Comment of the Week: How Important Is Penis Size? Not Much! | 1 Chime in! photo via Unsplash Reader Dave went on an epic rant in response to several posts on penis size, here, here, and here. He had a lot of wise, insightful things to say on the topic, so we took the liberty of editing them together (and throwing in a few more synonyms for “cock,” you know, just to mix things up a bit). Read and learn: The Folly of Penis Size Preferences There is far too much focus on penis size. Clearly over the last 20 years that focus has grown into an obsession. And very seldom are obsessions healthy. To all the women and men who are size queens: do you think your size obsession will help you find a loving, caring and committed partner? Wouldn’t your partner want to be valued for others reasons besides body parts. And have you ever stopped to think that your size requirements might actually sabotage your relationship? To all the size queens out there, I’m sure the man you’re with knows you like big cocks, and let’s suppose your current guy has 8 inches. It won’t be long until he starts to wonder, “I’ll bet she’d love to meet a guy with 10 inches! I bet 10 inches would be able to excite her more than my 8 inches. And if you are a size queen, damn right you want 10 inches! In fact, you’ll always want more than what you’ve currently got. There is a VERY big difference between enjoying the size your partner has (and complimenting him on it) and making his size a requirement. When size becomes the major factor in choosing a partner I have a very strong feeling that while the sex might have you feeling full, the relationship is likely to leave you feeling very empty. Size Is Relative I often wonder if many women see “big” differently than men do? I think most of us guys would say anything over 8 inches is getting into “big” territory. But I think many women might see it differently. Case in point: I was on a first date with a woman. Had a great connection during the evening, lot’s of laughs, lot’s of connection, just felt completely comfortable. Somehow the talk turned to penis size. She said something about liking a big cock. I replied, “Well sorry, I’m just averaged sized.” She replied, “Well that’s disappointing.” I said, “Really? There are lot’s of different ways to enjoy sex . . . ” Long story short: We had sex a few dates later. I obviously remembered her “big cock” comment and wondered how she would react. She was going down on me, held it straight up, and “Your cock is huge! Look at it!” I thought to myself, “Well I’m glad you think my 6 inches is huge but it isn’t really.” It was at that moment I realized men and women probably see the world of peen a bit differently. Now obviously there are size queens who know what’s huge and what isn’t, but I think the average woman isn’t that good at knowing. The Problem with Porn Please note: this woman was in her 50s. She’d had a fair number of partners in her life so she’s seen lot’s of cock. But I think the problem with younger women is, they’ve seen modern porn where all the men are huge! They’ve probably developed a very warped view of what men should be packing in order to satisfy a woman. I’ve been watching porn since I was a teen. Well not truly “watching” it, because back in the 70’s there were no video tapes, etc. But I’d look at Playboy, Penthouse, etc. I saw my first 8mm dirty movie when I was 17 or so. Truly, that old porn was pretty tame compared to what is out there today. Google stats about internet porn and you will see the stuff is virtually like crack cocaine to young minds. Young men are developing ED from all their porn watching; women, too, are becoming sexually dysfunctional. I never thought I would hear myself saying this BUT people really need to stop watching porn, or at the very least limiting themselves to once a month. The Self-Defeating Trap of Penis Size Obsession We humans have a very bad habit of seeking ways to make ourselves feel bad about ourselves. You can have a man who has a wonderful sex life with his wife, no problem pleasuring her, with reassurances from her about his own prowess. But in his self-loathing quest to know “the truth,” he keeps digging and digging about her thoughts on his size, not stopping until he wears her down, she finally admits the truth, and he finally feels extremely hurt, jealous and inadequate. And honestly, what was the real truth? The real truth was she had once been fucked by a man with a slightly bigger cock and she enjoyed it. Well, many women have enjoyed being fucked before, regardless of the size of the penis. But of course since, in this case, the man was bigger, her only reason for enjoying it must be because he was bigger. Size becomes the entire focus — and, of course, it’s something he just can’t give her. So he can now enjoy wallowing in his self pity over this perceived inadequacy, haunted for the rest of his life by the thought of his wife orgasming from another man’s huge penis! What is it about our human nature that makes us seek out ways to reduce our self worth? There’s More to Life & Love Than Penis Size My first wife and I enjoyed an amazing sex life. My penis is 6 inches (a high average). She never had a problem with it. After having given birth to our two kids, she was “bigger” down there and I actually loved it! Apologies if the following is too graphic, but I’m being honest in an attempt to show that there are a great many ways to sexually please someone: We got into using big toys and I mean BIG — far bigger than any cock you’re every going to find in real life. I also started fisting my wife and trust me, my fist and wrist are thicker than penis you’re going to find in real life. The use of my fist and fingers would have her squirting like a fountain! Did she enjoy it? Hell yes she did! But she also still enjoyed my 6 inches. The true enjoyment came from our connection during sex and exploring what excited both of us. There are so many dimensions to human sexuality and it’s far more than just a large penis being thrust inside of you. I think most women would gladly want a “smaller” man who is a great guy, funny, treats her well, loves her AND will to do whatever it takes to get her off! One day you’ll learn. At age 58, I’m still learning how complex human relationships are. Trust me, it’s a great deal more than tab A inserted in slot B. Make yourself feel better — read our Special Penis Issue (just don’t read the comments) Advice, Comments, Confessions, Penis Size, Penises, Personal Essay, Porn SHARE THIS | 1 Chime in! MORE LIKE THIS My New Boyfriend Has a Small Penis…At Least, It’s Small to Me If He Asks About Size, Can I Tell Him the Truth? Dear Dr. Kate: Is My BF Too Big for Intercourse? Ladies Only Poll: Does Size Matter?