A New Word for Webster’s: Melon Balling

It’s official! That unspeakable term for the act involving a woman’s boobies and a man’s peen is out — and “melon balling” is in! Arbitrarily and without warning, we closed the polls today on the election of a new word to replace the awful…don’t make us say it (you know, it’s the one with the initials T.F.). It was a close call between “boob job” and “melon balling,” but just like in our last presidential election, the better choice won. (Congratulations and many thanks to Dave W. who recommended the term in response to our first post on the topic.) While the original term had an immature aggression to it,  the new one has a sweet, playful tone — which is always nice when it comes to sexual terms (even terms referencing acts that can be truly raunchy). “Boob job” is fun too, but its more common meaning of breast augmentation would have only resulted in mass confusion. Now that “melon balling” has won, it’s time to wholeheartedly embrace this neologism. Actively use it when requesting or suggesting the act. In fact, try using it in a sentence at least once a day with your friends and family. (Okay, maybe not your family.) We won’t be satisfied until “melon balling” becomes the universally accepted term for the act which needs no further explanation. If Dan Savage could do it for “pegging,” we can all do it for sweet, sweet “melon balling.”


  1. First off, I think your idea of it being a ‘treatment’ may be playing a big role in your distaste of the act. If two people are having sex, it is a two-sided, active process that the woman is taking part in as well as the man. And also, I think there is no general rule about what sort of ‘treatment’ all women like. Some rare women can experience orgasm from heavy nipple stimulation alone, while others detest having their breasts touched, and there are many women who might find it just enjoyable. Chances are, no, a woman’s not going to get an orgasm from melon balling–but she may be super-turned on by experiencing her partners passion so directly. Some women may hate it. Some -men- dislike it. A woman may like it with one man, but not with another….and the variety continues. Every couple is different.

  2. Somehow I was browsing your excellent blog and got drawn in by the title of this post…

    And oh wow! Somehow… this sort of act doesn’t sound appealing at all for me. There are so many other ways I love about making love to a woman. But this isn’t it…

    Tell me something here… do women actually like doing the melon ball treatment?

  3. OH THANK GOD! We talk about this subject alot at our Pleasure Parties in the Bay Area and I hate saying the T.F. word! This is brilliant. I will so use this word ALOT at our parties and on my radio show! Sweet.

  4. NRP offers their quiz winners Carl Kasell’s voice on their home answering machine. But we don’t quite have his gravely timbre, so how about eternal gratitude PLUS a place in history right here!

  5. When I saw the original artical I tried desperately to come up with something cause the term “tittie fuck” is just soooooo unattractive and I couldnt..

    Melon balling will now be making its way into my vocabulary let me tell you! Thanks guys!

  6. Oh, that’s not a close call – mellon-balling was far and away the best one. I love it, and I never even had a problem with the
    “TF” term! I will do my best to spread the word.

  7. We would be inclined to say “last night we melon-balled” (instead of “balled melons”) — it just rolls off the tongue nicely that way. Also, we prefer to think of any sexual act as something couples engage in together, rather than a sex act being something actively DONE TO a passive recipient, so we would say a melon baller is ANYONE who engages in the activity, whether they’ve got melons or balls.

  8. That is a lot better then “titty fuck.” Hilarious, too!

    “Hey baby, wanna ball my melons?”

  9. Thanks to Em and Lo for posting the question and all the readers who chimed in with suggestions. I’m so glad to have a better term for this.

    And a deep doff of the cap to Dave W. for the winning suggestion!

    Dan Savage eat your heart out! …or whatever tickles your fancy.


  10. How would this be used in conversation? Last night we melon-balled? or Last night we balled melons? Could the lexographers (is that a word?) chime in?

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