Given how much pleasure can be found in the prostate, it’s amazing how many straight men still can’t bring themselves to try anal play. Some men worry that enjoying a little prostate massage will turn them gay, or at least girly. Others think it’s too dirty, both literally and figuratively. Still others are afraid it’ll hurt. And then there are those men who worry they’ll enjoy it a little too much!
Because of all this, the taboo has lingered well into the twenty-first century. Of course, this taboo may be part of what makes anal play so fun. But that’s not reason enough for us to let these old-school misunderstandings hang around. For the record: Enjoying anal play is as likely to turn you gay as watching Brokeback Mountain. Nerve endings aren’t gay or straight — they’re just there to make things feel good (or bad, if you do it wrong…more on that below). And if you think that being penetrated with a finger or toy is feminine, then you’re sexist. Sex is all about context, which is why almost no women get turned on by tampon insertion — and why almost no men get turned on by a doctor’s prostate examination.
So how can a guy enjoy a little prostate attention? The key is to be more prepared than a Boy Scout — you need to know your anatomy, you need to know the right tools to use, and you need to know how to use them. When you get prostate stimulation just right, your guy may well experience an orgasm that goes up to eleven — in fact, one study found that the male orgasm is 33% bigger when the prostate is stimulated. Ready to try? Here are, yes, eleven steps to get him there:
1. Tell Him How Much It Turns You On
Tell your guy how hot it is when he gets turned on, and tell him you’d find it so sexy to explore his ass together. It’s a nice touch to compliment his ass, while you’re at it. You could even tell him this is your ultimate fantasy, and that it would bring you guys closer together to explore this taboo together, for him to trust you in this way. For guys who are worried about what it “means” to enjoy anal play — hint: it simply means you enjoy anal play! — this might be a way to ease into the experiment. He can tell himself, “It’s not that I want to do this — I’m doing it for her.” Or if he finds comfort in numbers, then tell him that a study found that 71% of men in a relationship said they would consider a prostate massager. That all said, we’re pretty sure that after the first explosive orgasm, he won’t need these excuses any more.
2. Know How to Find the Prostate
The P-spot, also sometimes known as the male G-spot — although we think it deserves its own name, don’t you? — is the area of the prostate gland that can be felt and stimulated through the top, belly-side wall of the rectum by inserting a finger, fingers, penis, or anal sex toy a few inches inside and pressing toward the navel or the back of the pubic bone. More indirect stimulation of the gland can also be achieved by pressing up on the perineum. In fact, the Hugo (pictured just above) and Bruno prostate massagers by LELO both feature a second motor in the base to stimulate the perineum.
3. Shower Together First
This is a sexy way to allay your partner’s fears about hygiene and cleanliness. Hint: You might want to get out of the shower a few minutes before he does, to allow your guy a couple of minutes of privacy to stick a soapy finger where the sun don’t shine. A side note to men: Be sure to rinse thoroughly afterward, because soap residue can be a little irritating back there.
4. Don’t Forget the Foreplay (Or the Penis)
Treat him to lots of foreplay — you can’t simply whip out a new anal vibrator, have him bend over, insert it, and then expect him to explode in orgasm. The more turned on he is, the more likely he is to enjoy this new experience. During foreplay, you can tease him by trailing a finger between his ass cheeks, or pressing on the surface of his asshole with a well-lubed pinkie finger.
Also, while many men report being able to achieve orgasm through prostate stimulation alone, there’s no need to put this pressure on your guy — at least the first few times. So give plenty of attention to his penis. Think of it as as little Pavlovian conditioning! And hey, it still counts if the anal play simply enhances a male orgasm that’s achieved through more traditional methods (i.e. handwork, oral, or vaginal intercourse). If there’s simultaneous attention paid to his member, his penis will never feel left out!
5. Use Purpose-Made Lube
The anus is not self-lubricating (unlike vaginas and mouths) and anal tissue is delicate. As they say in the biz, too much lube is almost enough. Spit’s just not enough, no matter what you saw in Brokeback Mountain. That said, it’s best to avoid anything oil-based, like Vaseline or Crisco, since oils degrade the latex in condoms and are a huge pain to clean off bodies and bedsheets. Instead, go for a water-based lube like LELO’s Personal Moisturizer. We recommend a hand pump dispenser for easy one-handed reapplication. And steer clear of lube with numbing ingredients: Pain is a sign that you’re doing something wrong, so you’ll want his pain sensors —not to mention his pleasure sensors! — fully operational.
