Do It Tonight! Designate a Dialer

drinks_phonephoto by jlcwalker

Are you trying to get over your ex? Or are you trying to gain “hand” in a booty or dating situation? Or do you simply have no shame? If any or all of the above apply, then you need to designate a dialer before heading out on the town. A designated dialer is a friend who agrees to monitor your cellphone usage and watch for you waxing nostalgic with that misty look in your eyes, which usually precipitates a drunken-dial. This friend has your prior, sober permission to confiscate any mobile calling or texting devices, should he or she find your judgment to be seriously impaired. If you’re a truly needy case, then you might want to consider asking this friend to go above and beyond the call of duty and walk you home, in order to prevent a booty drive-by i.e. ringing someone’s doorbell and slurring, “So I jussss happened to be in the neighborhood…”


  1. if you delete the number, it doesn’t mean they won’t call or txt again, it just means you will be confused as to who it is. unless, of course, you know their number, and then it’s just completely pointless.

  2. First thing I did after my last breakup was deleting the exe’s number from my cellphone. Why don’t people do that? Too simple?

  3. Boy oh boy, haven’t we all had this problem at some point or another.

    When my last ex and I split up and I went out, I would lock my phone in the glove compartment of my car, hoping that I would not be able to fumble my way in there later, should there be that nagging yearning.

    I have woke up the next day where the first thing I did was check my phone, my sent email, his myspace, and everywhere I could think of, just to make sure I hadn’t been engaging in any drunk communication sending of any sort, and forgotten about it.

    Too funny.

  4. well..in my own experience.
    i cant easily cope with my ex..

    during the days that i know longer think him,,,
    then suddenly..

    hes just text me and said he miss me?
    what a jerk right…

    i learned to ignopred even if it really hurts.

  5. My friend just celebrated her birthday the other night and had her cell phone monitored by a series of friends through the evening. And midway through the evening the dreaded ex did text her, but thankfully she was unable to respond.

  6. I really, really wish you had written this post two days ago. My weekend would have turned out a wee bit differently…

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