Dear Em & Lo: My Boyfriend Always Chooses Masturbation Over Me

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Dear Em & Lo,

I have been dating my man for over 6 years. For the past 4 yrs, our intercourse has gone from 2x/wk to once every 2 months. He explained to me it’s because he’s tired, he wants to keep it ‘tight,’ I’m coming on 2 strong or that he’s just not in the mood. I’ve honestly tried everything: massages, constant BJs, initiating sex, toys, dress up, talking, etc. I clean the house, prepare 3 meals, never complain, ask for miminal help, pay for 2/3 expenses and still find time to want to please him every way I can.

Yet, he still prefers masturbation over sex with me and I’ve caught him cheating on me with a hooker when I was 5 wks preg with his child. He claims he loves me, I feel like he does, but I am really confused as to why I feel like he’s using me for everything but sex unless it’s the last resort for something ‘new’ (I say new b/c that’s how it feels since he can go months without sex with me).

I don’t think I am unattractive and I can confess I have a great body after childbirth, but I feel like I am ready to cheat on his ass if he doesn’t put out. We’ve already talked out this but he hasn’t budged from his position and still we don’t have sex often. He masturbates in the bathroom every night and yet I am here looking good and ready 2 go.

Should I be concerned about him preferring masturbating even when I can play along however he chooses? Should I go ahead and find my satisfaction elsewhere cuz I’m starting to feel like I don’t give a flying fuck anymore even tho that’s just pussy talking horny.

I feel at a loss even more b/c we’re supposed 2 be married soon but I don’t want 2 marry some1 who has sex with me once a fucken month IF I AM LUCKY. We are like best friends, I don’t get why he won’t just fuck me crazy. Goodness.

— Girlfriend of the Year

Dear Girlfriend of the Year,

You’re confused?! WE are confused. We are confused how you could possibly be confused by this situation. We’re confused that you would even ask us if you should be “concerned.”

If this man is like a best friend to you, then we hate to imagine how your enemies treat you. And if you honestly believe that this is how a man in love acts, then we think you need to raise your standards a little.

You’ve tried everything. You’ve tried more than everything. You’ve given him more chances than any man deserves, you’ve made dinner, and you’ve made your case clear. There’s only one thing left to do: Get the hell out of dodge!

We know it’s complicated when you share a child with someone, but that’s no excuse to get yourself in even deeper with such an asshole. Do you really think your child deserves to grow up in a house with a father who cheated on you with a prostitute while you were pregnant? That right there should have been game over.

Trust us, it’s not “horny pussy” talking, it’s your entire body that is screaming, ENOUGH ALREADY.

Please, for the love of all that is good in this world — for the love of your child, if nothing else — do not cheat on him. Do not stoop to his level. Do not double-down on this shitty situation. Just. Get. Out.

On your side,

Em & Lo



  1. You found the keyboard, you found the need to ask – now find the door. You don’t need a key, he has left it unlocked – now go …

  2. I have no idea what your partner is thinking. Your relationship sounds profoundly dysfunctional. As a divorced man, staying with him will mean that you are going to spend a lot more energy dealing with an unwinnable situation that could be going towards your child. I strongly suspect that you will be able to be a better mother and a better role model by not putting up with this. And I also agree with talking with a lawyer. I certainly wouldn’t marry someone like this.

  3. Dear Girlfriend of the Year,
    You need to talk to your lawyer. Your boyfriend is an asshole. It’s not a relationship. He is using you, like “free of charge” servant.
    Oh my God… please, don’t spend your precious life with such bad person. Your child and you deserve more.

    1. She’s basically a sugar mommy.
      I don’t care how ugly she is and how hot he is, hot ain’t that important when it comes to money and dishes.
      Hiring a prostitute is cheaper. than this guy.

  4. Listen to the ladies. Also, talk to a lawyer to make sure his supporting his (and yours) child.

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