6. Don’t Go D.I.Y.
Unfortunately this particular region seems to encourage experimentation with D.I.Y. sex toys — and it’s the last place you should be going D.I.Y.! Our E.R. nurse friend confirms that those stories about deodorant sticks/cucumbers/action figures stuck up patients’ butts are not merely urban legends. D.I.Y. solutions are great when it comes to home improvements, but not when it comes to the back door. The anus and rectum are delicate body parts that need special care — the area is prone to tearing if mistreated, and it’s got curves that can’t accommodate certain shapes (like, say, rigid action figures) easily.
7. All Prostate Sex Toys Should Have a Flared Base
When using something other than your own finger to massage a guy’s prostate, make sure the toy was designed for bum play. A key feature of purpose-made prostate sex toys is that they have a flared base so they don’t get lost up there (because no one wants your guy to become another E.R. statistic, see above). For example, LELO’s Loki (pictured just above) has a base above the handle that’s designed to offer safety and security — and, as a bonus, the base offers extra stimulation to him, too! LELO’s Bruno and Hugo, meanwhile, are designed to be at least partially hands-free, if that’s what you and your partner want — hey, it frees up your hands for his penis! So these two anal vibrators are designed with a graduated shape, plus a 90-degree angle between the internal and external parts, to keep them firmly in place.
8. The Future is Silicone, Not Plastics
Any toy going in the back door should ideally be made of a non-porous material like 100% silicone, so it can be sterilized thoroughly (i.e. so it won’t harbor microscopic fecal bacteria). Some high-quality silicone toys designed specifically for his rear include LELO’s Loki, Bruno, and Hugo (all of which vibrate, by the way!). Oh, and if his tush doesn’t get out of bed for less than $10K, then check out LELO’s gold-plated Earl anal plug instead (pictured; it’s $2,590, to be precise).
9. His Ass Deserves the Very Best
High-quality, purpose-made anal toys have a tapered tip for smooth entry, no rough seams, and no parts that could easily break off inside him (yowza!). Ideally, the toy should be ergonomically shaped, too, meaning, for example, that it may curve to target his P-spot. Take LELO’s Loki, which has a comfortable handle for you, and for him, the neck is narrower than the tip, graduating along the contoured body for comfort and a sensuous, natural feeling. And LELO’s Hugo and Bruno both feature elegant sweeping curves and lines, and a smooth, almost frictionless silicone surface that is completely waterproof and feels amazing against the skin. Oh yeah, and Hugo and Bruno are also the most powerful prostate massagers in the world right now. So there’s that. Remember, it’s like what your mom used to tell you about your nose: just because you can stick anything up there doesn’t mean you should.
10. No Fast Exits!
Here’s something to know: While going in with a toy can be an intense sensation for your guy to get used to, going out can feel even more intense. So even if he yells, “Time out!” you should always make sure to pull out slowly and gently. He’ll thank you for your calm reaction later.
11. Let Him Be in Charge
This might be your idea, and your fantasy, but he gets to be in charge. It’s his asshole, after all! He should set the pace, and he may even want to guide the toy in with his own hands, too. If you’re the one guiding the prostate massager in, make sure you maintain eye contact at all times, and keep checking in with your partner, as you figure out the best depth, speed, and rhythm to use. Most importantly, he gets to pick out the toy! LELO offers a fabulous selection of prostate massagers to browse from. The Hugo, for example, is a great prostate massager for any level of experience, including complete beginners, with an insertable length of three inches, and a diameter of one inch at the widest point. Even better, it can be controlled wirelessly —from as far away as across the room, if you’re feeling kinky! — using LELO’s advanced SenseMotion technology. Once you two are more experienced anal travelers, you can decide whether or not you wish to graduate to the slightly more powerful Bruno (pictured just above). Both have dual motors — one in the base for perineum massage, and one in the tip for accurate internal stimulation. And both can be worn during vaginal intercourse. If intercourse isn’t on the menu, but instead prostate massage is the main meal, then consider the Loki instead — its handle offers a more, well, hands-on experience.
On a final note: If you follow these eleven steps, and do so with both love and lust in mind, we guarantee they will forever change the way you think about male pleasure.