All posts by Em & Lo

Jimmyjane’s New Iconic Vibes

jimmyjane_usual_suspects_iconicJimmyjane’s “Usual Suspects” line of iconic vibes

As far as good ideas go, this one is right up there with sliced bread and TiVo: 1) Take the best, most popular vibrators that ever existed. 2) Make them out of hygienic, non-porous, phthalate-free material (unlike all their knockoffs). 3) Give the vibes a cool design touch by making them all white. And voila! You’ve got a great sex toy collection (not to mention a great sex toy gimmick). Jimmyjane, who’s always made and sold safe and stylish sex toys (like their Little Chromas), began this “Usual Suspects” line last summer with the Iconic Love Ring, Pocket Rocket and Rabbit (1st, 3rd and 5th toys above). And now they’ve just added three more: the Iconic Bullet, Smoothie and Duckie (2nd, 4th, 6th) — all of which are super affordable for such a high-end brand! If you or someone you love has a subscription to I.D. magazine and uses a Herman Miller chair at work, then this set will make a great indulgent treat.

This post is a part of Sundance Channel’s Naked Love Blog
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Dear Em & Lo: Do My Kinky Fantasies Need Therapy?

bondage_barbiephoto by Dale Gillard

Dear Em & Lo,

I have this really awesome, sensitive, caring, sweet, good-in-bed, blah blah blah boyfriend — I wouldn’t leave him for the world. I also have wild fantasies about being tied up, demeaned, beaten . . . you get the idea. Is this a problem? Maybe fantasies are not supposed to ever come to life? I have asked him to entertain them, just mildly, but his respect for women and his need for soul-defining sex makes bondage and S&M a no-go. Is there something wrong with me? Should I see a therapist or something?

— Gimpy

Dear Gimpy,

There are basically two camps of thought on this: A) Your fantasy life reflects past experiences, obsessions, and/or deep-seated issues — if the fantasies tend toward the dark, disturbing, and/or chronic, that can indicate personal problems which should be dealt with. And B) Fantasies are an outlet for your imagination and sexual tension that don’t automatically reflect past trauma or things you want to do in real life. We tend to side with Camp… (more…)

Books: I Was Drunk When I Wed; Is It Legal?

vegas_weddingphoto by kalin9999

Our friend Robin Epstein and her sister Amy Epstein Feldman just wrote a hilarious (not to mention helpful) book called  So Sue Me, Jackass! Avoiding Legal Pitfalls That Can Come Back to Bite You at Work, at Home, and at Play. Last week we published an excerpt that answered the age-old question, Can you get sued if you break someone’s penis during sex? This week we’ll learn about quickie Vegas marriages (listen up Britney). Stay tuned for more excerpts in the coming weeks.

Q: What if, drunk and in Vegas, my boyfriend and I accidentally say “I do” before we come to our senses and realize we’re doing? Shouldn’t that be counted as “temporary insanity” and therefore not legal?

A: Well, villagers in India shooed a groom away from his own wedding because they determined that he was too drunk to get married. While many Americans may now be wondering where those villagers were on their wedding day, it raises an interesting question: under the law, are you considered incompetent to marry if you are drunk at the time of your vows and if so, is your marriage void?

Ha! Nice try.

While state laws differ, many do prevent people who are visibly intoxicated from getting a marriage license. Once the vows are said, a person may later claim that the marriage was voidable because of incompetence. But in most states the Britney Spears fifty-five-hour marriage of the I got drunk last night and did what, now? variety is not automatically void. You still need a divorce or annulment to end the marriage. If you thought you needed a drink before you said “I do” — imagine what it will take to say “Uh, on second thought . . .” (more…)

Penguins Continue to Wage War on Family Values

penguinsphoto by Paul_Mannix

Guess which book, according to the American Library Association, is the title most often requested to be removed from schools and libraries in the U.S.? Give up? For the third year in a row, it’s And Tango Makes Three, which is a guide to building your own bomb while smoking crack and attending orgies in the evenings. Oh wait, sorry, no: And Tango Makes Three is actually the heartwarming, award-winning, bestselling 2005 children’s book about two male penguins who hatch a baby chick. We’ll say that again: Since its publication in 2005, more people have asked for this book to be removed from a school or library than any other book in the entire Library of Congress. Oh, yeah, and the book is based on the true story of two male penguins called Roy and Silo who hatched an egg together at New York’s Central Park Zoo. Talk about going against nature!

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Comment of the Week: More Penis Empowerment

SP, commenting on “My Boyfriend Has a Small Penis”:

Guys, really, 5″ isn’t a small penis! It’s average; no woman in her right mind would look at you and feel short changed.  I can’t believe more than 1% of all women out there would think 5″ is too small. I had no idea so many of you [guys] feel this much pain about this issue. That was tough to read, especially since I know your dick size doesn’t matter! Don’t believe the hype!

