We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:
Dear Em & Lo,
I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months now. We live together and in almost every area of our relationship things are seemingly perfect. Except, unfortunately our sex life. My boyfriend has no sex drive, which has changed from when we first met. When we first met we were having sex a few times a day and it was passionate and exciting. My boyfriend told me that he has always had a problem in which he can’t come inside of a girl, he also takes at least 40 minutes to come, and he used to have to watch porn as a supplement to sex… until I told him it bothered me and we stopped doing that.
Not that porn horrifies me, I watch it myself and I understand the excitement from it. But, for me having porn as a must during sex is a huge turn-off, especially when the porn he likes are cum-shots (gross) or anal (not-so-bad). For me, though, these shots are just a turn-off and make me feel insecure and just not in the moment with him.
Anywho, we have sex toys, lots of lube, and I even invested in a Kama Sutra book so we could pick out new fun positions together. But even when we have our weekly sex-capade I feel like he’s only doing it because he knows how bad I want it, and it just feels like he’s going through the motions. I try to make noise to show him how I enjoy it, I ask him how he’s feeling, what he likes, I even try to take pointers from the porn cum-shots he likes so much. But I just come out feeling strangely unfulfilled.
I asked him recently if he wants to have sex with other people, maybe he is just bored of me. He says he misses the chase of a new woman, but he loves me and wants to be with me. I told him I want to be certain that he’s absolutely happy with me… he said he was. But I just feel so wary and insecure. I don’t want him to be with me and yet be unsatisfied with me. I also don’t want to feel like I’m pressuring or guitling him into having sex with me!
I get so depressed sometimes thinking about this, I’ll stand in front of the mirror and wish for big tits like a porn star, etc. Moreover, I am sexually unsatisfied because I have a high sex drive! I masturbate to fill in the gaps of my own yearning that he can’t fulfill, but I still feel so sad. I want to be having sex with my man, not my vibrator and some porn. What can I do to make him want sex again? Am I just seeing warning signs to the end?
— Can’t Usually Get What I Want
What should C.U.G.W.I.W. do?