Dear Em & Lo: On Average, How Often Do BJs Occur in Relationships?

photo by Public Domain Photos

Dear Em & Lo,

What is the average number of BJ’s a guy in a relationship receives? (FYI: I’m a straight guy.)

— Joe Blow

Dear Joe,

The actual average, even the more accurate median number (if they were somehow knowable, which they’re not) would be totally misleading, because the amount varies so incredibly wildly from relationship to relationship.

There are some people who really hate performing fellatio, who find it so distasteful or gag-inducing they’d rather gnaw on a dirty garden hose than go down. There are even guys who don’t like receiving BJs (it’s true!). Then there are the gals (and guys) who are soooooo into giving them and the guys who are sooooo into receiving them that it borders on a fetishization of the act. And of course, people fall everywhere along the spectrum between these two love-it/hate-it extremes.

And so the fellatio preferences of people in relationships rarely line up exactly — it’s practically mathematically impossible! Person A thinks it’s downright nymphomaniacal that person BJ seems to want one a few times a month while person BJ can’t understand why person A isn’t loving his unit every day like it was a creamcicle in August…in Yuma, AZ…during a severe drought.

Enter: communication, negotiation and compromise. In a committed, loving relationship, both parties should be able to discuss their differing sexual preferences and try to come up with a solution that satisfies both parties. Sometimes this just isn’t possible: one guy might need BJs to feel sexually attractive, virile and fully sated, while giving them makes his partner feel degraded, uncomfortable and nauseated — not exactly a match made in heaven. And if neither person is willing to budge without feeling some lingering resentment, then it’s probably a deal breaker.

But that’s an extreme case. BJs — or, for that matter, cunnilingus, doggy, anal, bondage, etc — they’re each just one sex act out of many. Try focusing on the things you both really enjoy. And maybe you could negotiate the occasional BJ on birthdays, holidays, and Leap Years. Hey, absence might make the dick grow fonder!

Em & Lo



  1. I give my fiancé an average of two BJs a day! More if we have time. Usually when we awake and before bed at night, to add to the rest of our varied and shared intimacy. I love him, worship him and can’t get enough of him! And it makes him feel very loved and wanted.
    I have never been this way in the past and was repulsed by the idea before meeting my fiancé. I think that truly amazing BJs require love, trust and deep intimacy.

  2. I’m a late-middle age guy with ED that doesn’t respond to ANY of the drugs (or the shots or suppositories). Consequently, reciprocated oral is pretty much the only way to have any sex at all. Even at my age celibacy sucks! (pun intended)

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