photo via Flickr

dvice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What would you do if you had one day to be and think like a woman?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (Ben): The very first thing I’d do is make out with my wife —  so hot when she kisses other women. And really, I hate to be so cliche, but I’m probably like 9 out of 10 guys in that, with just one day as a woman, I’d prolly focus in on the physical experience of being a woman. In other words, lots of sex — lots of it with my wife and lots of it with whatever guys I could find (don’t worry, all okayed by my wife should this ever occur, as long as I play safe, she says). I’d probably have to leave the house at some point for more supplies (food, condoms, men, etc.) and I imagine it’d be at that point that I’d find out all about things like objectification, sexism and just how terrible men are as a class. This, I figure would be completely overwhelming and depressing. So I’d beat a quick retreat home and back into bed.

Straight Single Guy (Max): Obviously, the first thing I would do is try to have an orgasm. Or rather, orgasms. As many as possible. As a man, I’ve always been a bit jealous and very curious about the possibilities of multiple orgasms, and given this opportunity, I would go for it. After that? I’d probably go out and try to get some nice young man to buy me a whole lot of drinks, a fancy dinner, and maybe torture him a bit before I went home, alone, and pursued even more orgasms. Because hey: I’m still a straight guy, even if I’m in a woman’s body. I assume that I would retain my sexual orientation within such a magical transformation, and thus would not want to take a dude home. I’d feel bad about it, and I certainly don’t encourage women to take this route, but experimenting with men as a woman… well, it gets confusing.

Gay Single Guy (Daniel): I have often wondered what the difference is between straight women and gay men when it comes to how they think and feel about men in general. My suspicion is that it’s probably very similar. Even more interesting to me is how women approach sex with a man. Having enough male privilege, I could say that I’d fearlessly go after the kind of straight man I could never have as a gay man. But since I’ve never really experienced a fear of sexual violence towards me, that aspect would surely add another layer of complication/fascination to pursuing said straight man. Oh, and while I was at it, I’d definitely masturbate a lot so I could experience the most ecstatic multiple orgasm ever.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Ben, a writer and artist living in Los Angeles who runs AdultParlorGames.com; our Gay Guy is is one-time stripper and sex columnist Daniel; and our Single Straight Guy, Max, is a recent college grad in New York City. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Lover’s Prisoner Kit available at EdenFantasys.com

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What would you tell a guy who was intimidated by the idea of his partner bringing sex toys into the bedroom?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Single Guy (Tom Miller): Men take a certain amount of pride in their bedroom abilities, and despite the fact that we intellectually know most women can’t orgasm from insertion alone, it bums us out. However, letting a guy know that his anatomy is acceptable (almost too acceptable, really) and that you just have different needs goes a long way towards soothing his ego. Throw in something about the mystery of female sexuality and that you’ll let him hold the device in question, thus providing him additional “skin in the game,” and it should be gravy. Unless he’s a jerk or a babyhead.

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): The dead cliché answer would be to remind him that  they’re only called “toys” and “novelties” to get around puritanical blue laws. In reality, you could tell him, sex “toys” are tools for sex. Guys like tools. But here’s a more original approach: Tell him, if someone brings a Monopoly board into the den it would be a pretty good sign she’d like to play with you, right? So if your partner brings a sex toy into the bedroom that’s an even better sign she wants to play with you.

Gay Married Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Get over yourself. And bend over.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. Tom Miller writes the Tomfoolery blog for YourTango; this week’s Gay Married Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish; and our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo by rightee

In respons to this week’s Wise Guys installment by Angelo, Johnny and Chris about the appeal of the facial, fellow Wise Guys Figleaf and Mark wanted a piece of the action. Apparently, this is THE week to talk about money shots:

Figleaf 
January 17th, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I’m not even stepping into the whole “facial” business. I’ll just point out Charlie Glickman’s thoughts from a post that arrived in my newsreader moments before this one:

http://www.charlieglickman.com/2012/01/where-does-validation-come-from/.

Instead I’ll just say I think the “money shot” is a seriously stupid dual artifact of porn. First, in the production of porn it’s just way more convenient to towel semen off skin than out of bodily orifices and therefore it’s more cost effective. This is why, at least early on, it was the low-budget porn shops that did money shots rather than the well-heeled ones. Second, for decades, anyway, porn was primarily an aid for male masturbation and so, I think, money shots are a way to help watchers identify with male actors.

I really think the masturbation element is key. Yes, you’ll occasionally see men’s parters “finishing” them off, but for the vast, vast, vast majority of cases the man essentially stops interacting physically with his partner, steps back a ways, and basically jacks off.

Again, fine if you’re at home alone. But seems to me sort of the whole point of sex with a partner is to have sex with them… not just onthem.

Now, that said, don’t get me wrong. If you’re both into it (and increasing numbers of both men and women seem to be) and it’s all good clean fun for both of you then great. Lots of great things about “sex” don’t actually involve sex.

Also, that said, another name for “money shots” is “the withdrawal method.” And while nothing in life is certain, when ejaculation occurs outside a partner’s body it at best reduces the odds of pregnancy and STI transmission and even at worst it evens them out between the semen donor and semen receiver. So that’s ok too.

But at the end of the day, for me, the physical pleasure reduction of orgasm via masturbation rather than with a partner isn’t worth whatever symbolic enjoyment it seems to bring other people.

So, again for me, thanks but no thanks.

 

Mark
January 18th, 2012 at 9:41 am

Wise Guys must think alike — fellow WG figleaf, you stole my thunder! I, too, have Glickman’s blog in my feed, saw the coincident timing in yesterday’s post, and planned to link not only to it but to the first article he links to, “He Wants to Jizz on Your Face, but Not Why You Think”: http://jezebel.com/5875217/ — totally, uh, topical. 

photo of Old Faithful by Chuck Martin

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s the appeal of the “money shot?“ To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Gay Single Guy (Angelo Nikolopoulos of The White Swallow): For men, the orgasm is the raison d’être of sexual activity, so the money shot—or facial, if you prefer—seems to be the requisite punctuation mark at the end of the male sexual narrative. Thus, when the sex is mediocre, the money shot provides the same definitive closure a period brings to the end of a sentence: Hand me the towel, honey.

Alternately, when the sex is explosive, the MS becomes declarative and celebratory. Grammatically, then, it’s the exclamation mark: Look how far it went, honey!

Sure, some women might find it degrading, but I think it’s adorable. It’s like watching a man stand back to admire the fruits of his labor. In any event, having your spunk land anywhere—the headboard, a calf—beats exiling it into a condom, that grammatical cesspool of uncertainty: Honey, did you finish yet?

Straight Single Guy (Chris): I assume the quotes means you are referring to the grandfather of all money-shots, the facial. This one is easy. It’s all about being proud of what you did. A visible, measurable artifact of male potency, left in the only place on the woman’s body that will require her to clean it up before she can do anything else. It’s not quite a money shot when it’s a tiny little dribble, but when you know a volumous one might be on its way, its a real ego boost to see it fly, and land, and then require special attention. I do not think that degradation and defilement are a real part of it. Maybe for some asshole guys, but not the majority. Yes, there is an aspect of domination/submission, but that’s very different. So in short: it’s visible virility and power. I’m getting horny writing this.

Straight Committed Guy (Johnny): If you’d asked me this ten years ago I could have written a dissertation about it. I was absolutely enthralled with the money shot for a long time. Once again the blame lies with porn. It probably never would have occurred to me to come on a woman’s face had I not seen it on video first. Back in the day porn was a lot less nasty then it is now, and a facial seemed pretty damn kinky by the standards of the day.

As with any fetish, though, it’s difficult to articulate the exact appeal. It’s like trying to explain why your favorite food tastes good. I think the facial is now just one point on a long checklist of sexual accomplishments men like to boast:

Much older partner? Check.
Much younger partner? Check.
Huge-breasted partner? Check.
In her butt? Check.
In MY butt? Check.
Facial? Check.

At this point I’ve seen and given so many money shots that it’s kind of passe to me. These days my lady partners actually suggest it more than I do. So, you tell me!

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Gay Guy is Angelo Nikolopoulos, host of an NYC queer reading series The White Swallow; Straight Single Guy is blogger Chris DiClerico; and our Straight Committed Guy is regular EMandLO.com commenter, Johnny. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Given a choice, would most guys like to watch porn with a partner? Or would they prefer to keep it as a purely solo activity?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Straight Married Guy (David Jacobs): You’re talking to someone whose wife gets embarrassed when actors make out in regular old Hollywood fare, so I’ll admit I haven’t pushed the mutual porn-watching angle much. This is not to say she’s a total prude — she’s just not a fan of excessive PDA. Granted, there doesn’t seem to be much genuine affection evident in your average porno, though certainly plenty of over-the-top affected passion. Actually, that being the case, she might get a kick out of some brief triple-X viewing here and there, since she loves ridiculous, badly acted B-movies, especially the made-for-TV variety. But it would just be for laughs — which is obviously not why I’d want to rope her into the whole thing. No, the reason you try to get your partner to watch porn with you is to make her horny, or better yet to make her realize that a threesome with a super-hot, slutty nurse is really all she wants for Valentine’s Day. Otherwise you’re better off saving that kind of thing for the occasional date with yourself, and instead spending quality time with your partner either watching an intentionally funny movie or getting it on to the less polarizing accompaniment of Marvin Gaye or 30 Rock.

Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): Personally, I’ve tried watching porn with my husband, and overall it’s been a somewhat unsatisfying experience. Of course, each man is different. But for me, porn is a very personal “me time” activity. I find that most guys are very picky about porn, and they each have their own particular way that they like to watch it. The glut of internet porn available to us has also made us very greedy. We all have our own particular way we want to watch it — sometimes we want to see some oral action, and then flip to some penetration, then back to oral. Or we want to have ten videos up on our computer at the same time, and flip back and forth between scenes. Maybe we want to watch a longer, slow-burning clip. Or perhaps we just want to watch that one moment that is just so hot -- over and over again. It all depends on our mood. When my husband comes in and messes with the control I’m used to having, I begin to get antsy. But every guy has a different style. Maybe your man’s style is to watch it together. Just ask. If you want to watch it with him and it gets you in the mood, I guarantee he will be willing to work something out.

Straight Single Guy (Adam): Hmmm… interesting question… gimme a sec…. okay, back (sorry, had to hit pause on the good ol’ Blu-Ray).  Now to your question: I don’t think there’s a black and white answer to this one because it all depends on mood and purpose. Feeling inspired and all alone?  If so, then maybe it’s time for a little solo viewing.  Feeling frisky and your S.O. is around (and she’s feeling frisky too)?  Why not make it a tandem activity?  All that said though, my suspicion is that most guys would probably prefer to watch porn by themselves.  There can be a certain discomfort about watching your favorite dirty movies with someone else because you’re not sure what the other person is ultimately going to think about the things that turn you on.  It’s kind of like watching the Lord of the Rings movies with someone whose never seen them before: You hope the other person likes them, but more importantly, you hope they still like you afterward.  (Plus, what are they going to think of all that hobbit-on-hobbit love at the end?! Which, come to think of it, and depending on genre, can be a question equally applicable to porn.)

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is David Jacobs, a NYC-based photographer; our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross, who works for a network news program and lives in Brooklyn with his husband and two dogs; and our Straight Single Guy is Adam, a lawyer and native Floridian in his early thirties. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What do most guys think of feminism: a successful movement that’s not needed any more, an eternal campaign of whiney man-haters, or a philosophy that makes the world a better place for both men and women?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Single Bisexual Guy (Jack): I grew up in a very matriarchal family, and I have always had female teachers, supervisors, even mentors. I directly credit one woman, in particular, for helping me to advance dramatically in my career. It’s always been a non-issue for me – women are just as intelligent, talented and productive as men, and can be as successful if given the same opportunities. I can’t speak for all guys, but I know for many guys my age and younger, it’s a non-issue. We believe in equality and we get the whole feminist viewpoint, and we even get that we’re going to continue to be blamed for being male just because men have been such morons for so many generations before us. I think it is a philosophy that is still needed because there are still a fair number of cavemen out there in government and business that we all have to contend with, and we still want the women in our lives to be able to be all they aspire to be.

Married Bisexual Guy (Bryan Sebeck): Whiney man-haters with penis envy, for sure. Though, not really. The problem with feminism is that, much like religion, it’s an umbrella term that refers to many different beliefs. It does no justice to feminists or anybody else to try and lump them all into the same category. Of course, there are some violent, man-hating, penis-envying feminists out there, but they’re few and far between. The problem is that they give all other feminists a bad name.

At its heart, feminism is about gender equality, which goes both ways. It’s about men being able to cook, clean, sew, spin yarn, knit, and the like just as much as it’s about women being able to turn wrenches, chop down trees, go off to war, and all of those other stereotypical guy things. Most men understand this and can get behind it.

On their surface, however, many men will completely deny this. Why? Because they have to maintain status in front of their “bros”. We can’t be seen as supporting women’s rights for fear of ((shudder)) being seen as gay. Seriously, there are a lot of guys who legitimately feel this way. Any man who’s worth keeping around for more than a night, however, will be completely honest and forward about it.

