Hello Em & Lo,
I’ve been in a relationship for 4 months and things are getting pretty serious: we spend almost every weekend together. But during the week we only talk to each other a maximum of 30 to 45 minutes every night right before we go to bed. Should I be concerned? I’m really irritated that he doesn’t find the time to call me during the day. Is it me? Am I overreacting?
Call Me
Dear CM,
You’re overreacting. It’s totally you. We thought you were going to say you only talk to each other a maximum of 30 to 40 seconds once each week. Thirty minutes every day is a lot of phone time, especially for someone who might not be a phone person (and many guys aren’t). Man, there are couples who live together who don’t talk that much. If your relationship is otherwise good, don’t be such a nitpicker — appreciate all the good things, including the three and a half hours of intimate quality phone time you’re getting with him each week. And if you really want to talk to him more during the day, pick up the phone and call him yourself. But then don’t be surprised if you’re reading this site a few weeks from now and you see us answering an advice question from a dude whose girlfriend won’t stop bugging him at work.
Thanks for calling!
Em & Lo
To ask us your own advice question, click here.
My bf calls me about 3 times a day and I was complaining that he wasn’t calling me enought. After reading these comments, I realize that I am a needy and a lucky person that he even calls me. Well I will not be complainting anymore about how often he calls me. Now I need to work on me being so needy. Thanks for answering that young lady comments, you have helped me out.
oh my god.
i would like to thank every person who commented on this individually. i have been having really hard time the past week with my boyfriend not talking to me so much (we have talked like 3 times total in the past week) and reading all of this made me realize that every relationship is different and in general guys don’t like calling or making much of an effort but that’s just them. my boyfriend is a great guy and when we do talk he is completely himself and i know he cares about me. i feel a lot better knowing that it’s not just him. boys will be boys and when you love him you deal with him.
Lucky girl! My boyfriend and I used to talk everyday when were first started dating. Then we went to once a week when he was in training for the army…and then maybe once every 2 days …but we would talk online every once in a while. Now I am lucky to hear from him once a week. He never comes online anymore, he is too busy and tired from work. He doesn’t like texting and long conversations. We’re in a long distance relationship…I have to talk to him about calling me more often…
Girl, you don’t know how good you have it…if you don’t appreciate it, he will leave you for being too clingy. Count your blessings, hun!
My boyfriend left for college and this whole long distance thing isn’t working very well..he usally never makes the inciative to call or even text me he usally only does when I don’t talk to him for awhile…its weird cause he’s always been like this even when he was in la with me…he tells me he loves and cares for me and never wants to loose me and things seem good when were together but when were not I fall apart..it really upsets me that we don’t talk more and I’m fed up with making the effort..I’m jealous you girls get even to talk to ur bf every day…I don’t know what to do anymore..and I know he’s not cheating so that can’t b the reason..what do u think it is?help
Man, I wish myyy boyyfriendd called me that much! We neverr talk on the phone; alwayss text. But occasionalyy, if we haven’t seen each other in awhile, he’ll call me just to hear my voice. And when we ever do that, it’s only for about 20 minutess which is plentyy for uss. Wow, this chick should be happy they even talk.
Wow, everyone that said they were in long distance relationships and only talking for about 10 minutes, I feel bad for you. My long distance boyfriend and I talk on the phone for about a half hour every night, sometimes I wish it was more but he’s always tired. I think if your boyfriend cares about you he would want to see how your day went and such.
To all the people saying that they live with their boyfriends and barely talk to them: you LIVE with them. You see them basically every day. You have no room to talk.
It’s easy to become spoiled in the beginning as you have. The main thing to remember is that if he is into you, he will always be there no matter the length of time you talk or don’t talk. Establish a line of trust and deal with that. If he is mature or has any sense of integrity, you have something to build on. Work on growing together ironing out the bumps as you hit them. As I see it, calling you every day is minor; what will you do when something major occurs? Make the most of the times you do talk and be at peace.
I WISH I HAD A BF THAT WO
ULD TALK TO ME SO LONG. I HAVE ONE DOESN’T CALL FOR DAYS AND EVENTUALLY WHEN HE DOES IT’S JUST FOR 5 MINS OR LESS. WHAT A RELATIONSHIP, SOMETIMES I CAN’T DEFINE IT
He should call when he says he will/She should call when she says she will. Actually doing what one says builds geniune trust, without it you have no relationship!!!!!!!!
Sister you need to wake up, me and my guy stays together and see each other and I’ll be lucky if he says hello when he comes in the house. We rarely talk about anything let alone talk on the phone.
I’m in a long-distance relationship and my BF and I talk everyday on the phone. It can be anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour or more. Sometimes he calls me from work during the day. Sometimes I call him. It really goes both ways. Maybe you should call your BF during the day if you’re thinking of him. Don’t always wait for him to call you. Maybe he doesn’t know you’d like to hear from him more often. Also, what is it you’re doing during the day? School? Work? Nothing? The busier you keep yourself the less you’ll be thinking about how much he’s not calling you. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it if you give him some space. Hang in there.
Hello 🙂
I have been with my boyfriend for 9 months and our relationship is long distance. we try to see eachother every weekend and most of the time that is the case but sometimes can be every other weekend depending on our schedules. We are guaranteed to talk on the phone before we go to bed for an hour or so and on msn messenger every evening and maybe get a phone call from him during the day while hes at work. I believe that if ur relationship is long distance. it is important you mantain the communication through phone, texting or internet chatting..
You have nothing to worrk about 🙂 x x x
you’re doin fine girl. my boyfriend and i aren’t in the same city at the moment, we talk pretty much everyday but i don’t think i’d worry too much if we talked even a little less than that. if you’re talking to him everyday, even for just a little while, you’re doin great. want to entice him into more phone time? phone sex, baby! can be weird and awkward at first for a couple but once you figure out how to talk to each other, it can be great (and when you get really good at it, it can be surprisingly fulfilling!).
30 mins ? me and my boyfriend have lived together for 2 yrs and we talk a total of 10 mins a day — a few texts thruout the day added to that but thats about it and we are happy and totally fine. I would talk more on the phone but he just isnt a phone guy. Im not worried about it. My friends talk to their guys about the same time. no biggy. You are totally over reacting and you must be a very needy person. Relax.
I agree that most men aren’t phone people but come on some of these long distance relationship comments are crazy. If you’re already long distance why would you still not talk on the phone. You don’t see each other you need to talk on the phone more than ten minutes. sometimes texting is too impersonal, you don’t get the same emotion over text and IM’s. My BF and i have been together a little over a year and we talk all the time on the phone. Some times for hours and we live in the same city. He even calls me while he’s at work, its part of having a healthy relationship if you ask me. Especially if you don’t see each other daily. He wasn’t necessarily a phone person before me. He says he just has to be on the phone with someone worth talking to.