10 Rules of the Pickup

dance_floor_discophoto by ezioman

It’s not easy to be yourself when attempting a pick-up. But the more out-of-character you try to be, the worse it’s going to go. The goal is to get someone to like you for you. That said, certain things should never be said or done during a pick-up, no matter how “naturally” they come to you:

  1. If you send someone a drink, don’t take their acceptance to mean they want to sleep with you, or even talk to you.
  2. Never attempt to pick up your doctor/patient, professor/student (at least while class is in session), boss/underling, Zumba instructor, intimate waxer, or fellow funeral attendee.
  3. Do not wordlessly dry-hump a stranger from behind on the dance floor (ladies, you too).
  4. Talk about more than the weather. Safe topics include: your current location, your neighborhood, some inane law your mayor recently passed, your occupations, their darts skills, Lolcats, HBO, and Twitter etiquette. Avoid: astrology, college majors, exes, reproductive rights legislation, infidelity, and children.
  5. Never request contact information merely to score the most digits that night; the pick-up is not merely a numbers game. Inquire only if truly interested. (more…)
The Virgin Diaries: “Becoming a Woman” Sucked

teacher_studentphoto by krossbow

Our contributor Katherine Chen, who is a sophomore English major at Princeton University (check out her personal site here), is penning a series of confessions for EMandLO.com collectively called “The Virgin Diaries.” Here’s her first installment:

At ten years old, I was an early receiver of Mother Nature’s red-ribbon gift for women. I was wearing light purple bellbottoms that day and catching caterpillars during recess. All of a sudden, I felt something warm rush down between my legs. By the time I reached the nurse’s office, I had a pink bottom like those baboons you see on the Discovery Channel.

Everyone seemed to know what was going on except for me. Girls giggled. Boys pointed and explained to others that I wasn’t a virgin anymore. The nurse, instead of remaining calm and coherent, freaked out and called my mother while handing me a pad. Clueless, I ripped it open and stared at it. Being an intensely disciplined student, I considered it impolite to interrupt the nurse and ask her what I was supposed to do with this big cotton sticker. By the time she hung up the phone, I had stuck it to the arm of a chair and walked to the other end of the room. (more…)

Naked News: Don’t Mess with Texas If You’re Gay

texas_flagphoto by Brian_L_Romig

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Wise Guys: Why Do Men Cat-Call?

woman_walkingphoto by bobster855

Advice from three of our guy friends. This week, they answer the following: Why do men cat-call?

Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Oh boy, where did I just see a link to a TV clip of a woman walking up to men who cat-called her and asked them why?  (You can answer in comments if you’ve got the link.)  Anyway, the men all acted completely embarrassed when put on the spot about it. Which, I think, actually says a lot about why men do it: not because they’re actually interested in the women they cat-call.  Instead (based, I’m embarrassed to say, on my own behavior as a construction worker in my teens and twenties) it’s about a) letting other men you’re with know you’re straight — dumb, I know but there you go — and maybe calling on other men to confirm they’re straight too, b) bonding with other men through “bravery” — even dumber, I know, but again there you go, and c) attempting to compliment women you find attractive but (and this goes back to item B) you’re pretty sure wouldn’t actually be interested in you.

Feminist analysis would probably add other things like keeping women in their places, telling women they’re valued only for their sexiness, etc.  But I think those are only side effects of what’s really mostly male-to-male communication.  Which is why I think men are embarrassed and even shocked when a woman they’ve cat-called tries to start a conversation. Final bit of evidence: at least in my experience, most men don’t (or at least didn’t) cat-call women they think they might actually have a chance of asking out later.

Gay Engaged Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Men cat-call because some atavistic impulse leads us to believe that it might get us sex.  Any time a man cat-calls at you, a part of him he isn’t aware of in any meaningful way is really hoping you’ll immediately stop whatever you’re doing, come over, knock him down, and have your way with him.  It’s like a mating ritual. Please understand that I’m not saying any man thinks this is actually going to happen (though there’s always Dimitri the Lover, so who knows).  This is all happening below the level of consciousness. (more…)

How to Buy a Decent Sex Toy

There are countless toys out there to choose from — unfortunately, not all of them will get you to your happy place effectively, or even safely. The sex toy industry, which is largely unregulated, is littered with manufacturers and distributors who are more interested in quantity than quality. Fortunately that’s changing, as consumers become more educated and demanding. So keep these 7 important rules in mind when shopping for a battery-operated friend:

  1. Say no to novelties. A toy labeled “for novelty use only” means “don’t actually use it on your body!” So unless you’re just shopping for bachelorette party decorations, don’t buy these “gag gifts.”
  2. Avoid toys made of cheap jelly rubber: they often have a strong odor, feel sticky, and are impossible to clean thoroughly (because their pores can harbor bacteria). The odor is caused by an outseeping of gasses from plastic softeners called phthalates, which some studies have shown to be bad for both the environment and your body.
  3. Choose non-porous, phthalate-free materials which can be sterilized, such as high-grade metals like steel and aluminum; seamless acrylic or glass; and, our favorite, 100% silicone – it’s hypoallergenic, boilable (as long as it doesn’t have any electric parts), dishwasher-safe (if your roommates don’t mind), and odorless.
  4. Read the fine print. Try to invest in toys that state what they’re made of, and include care and cleaning instructions. Unfortunately many don’t (usually a bad sign), so ask or email a sales rep for this info.
  5. Be selective about stores. Of course, you want to shop at retailers that actually have an educated sales staff who can answer such questions. These are usually smaller outfits with a kinder, gentler, more inclusive approach to sales (i.e. their marketing materials don’t exclusively feature porn stars), like GoodVibrations.com.
  6. Remember, you get what you pay for. A high price tag doesn’t always guarantee high quality. But anything with a price tag so low that it seems too good to be true, probably is. It’s worth investing a little in your sexual health and satisfaction.
  7. Don’t forget that lubes are toys, too! If you invest in only one bedside accessory this year, then make it a high-quality, man-made, water-based or silicone lubricant! It’s affordable, easy to use, and can improve almost any sexual activity for anyone, male or female. Lube can make things more comfortable for much longer for her, it can help prevent condom breakage, and a few drops on the inside of a condom can also enhance sensation for him.
Dream Interpretation: Kissing Cousins & Mystery Undies

lace_undiesphoto by sflovestory

Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. Each week, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg tells one lucky reader what their dirty dream means. This week, a reader asks Lauri:

I’ve been in a relationship with a great guy for few months, and I’m really happy. Last night, however, I went to bed somewhat annoyed at my boyfriend for being uncharacteristically distracted when I was trying to tell him about the bad day I’d had.

Then I had a dream that I hooked up with my cousin, who in real life is the closest thing I have to a brother. In the dream, things got pretty steamy, and we both knew we had to keep it a secret, so we were hiding. Suddenly, another one of my male cousins (one with whom I’m not close) walked in on us, and caught us in flagrante delicto. Ashamed, I pulled back from my kissing cousin and saw that I was holding two pairs of panties in my hand. I was puzzled by this, as I knew one pair to be the one I’d been wearing, but I had no idea where the other one came from.  What does this all mean? (more…)

Crazy Las Vegas Billboard

sexist_vegas_billboardphoto by EMandLO.com

Sometimes what happens in Vegas simply can’t stay in Vegas. While driving through Sin City this past weekend, Lo saw the crazy-ass billboard above — so crazy-ass that she had to pull the car over and take a picture. The ad is for a night club — not a BDSM club, or the He-Man-Woman-Haters-Club, or a club for would-be date rapists — just a night club (MGM’s Studio 54).  So what’s with the extremely passive woman who looks like she’s been Roofied, about to gag on the disco testicle being pushed into her mouth by the dominant man-hand commanding “Take it all in”? WTF!

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How to Write a Love Letter, by Georgia O’Keeffe

georgia_okeeffeBlue Flower, 1918

We’re not surprised in the slightest to discover that Georgia a-flower-is-never-just-a-flower O’Keeffe was quite the steamy letter writer. Her love letters to the (ahem, married at the time) photographer and modern art promoter Alfred Stieglitz have just been published as part of a new exhibit at the Whitney Museum of American Art. The two married eventually, and Stieglitz cheated on O’Keeffe eventually, too, so we guess karma already did all the judging for us. Which means that we can just read the letters as inspiration — look what happens when you don’t let Hallmark do all the drudge work for you:

From New York

13 June 1918
You will be here in a few minutes I guess but I have to get up and write you – its necessary – I must – I’ve been lying here listening for you in the dark – my face feels so hot Aching for you way down to my finger ends – an actual physical ache –
As I came up the street into the sunset after supper – I wondered – can I stand it – the terrible fineness and beauty of the intensity of you – I do not know – may yet have to run away – it seems almost too much –
And lying here – wanting you with such an all ache – not just wanting – loving – feeling – all the parts of my body touched and kissed – conscious of you
A volcano is nothing to it
No words I know say the hotness – consumingness of it
Still I some way feel I can be quiet when you come can control myself
Feeling it grow though—I seem to feel that the moment will come when I cant control myself when I’ll be blind and mad
The woman you are making seems to have gone far beyond me – Almost out of sight
[via, via]

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Blog Snog (10-02-09)

feet_socks_bedphoto by David_and_Katarina

A weekly roundup of some of our favorite sex- and love-related posts from various blogs and websites: