put it, location of completion? All of the best blowjobs involve significant participation of the hands, so why would anyone believe the hands aren’t a good option on their own?

Please, please ignore the naysayers and their, “If I wanted a handjob, I’d give it to myself.” Practice, practice, practice, and cultivate this skill. Feel free to practice on me if you need to…

Just please consider the following:

1. Never, ever, ever do it dry, under any circumstances.

2. Consider aiming at yourself (anywhere, but some places are better than others) rather than at our belly buttons.

3. Try from behind and underneath. Trust me.

4. Control it. Bring it to the edge and back again. And again.

5. Don’t forget the surrounding area.

Straight Single Guy #2 (Joe): Absolutely, unequivocally, 100% NOT TRUE!  Any guy would much rather have a handjob from you than from himself. First of all, guys do it by themselves ALL the time, so having you do it makes it a special treat. Imagine running your fingers lightly over your own skin: it feels nice.  Now imagine someone you are attracted to doing it.  Much better, eh?  The physical act might be identical, but having someone else’s body heat / touch / scent / sounds / smile there and then not knowing exactly what they’re going to do adds so much more to it.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): Nothing could be further from the truth, because there is nothing better than having someone do your work for you. While it’s true that guys can technically give themselves better handjobs than anyone else, it’s the thought — and effort — that counts. Gay guys don’t have a huge advantage over women here either: while having a dick does give you some insight into what works and what doesn’t, every guy is different and what blows my load may not get my man off. Personally I like a nice handjob to lead to a great blowjob, but if that’s not in the cards for whatever reason, a good handjob is wonderfully satisfying.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Jamie, a film editor in NY, our Straight Single Guy #1 is Chris DiClerico, and our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross. To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: Why Do Men Like Strip Clubs?

August 5, 2014

2 Comments

photo via Flickr

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why are some guys so into strip clubs? Do most guys buy into the fantasy that the stripper is actually enjoying herself — or don’t they care?

Straight Single Guy (Colin): Lots of guys aren’t into strip clubs. Probably more are kind of weirded out by them than you might think. For the ones who do enjoy an outing to the nearest nudie bar, it’s usually about the visual overload of the body parts we fantasize about all day long. Finally we can be praised for overtly staring at a woman’s breasts. We might imagine what women around us look like naked and a strip club is an opportunity to live the dream. It’s fun to pretend the stripper is enjoying herself, and some are at some times, but in the end it’s just pretending and most of us probably know — like a twelve your old who still plays into his parents leaving milk and cookies out for Santa Claus.

Gay Married Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Lawfully Wedded Husband): I’m not sure I’m really in a position to answer this, because I’ve worked as a stripper, and I kind of loved it. This is one way in which it’s much easier to be a gay man than a straight man:  you don’t have to worry that you’re objectifying female sex workers.

That said: I think the fantasy that the stripper is enjoying herself is exactly what makes strip clubs so exciting. Your average Joe is not the kind of guy at whom a gorgeous, scantily clad woman is likely to hurl herself. He’s just not attractive enough, or manly enough, or sexy enough, or powerful enough, or whatever enough. But the moment he walks into a strip club, gorgeous, scantily clad women start hurling themselves at him — a thing that couldn’t happen unless he were incredibly attractive, manly, sexy, powerful, and whatever. In a way the excitement isn’t about the woman in front of him at all; it’s about how she allows him to see himself.

Stripping has its own psychological rewards, by the way, at least for men who do it; these too come from how it allows the stripper to see himself. I have to imagine that stripping offers at least some of the same rewards to women who do it.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): Guys are into strip clubs because it’s not only visual stimulation, but it also changes the dynamic of who’s pursuing whom. In any strip club you’ll see the fattest, baldest middle-aged guy there being approached by women, each one asking if he wants a lap dance, with him waving off busty 19-year-old after busty 19-year-old, not giving most of them the time of day. Sure, most guys like seeing naked women, plain and simple, but it’s the flipping of the power dynamic that creates the strip club “regular” — the guy who gets blown off the most out in the real world and gets off on turning girls down (as well as having a 19-year-old ass grinding his package when he eventually gives one of them the nod).

Do we believe that the strippers are enjoying themselves? I think it’s a suspension of disbelief while you’re on the premises. So no, most guys who are inside the strip club don’t care in that moment if the strippers are enjoying themselves, and don’t allow themselves to think about it too much, or they’d lose their erections and head for the door.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish.To ask the guys your own question, click here.



Wise Guys: Which Would You Choose, Intercourse or Oral?

July 22, 2014

0 Comments

apples_orangesphoto via flickr

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “If guys had to choose between only intercourse or only blowjobs for the rest of their life, which do you think most guys would choose?”

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): I think most guys would choose blowjobs, but they really should be choosing intercourse. BJs are the best thing to happen to sex since sliced bread, but with added perks (let’s just say it’s like taking your car in for an oil change and getting a free car wash). Most men don’t get as many blowjobs in their daily routine as they’d like, so the prospect of guaranteed hummers for life is a dream come true. But it’s a devil’s bargain. Blowjobs are awesome, but they’re unsubstantial — mere icing on the cake. And a man can’t feel truly satisfied on a diet of sugar frosting alone. At some point he’s going to want to connect meaningfully with his partner. And by the time he gets to be 30 or 40 he may even want to have a baby. (Yes, men have biological clocks too. Ours are not as prominent as women’s, they’re more like pocket watches, but we have them.)

Straight Married Guy (Fred): I think most guys would struggle with this one, but then decide that intercourse would be the better choice. There are more variations of intercourse, for one thing.  There’s more skin contact which is always nice. Giving her pleasure at the same time is a big turn on.  The fact that intercourse is active rather than passive makes it a more likely choice for guys.  We like to do stuff… like aggressive pelvic thrusting.

Read the rest of this entry »



Wise Guys: What Do Men Think About When They Masturbate?

July 8, 2014

0 Comments


photo via flickr

Advice from three of our guy friends. A while back, one woman wanted to know “Why do men masturbate in relationships, even when the sex is good and regular?” In his response, Max (one of our Single Straight Guys) said, “Trust me: You don’t want to do the things that we’re thinking about when masturbating.” So we wanted to know “What DO guys think about when they masturbate?” Ironically, of all three guys’ answers to this follow-up question, it’s Max’s that we thought was the most tame:

Straight Single Guy (Max): In order to masturbate, I have to have some kind of scenario in my head. It can be past experiences, girls that I’ve been with and (perhaps most often) girls that I want to be with. It might be the girl that was making eyes at me earlier in the day (though the likelihood is that I was making eyes at her and just misinterpreting her look of “what are you staring at?”) or perhaps stranger subjects, such as fictional girls from dreams, co-workers, or women that you might consider out of your age range but still attractive (there’s a reason that MILF is a household word).

Oftentimes, the male mind is most interested in the forbidden. For instance, the girlfriend that wouldn’t try anal? It’s only going to happen in your head. Already have a girlfriend but have the hots for her friends? Save everyone the heartache. You really want to break into your workplace late at night and pour champagne all over each other and do it on your boss’s desk? You won’t get arrested if it’s just a dream. Bisexual fantasies? Go for it. Essentially, I view masturbation as a time for completely uncensored fantasy. Whatever comes to mind and turns me on, I go with it. And as far as girls’ fantasies go? I’m amazed when I talk to my girl friends and they all say that they don’t think about much of anything… just concentrating. Weird.

Gay Committed Guy (Mark): As a very private person who sticks to a fairly small collection of gay vanilla porn for solo gratification, the specifics of this one are probably out of my league.  Fantasies are boundless and infinitely various — that’s sort of the point, right? — regardless of whether one is a man or a woman.  (Although I’d like to ask Max, a.k.a. “you don’t want to know” what could be so bad.  Violence?  Unsanctioned excrement?  Pets?) That said, some educated guesses as to what some straight guys might be thinking of while wanking:

1) Women who are not their wives/girlfriends.

2) Their wives/girlfriends doing really degrading stuff (see above).

3) Men.

Read the rest of this entry »



Wise Guys: Do Men Ever Turn Down Casual Sex?

July 1, 2014

6 Comments

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Do guys ever turn down casual sex? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (Jamie): My own experience with casual sex is a bit limited.  I was always a “girlfriend guy” and it was only between relationships that I occasionally had the chance to get freaky with someone I wasn’t dating.  I’m sure there are plenty of reasons why a guy might choose to go home to his Xbox over a no-strings-attached BJ, but in my case it was almost always because the girl was way too drunk.  Call me old-fashioned, but there’s just nothing sexy to me about that slack-jawed, half-lidded stare from some girl in a bar who spills most of her drink wobbling over to you to invite you home.  The couple of times I did go home with someone who was far less than sober, the sex was always overly urgent and awkward and (shocker!) I usually regretted it.