Single Straight Guy (Saad): Well, feminism has evolved. Roughly 100 years ago the focus was securing women’s right to vote; 40 or 50 years ago it was striving for equal footing in society, entering the workplace, being more than obedient housewives. We had to wait until 2009 for passage of the Lily Ledbetter Act helping ensure equal pay for equal work, and if feminism is around 50 years from now, chances are, some different set of issues will drive the movement. Even today we see ongoing discussions about household roles, birth control, and whether there could be a woman president. As far as what this guy thinks of feminism: it’s a good thing if my female friends, my past and future girlfriends, or my sister can decide for themselves what to study, where to work, whom to date, and how and when they decide to start a family — and have the men and wider society around them respect these decisions.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Married Bisexual Guy is Bryan Sebeck, a newlywed engineer and artist working in Detroit, MI who blogs at A Yooper Steampunk; our Single Bisexual Guy is Jack, a software consultant based in Phoenix, Arizona who blogs at Facets of Our Lives;; and our Single Straight Guy is  Saad Hasan, who works on nanotechnology with a team in Pennsylvania. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s your ideal New Year’s Eve?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Married Straight Guy (Ben D.): For a married guy, the kids are away at the grandparents’, and we’re either at a bar or big private party with a lot of our friends and plenty of booze.  Afterwards we all head to the hotel, which conveniently has a 24-hour pool and hot tub.  Then back up to the room to properly ring in the new year with the missus.  Essentially, getting a chance to party and be wild again, like you’re 25 with no responsibilities.  Best part about hooking up with your wife is no worries on STDs, pregnancy, or awkward moments in the morning.

Single Straight Guy (Scott Phrenetik): A good house party is really where it’s at for New Year’s Eve. There’s no need to go out somewhere super crowded and over-priced to ring in the new year. Additionally, the opportunity to meet new people is much greater in that kind of atmosphere and will better lend itself to finding someone to share a kiss with when the clock strikes midnight.

Single Gay Guy (Abraham Zeus Zapata): Reminiscing with family and friends early in the evening, heading home early to avoid drunk drivers, then having incredible sex while the big ball drips, I mean, drops.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Single Gay Guy is Abraham Zeus Zapata, an actor, writer and artist living in the Houston area; our Single Straight Guy is Scott Phrenetik, who moonlights as a DJ in Dallas; and our Married Straight Guy is Ben D., a former professional fighter who would now much rather spend time with his wife and baby son than get punched in the face by a sweaty man. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo from Santa Speedo Run

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “– What is up with the sexy Santa lingerie meme?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Married Straight Guy (Jake): This one is all about word association and sneakery. Santa determines if you are naughty or nice, sneaks into your house in the middle of the night and leaves you something. It is almost automatic for the male mind to transfer this to a sexy red lace-clad hottie, a naughty one, jingling your bells with her one horse open sleigh.

Single Straight Guy (Megan): There is a fetish for everything: stuffed animals, high-heels, latex, role-play and even Cloverfield monsters.  The sexy holiday thing is another one of these. And there are enough guys who are into — or at least enough guys who’ll fall for a marketing gimmick — to make it mainstream. Personally, I just can’t get behind, as it were.  There is nothing less sexy to me than the thought of my partner in an outfit that reminds me of four-legged animals with pointy antlers; the icy North Pole; tiny, Spock-eared toy-makers in green skirts made of burlap; and the presents I didn’t get for Christmas.  My partner in a Santa outfit is as sexy as watching David Hasselhoff eating a cheeseburger off the floor.   I’d rather listen to Mike Tyson and Gilbert Gottfried sing Christmas carols than see my lover jingle all the way in a stocking cap.  All of that said, I think I’m going to have to try it.  You never know, right?

Committed Gay Guy (Dwayne): Since the very first sexy Santa, the meme snowballed and now it’s just the done thing. Over the past few decades, the “trend” to wear sexy santa lingerie became mainstream thanks to its use in advertisements, appearances on YouTube, etc.  Sex sells in our culture, from the “Sexiest Man Alive” and celebrity sex tapes to pundits debating Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann’s attractiveness; it gets everyones attention, especially men’s, and especially when linked to an icon. Of course, it didn’t hurt that dressing up in themed underwear is always a great way to shock and entice a lover (never worked for me — usually just gets a laugh). So it reached a tipping point, and since most people feel comfortable doing what “everyone” else is doing, it’s now a traditional part of our Christmas culture (like it or not).

