Help: My Inability to Orgasm Is Ruining My Relationship

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Dear Em & Lo,

I’ve been dating my current boyfriend for a few months now but he’s becoming frustrated that he can’t bring me to orgasm. For a little background information, it has never been easy for me to reach orgasm especially with another person. I have somewhat successfully mastered being able to reach orgasm with a vibrator. But never through manual stimulation and only a handful of times during oral sex.

My boyfriend isn’t doing anything wrong, is the problem. It feels absolutely euphoric and I get right on the edge of climaxing, but then it just doesn’t happen. My boyfriend blames my vibrators and feels insecure that I can orgasm with them but not with him. He feels like he’s failing in the sex department when it’s completely opposite.

I love having sex with him and we go at it like animals. But this orgasm frustration is really starting to interfere. Tonight he suggested breaking up because he feels like he’s not fulfilling my sexual needs, and it’s killing our relationship. We usually have so much fun together, and I love being with him. I don’t want to see us break up over this. Help!

— On the Edge

What should On the Edge do? Leave your suggestions in the Comments section below.



  1. Most comments are done by insecure women with big pusses. Vibrator will loosen up “his” your pussy. Why would he be with you craming a fake plastic dick up there? Girl who doesn’t use it is tighter and has more to rely on. Your vagina will suffer so will your relationship plus the part that makes guys like you will be loose. How would you feel if your man was huddled over a plastic pussy pounding it? Both stick to fucking each other. Hope your loose pussy does better. I know it will when you kick the fake dick to the curb and stop being a feminist whore who follows the media. Dildoe strechs and makes it harder to reach a real orgasm. He can get that with a nice tight girl that’s not streching out her goods. Sources girls being honest and banging a bunch of different vaginas.

    1. You obviously suck in bed as well!!! Your comment makes it beyond known, how pathetic!!! I’d say you’re one insecure “man” or shall I say boy, seeing as your bedroom skills are clearly that of a boy!!

  2. First off, you’ve got a guy that gives a crap if you orgasm or not, that should kinda be a bit of a win.

    My wife has never been able to orgasm without massive amounts of help. Whether it be finger tips, tongue, or random devices. In our 18 years of sex together it’s never happened. It’s never been even close without stimulation from other means. We must do something right because 18 years in we still have sex nightly, sometimes it’s pretty basic, other nights it’s an hour long affair.

    i’ll admit, when we first met it was annoying as hell. I am not some monster in bed either but I was able to do it at least half of the time if my previous partners weren’t lying to me.

    I also got over it.

    The biggest issue to me would be if you’re saying it bothers you to him, then yeah that’s why he’s reacting like that. If you’re saying it’s not a big deal, you enjoy it anyway, etc and he’s still being weird about it, well…dunno. I admit to being ‘weird’ about it and asking a lot about it at first, it didn’t ‘go away’ either. we guys like to conquer things and your favorite person in the world not being able to orgasm without extensive work is like being challenged. We tend to say ‘challenge accepted’ and get pissed off when we can’t make the challenge.

    It only gets better with communication. you have to talk to him about it, if he can’t get over it though and move on, then… don’t know. For me bringing extra things into the bedroom wasn’t a big deal, and i finally ‘won’, repeatedly. I had to learn what works.

    To be honest though it’s not a nightly ‘win’ like it used to be because when you have four kids you tend to be in a hurry sometimes when trying to sneak in a quick one before you pass out at night and before a two year old comes running into your room at 1AM.

  3. Wow. That’s some pretty harsh criticism. I think that the fact that your as interested as you say in the sex, and that he brings you to the brink of orgasm is pretty freakin hot. Let him know that. In my experiences, women orgasm in different ways. Not everyone has a screaming, spasmodic orgasm. Don’t get me wrong, those are great, but you say you guys go at like animals. And, that’s amazing. Remember, guys are an immature, insecure species. I’m in my early fifties, and it took me a long time to understand the intricacies of women. I start by knowing how beautiful and complex they are. I love making my wife feel good. I would do anything she asked. If he’s really into you, he will do anything you ask. Anything.

    1. Finally!! You are a real man with actual sound, sane, and logical advise, making it clear, you know how to and want to please your partner!! You’re obviously good in bed!!!

  4. Ooh, Inness is such a “tuff guy”. Let this man go, he deserves a woman that can orgasm with him. There are plenty out there that can.

  5. DTMFA. This guy is shaming you and the way your body works. He’s not threatening to break up with you for SELFLESS reasons, and certainly not because you’re broken in any way. He’s making this threat because he’s an insecure asshole. You should tell him that the absolute WORST way to get someone to orgasm is to stress them out about it, then go find someone whose ultimate goal in bed is to have fun with you and to make you both happy, not to make you orgasm the way that makes him feel most like a man. Again, dump the motherfucker already. Or at least give him a very stern talking to.

    1. Inness, shut up! Its a understanderble situation for a man to concur the woman, and its a thing thats makes the relationship even.
      It will over time kill the relationship if its only the man who is orgasming!
      Having fun with sex is good, and so is feeling good about it. But just ask the woman if she likes when you are climaxing….and ask hos she would feel if you didnt orgasm!??

      1. Siri, is that you?

        “I have searched the web for man to concur the woman and here’s what I’ve found.”

Comments are closed.