Straight Single Guy (Chris): Yes guys do, contrary to popular belief, turn down casual sex on occasion. The number one reason given, “That bitch was crazy!” It’s really simple. Guys love casual sex when it is actually casual. If the chances of the girl going sideways and stalking, calling every day thereafter, or crying hysterically is too high, the risk to reward ratio is simply not good enough to take the chance. In all likelihood, any guy who is trolling for casual sex has a handful of booty-call numbers in his phone anyway, and isn’t scared to use them.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): Gay guys turning down casual sex is like Tara Reid turning down a drink, but it does happen from time to time. The reasons can include just about anything from “I’m too drunk” to “you’re too ugly,” to “I’m going shopping with my mom,” but I find the most common reason guys turn down casual sex is because they’re in or starting a more serious relationship. And straight guys? I don’t think they’re any different from gay guys in this respect (except for, perhaps, the shopping thing). To a lesser extent, guys abstain from doing it no-strings to avoid passing on any temporary if nasty bugs. Gotta be clean!

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross and our Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:



Wise Guys: Is It Really Such a Big Deal If I Hate Giving Blowjobs?

June 24, 2014

5 Comments

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “I really hate going down on guys. I’ve tried it, I don’t like it. In fact, I loathe it. I feel bad about it, but if I don’t expect oral in return (I don’t), then why should I feel compelled to do something I don’t enjoy?”

Straight Single Guy (Colin): Really there is no guy that should expect oral. It’s totally up to you what you feel comfortable with sexually and we’ll enjoy what you want to do. If you see it as a tit-for-tat deal and you’re not asking for anything, then you’re right, you shouldn’t feel compelled to return a favor you’re not receiving. As long as you’re upfront with your feelings on oral, then everything is okay. My only thought is that for the people we really care about, sometimes we do things we don’t necessarily enjoy just to make them feel good, to make them feel sexy, to make them feel special — and sometimes just to get them off. I don’t think you should feel obligated to be going downtown all the time like you’re Petula Clark or something, but don’t hurry to rule it out for good. It can be something special you pull out of your sexual toolkit only for true knights in shining armor.

Straight Married Guy (Matt): This is a tough one. I’d say it’s a very rare guy who isn’t going to want at least the occasional blowjob. I’ve actually never met one of these mythical creatures. Even if they do exist, how would you go about finding one? A personal ad title like “Must NOT Want Blowjobs” would probably result in crickets chirping in your empty inbox. So that leaves you with waiting until you’re at the point of discussing sexual details with a prospective partner to bring the topic up. Most guys aren’t going to be thrilled with your take on the matter, but sooner or later, maybe you’ll find a guy who doesn’t think blowjobs are all that great. But wouldn’t giving the occasional (special occasion) blowjob be a little easier than banking on these super longshot odds? I think so, but then I’m a guy. And like pretty much all guys, I’d seriously consider giving up food, water and shelter before blowjobs.

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): If you don’t like going down on guys, there’s absolutely no reason you should feel compelled to do so.  However, there’s also absolutely no reason a guy should feel compelled to keep dating you if you won’t go down on him.  You just have to find somebody who gets his kicks in other ways. The pool will be much smaller, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t, um, fish to be had.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Engaged Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com:

 



Why Do Men Masturbate When They’re Having Regular Sex?

June 18, 2014

6 Comments


photo via flickr

Wise Guys is a regular column offering advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: Why do men masturbate in relationships, even when the sex is good and regular?”

Straight Married Guy (Ben): Every guy has a regular masturbation frequency (RMF) that is more or less unchangeable (though over the long-term, factors which usually have nothing to do with sex — like age or stress — can influence it). Take however many orgasms a guy’s already having with his partner and multiply it by his RMF — that’s how much a guy will masturbate. For example, a friend tells you his RMF is 1.3, so if he’s had a total of 3 orgasms with his partner in the past week, you multiply that by 1.3 to get the number of times he’ll want to masturbate that week (about 4). Now, some guys are high (RMF=2 or more) and others are low (RMF=1 or less!). But even if he has a really low RMF, like .25, that still means he’ll want to masturbate once after he’s had sex five times with his partner that week. So don’t focus on whether or not he’s masturbating: it’s a given. Instead, engage him on what he’s doing while he’s masturbating — what he’s looking at, or imagining, or fantasizing about. That’s where you’ll learn about your guy.