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Committed Gay Guy is Dwayne Resnick, a mid-20th-century decorative arts dealer in NY’s Hudson Valley; our Single Straight Guy is The Meeglet blogger Megan, a former librarian whose Men of the Stacks calendar benefits the It Gets Better Project, and our Married Straight Guy is Jake Kulji, a Minneapolis-based freelance writer who blogs at Analogue Living and who has written two Minnesota hiking and camping guidebooks. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

photo via flickr

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Do most guys still fantasize about other people when they’re in a relationship? During masturbation or during sex with their partner, or both?“ To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Married Straight Guy (Irad Eyal of Sexdegrees.net): Fantasize? What does that mean “fantasize”? If by fantasize you mean think about with a desire to replace the person you’re with, then no, absolutely not. That’s crazy talk. But if by fantasize you mean day dream about in a sexy alternate universe where people you know do wonderful unexplainable things to you, then of course. I’m pretty in-the-moment during couples activities and I don’t possess the buddhist-power to clear the intercourse-monkey-chatter and replace it with fantasies, but during alone time, why not. When you’re in a relationship, your thoughts are one of the few things you have complete control over! If I can’t decide the color of my bath towels, or what restaurant we’re going to, at least I can choose my masturbation fantasies.

Single Straight Guy (Colin Adamo of Hooking Up & Staying Hooked): Most guys are fantasizing about all sorts of people, places, and things outside the boundaries of their own relationship (or reality) when they are seeing someone. Even the dictionary will back me up on this – “the faculty or activity of imagining things, esp. things that are impossible or improbable.” At best we’re only using these thoughts to pass the time sitting in traffic. On average we’re wanking to these in the shower if you went to sleep early and we’re still feeling pretty frisky. And for some of us these mental adventures are helping us get off in bed. It usually doesn’t have anything to do with what we think of our partner, just how active our imagination is at that moment.

Committed Gay Guy (Terence): I don’t fantasize about anyone else during sex with my partner. Never have. But masturbation is open season and everyone gets to play in my fantasies; me most of all. And I’m fantasizing all the time when I’m walking down the street, buying groceries or sitting at my desk.

Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. Irad Eyal is a writer, TV producer, and founder of celebrity gossip site Sexdegrees.net; Colin Adamo is a recent Yale grad and author/blogger behind Hooking Up & Staying Hooked, the only sex and relationships resource specifically for high school guys; and Terence is an American living in Sydney. To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What’s a good holiday present for 1) a guy you’ve just started dating (sleeping with), 2) a guy you’ve been exclusive with for a year or so, 3) a husband? To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Married Straight Guy (Jake):
Sexy gift idea / Normal, but awesome gift idea:
1) A bottle of bourbon / A bottle of bourbon
2) A surprise night in a nice hotel / A turntable and some vinyl
3) Erotica / A classy silver pocket watch

Single Straight Guy (Megan): One of the best presents I have ever received was a bouquet of flowers.  I think that would be acceptable in all three of these circumstances, especially if you just started sleeping with the guy.  Of course, this would be an admission that you are genuinely interested in him so if you don’t want to take the risk that he may not reciprocate the sentiment, do something manly/boyish.  Go to a game with him or a concert or whatever it is you know he likes to do.  This lets him know you are interested in doing things with him and that you are willing to participate in his hobbies.  Remember:  if you ask a group of women what they did over the weekend, they would talk about the emotions they experienced over that weekend.  If you asked a group of men what they did over the weekend, they would talk about the activities they engaged in.  Early on, keep it about activities.  If you’ve been exclusive with a man for an extended period of time be he a long-term boyfriend or current husband, then make sure to remember the details of your gift.  Just because you’ve been together for a while and gone through a few holidays together doesn’t mean you shouldn’t wrap it up and make it pretty.  The fact that you still take the time to package it lovingly says just as much as the gift inside.  As for what to put under the wrapper, make it that thing he wants and always talks about, but that he never buys for himself.  This takes planning and forethought, but that’s the beauty of the gift.  You didn’t just pick up something at the last minute.  You’ve been listening for weeks or even months, and that’s the best gift of all: attention.

Committed Gay Guy (Dwayne): I think the best presents come from the heart, no matter how long or intimate you are with someone.  Something made by hand that’s unique is always appreciated and considered special, such as a “coupon book” with coupons for everything from doing dishes to sex dates. More elaborate handmade gifts depends on your skill set, anything from an addition on the house to an oil painting portrait. It’s good to keep in mind should be given whenever the mood strikes, not necessarily on a Hallmark holiday.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Committed Gay Guy is Dwayne Resnick, a mid-20th-century decorative arts dealer in NY’s Hudson Valley; our Single Straight Guy is The Meeglet blogger Megan, a former librarian whose Men of the Stacks calendar benefits the It Gets Better Project, and our Married Straight Guy is Jake Kulji, a Minneapolis-based freelance writer who blogs at Analogue Living and who has written two Minnesota hiking and camping guidebooks. To ask the guys your own question, click here.