Hello Em & Lo,
I’ve been in a relationship for 4 months and things are getting pretty serious: we spend almost every weekend together. But during the week we only talk to each other a maximum of 30 to 45 minutes every night right before we go to bed. Should I be concerned? I’m really irritated that he doesn’t find the time to call me during the day. Is it me? Am I overreacting?
Call Me
Dear CM,
You’re overreacting. It’s totally you. We thought you were going to say you only talk to each other a maximum of 30 to 40 seconds once each week. Thirty minutes every day is a lot of phone time, especially for someone who might not be a phone person (and many guys aren’t). Man, there are couples who live together who don’t talk that much. If your relationship is otherwise good, don’t be such a nitpicker — appreciate all the good things, including the three and a half hours of intimate quality phone time you’re getting with him each week. And if you really want to talk to him more during the day, pick up the phone and call him yourself. But then don’t be surprised if you’re reading this site a few weeks from now and you see us answering an advice question from a dude whose girlfriend won’t stop bugging him at work.
Thanks for calling!
Em & Lo
To ask us your own advice question, click here.
well, my BF and I do talk up to an hour every night and he calls me in the morning before he goes to work and during the day on his lunch time….he’s really sweet…we’ve been together now for a little over four months but it feels like we’ve been together for a long time…and yes we live apart from each other, I in the mid-west and he in the westcoast……we see each other every month….
so not every guy doesn’t like to talk on the phone..my BF definetly enjoys my company as i do his……i care about him a lot he’s the BEST and i don’t know what that girl is complaining about…..
Used to be me. Relax…its all good. I enjoy my time away from him and when I do communicate on the phone with him I make the most of it.
Sorry but what the heck can you talk about for 30-45 minutes EVERY night on the phone? LOL maybe Its because I’m a guy but I can’t see that happening. If I really needed to talk to someone for that long about something I would suggest we meet up and do something together. Talking on the phone to me is for just keeping basis, relaying some information, or arranging a time to get together. I would never just sit on the phone for small talk. You know that costs money right? Why on earth are you willing to pay someone to do something that you can do for free??
I’ve recently started seeing a guy and he and I don’t talk that much. He works 24 on, 48 off at the Fire Dept (and sometimes gets stuck for multiple shifts and that 24 hours just turned into 72 on) and I work 8-hour rotating shifts at the Police Dept and there simply isnt anyway for us to have a convo every night. When we talk, we could talk any where from 10 minutes to 2 hours, but I cherish that phone time because we don’t get to see or talk to one another on a daily basis. This girl sounds very immature.
I have to agree with the majority of the other commentors. . . before we moved in together we spent a year of seeing each other a couple nights a week and talking for about 10 minutes on the other nights. We would text here and there through the day, but I was lucky to get 45 minutes of phone time a week. It gave us more to talk about when we were together And I really didn’t need to talk to him that much. . .because I wasn’t needy. I really think that’s why it’s lasted as long as it has.
I can count on both my hands the number of times my boyfriend and I called each other during the first 3 years we were together. Neither of us are phone people so texting and email did the trick. Just the thought of being on the phone with someone for 30-45 minutes a day seems exhausting to me.
My boyfriend and I have been together almost a year, are long distance, and see each other maybe once a month, usually less. I would give anything to be able to talk to him 30-45 mins a night! We talk 10 mins MAX a day, usually less than 5! Personally, I’m pretty jealous, 45 a night? Wow.
Also, guys do have lives. I’m just saying, my boyfriend and I hardly talk because he’s busy and has school and I know he needs his sleep so I’m ok with only being able to talk for a couple minutes a night. Basically, it’s pretty selfish to complain, especially when you’re not making an effort. Give the boy a break.
First off men don’t like to talk on the phone, they like IMing or texting. Long phone conversations are a girl thing. Now when my boyfriend and i were seperated for school breaks and a month and a half inbetween graduation and finding and apartment it was a terrible time for me. We had been living together for 2 years, but then we had to go to our homes. I wanted to talk on the phone but it was easier to IM. When I did talk to him we didn’t have much to say because we were always talking through IM’s. So with that said if your talking through out the day a long phone conversation, anything over 5 minutes, is overkill. There is nothing like hearing your love’s voice to say goodnight, but a 40 min conversation is too long for most guys and women too. There is nothing to worry about other than your own insecurity.
My boyfriend of four months and I just broke up. I was lucky if I got a text message every other day!!! I would have LOVED a phone call every night before I went to bed,
I’d happily trade places!!!!
I agree Isis… I am not a phone person. I mean, every once in awhile my guy will call and talk to me for awhile because one or the other of us just need to talk for some reason, we might just talk for awhile. In person or IM please! But, then again, my guy does contact me quite a bit during the day – through text and such. I would probably get a little worried if that randomly stopped, but only because that has been the norm for our relationship. If he hadn’t done that to begin with, I really wouldn’t have even thought about it. Maybe she is really young, or hasn’t had very many relationships?
Boy, do I feel lucky. My boyfriend and I talk for hours on Skype after he gets home from work and we often fall asleep on the mic together.
Thirty to forty-five minutes every night? I’d complain that he’s keeping me on the phone too long. (I don’t like talking on the phone, and I’m a talkative woman.)
God I wish my bf would call and talk to me for half an hour a night. When I was really stressed out, away from home for 10 days for a school seminar where I had to show my work in public, he only talked to me on the phone for about 5-10 min max in the evening. And he calls me RARELY on the phone when I’m at home. Granted, we chat in IM frequently, but he hates the phone. This woman is very lucky!
No relationship this girl’s in can survive until she takes care of her neediness/attention seeking behavior.
I don’t dole out this diagnosis lightly sister, but here it is: you’re nuts. Go see a shrink.
dear god. while my ex and i were doing the long-distance thing, i was lucky to talk to him for twenty minutes a week. granted, mine wasn’t a very happy relationship, but this girl is RIDICULOUS. half an hour every night? all of us should be so lucky!