How to Have “Artisanal Sex” (No Farmer’s Market Required)

by Christine Schoenwald for YourTango

Dr Ruth has created a new kind of sex called Artisanal Sex, which she seems pretty excited about on Twitter. We’re into it (unlike her recent unfortunate comments about date rape). At 87 years old, Dr. Ruth Wertheimer has a lot going on. Actually, she has a lot going on for any age, including a new book The Doctor Is In: Dr. Ruth on Love, Life, and Joie de Vivre.

Her first tweet reads, “Know what artisanal sex is? It’s when you make up the moves rather than copy what you’ve seen in a porn video.” She followed it with another: “Great thing about artisanal sex is that you don’t have to have a perfect body, but you do have to put in some mental effort.”

Unfortunately, she hasn’t fully explained what she means by artisanal sex.

When the word artisanal is used these days, it’s usually referring to an artisanal food movement — food based in craft, community, tradition, and creativity.

Let’s take the principals associated with artisanal foods, see if they apply to sex, and maybe we can figure out what Dr. Ruth means when she tweets, “Artisanal sex can’t be rushed. Savor the moment, even the smells.”

1. Commitment. Artisanal food means a commitment to the community, and a farm-to-table approach to food.

Dr. Ruth tweeted, “If you visit any garage sales this weekend, think artisanal sex. Like getting a little stool to make sex on the kitchen counter easier.”

She’s encouraging supporting your neighbors by buying your sex furniture at their yard sales. Instead of farm-to-table, it’s a stool to counter correlation.

2. Flexibility and creativity. The better shape you’re in and the more flexible you are, the more enjoyable your sex will be. Also, who are the best lovers? The creative people.

Dr. Ruth’s take on the flexibility: “For Hump Day artisanal sex, I suggest doing it in the middle of the floor.”

3. Transparency and education. Artisanal food people want you to see how they craft their cheese or harvest their honey. They aren’t hiding the flavors of their foods with chemicals and preservatives. The more open and honest you are with what you want from your partner, the better the sex.

4. Innovation in moderation. Artisan food people prefer that their products be hand-crafted and hand-packed. Artisanal sex seems to also advocate a hands-on approach to sex where all the senses are engaged.

Dr. Ruth tweeted, “Artisanal sex could certainly include a massage with an unexpected oily substance like coconut oil or lard or even tomato sauce if you like.

5. Integration. A food artisan is someone who’s wholly integrated with their project. The sex artisan is fully focused on their partner and their pleasure.

Artisanal anything, whether it’s food or sex, involves collaboration, showing off the craft, and being open to new ideas and old ways.

Next time you’re at your local farmer’s market buying some artisanal jams and jellies, buy an extra jar. You never know what hand-crafted sex positions you might be able to use it for.

More content from YourTango:

This article originally appeared on YourTango