Gay Committed Guy (Mark): Perhaps the most obvious answer would be “Why shouldn’t they?” (As long as it’s not interfering with the sex — “Sorry, honey, I’ve already come three times today.”)  No, wait, the most obvious answer is, “Because they’re men.”  I’m sure, when it’s all over with, that people don’t look back on their lives, regardless of gender, and wish they’d had fewer orgasms.  Also, if it’s meant to be a monogamous relationship, better he should have the extra fun with himself than with some third (or fourth, etc.) party(-ies).

Read the rest of this entry »



Wise Guys: My Girlfriend Says Porn Is a Dealbreaker, Is She Right?

June 10, 2014

8 Comments

photo via flickr

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What do you do if your girlfriend, whom you love very much, doesn’t understand why you like and watch porn occasionally: she’s intellectually and viscerally opposed to it, thinks it is a horrible industry that exploits people and perpetuates sexism and misogyny, and has suggested to me that it might be a deal breaker?”

Straight Single Guy (L.A. Chris): Well she has a point, but she doesn’t fully understand men if she makes that a deal breaker. (Good luck finding a man who doesn’t like porn; it’s hard enough to find one that doesn’t like sports!) Some porn is perfectly healthy, and if a guy can’t explain that convincingly, or is too afraid to put his foot down, then he should throw in the towel and throw away his stash. That’s not to say he can’t dabble now and again, but he should stay away from the Brazilian fart porn and Japanese girls exchanging bodily fluids just in case.

Straight Married Guy (Fred): Keep it a secret from her!  Okay, you could try to explain that it has nothing to do with her, that she’s not in any competition with it, that it’s a normal and unavoidable part of being a guy, and that she’ll never find any guy who doesn’t look at porn from time to time… or you could just make it a private thing.  Don’t talk about it and definitely don’t let her see any signs of it.  Ignorance is bliss. If you’re feeling lucky, you could also point out her relationship with shoes (or women’s magazines, or whatever) and say that you’re viscerally opposed to it, think it is a horrible industry that exploits people and perpetuates sexism and misogyny, and suggest that it might be a deal breaker.

Read the rest of this entry »



Wise Guys: What If Her Libido Is Bigger Than His?

April 16, 2014

0 Comments

photo via Flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What would most guys think about dating a woman whose sex drive was higher than his? Would it be awesome? Annoying? Lead to insecurities? Make you think less (or more) of her? All of the above?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

mark_luczak_100Straight Single Guy (Mark Luczak): Not possible, right? (What sex drive is higher than wanting it all the time?) Actually, as awesome as this sounds at first glance for the stereotypical hornball guy, in reality any dissonance in sex drive can be challenging on many levels (I’ve been on both sides of it to at least some degree). Feeling attractive and desired is unquestionably wonderful, but if someone simply happens to be in the mood less frequently, it can be uncomfortable for all involved. In the gender roles here, the guy might feel that he’s perpetually disappointing, while the girl might easily start to feel insecure emotionally and physically over why every opportunity isn’t taken.

With a strong enough couple and commitment, though, a variance in sex drive is hardly insurmountable. Communication and genuine willing flexibility can certainly overcome the challenges and leave everyone more than fulfilled.

daniel_100Gay Single Guy (Daniel): Most guys would probably love it if the woman they were dating had a high sex drive. I mean, isn’t that part of the fantasy of women in porn? A hyper-sexualized woman? I think it would only lead to insecurity if the man himself were insecure.

 

Straight Married Guy (David Felsen):

A) First of all, that’s just impossible. No. Wait. There was this South African woman who nearly broke me. Serves me right for dating a rolfer. I still get panic attacks whenever I hear a voo voo zela.

B) Trust me, there’s nothing “awesome” about a dislocated sacrum, a desiccated scrotum, and a deviated vas deferens. If you see a guy hunched sideways at a urinal or a tree holding a right angle and two golden raisins, it’s me. And yes, it’s “annoying.” I can’t say her libido “lead to insecurities,” as that started when my sister told me I was adopted.

C) “Think less of her?” I wouldn’t dare. I hope she’s found another guy to love…to death.

D) “All of the above.”

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is NY writer-comedian David Felsen; our Gay Guy is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; and our Straight Single Guy is Mark Luczak, a tech geek at Carnegie Mellon University. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


MORE LIKE THIS ON EMandLO.com: