Other people’s dreams are never interesting…except when they’re about sex. If you’ve got a good one, our dream analyst Lauri Loewenberg just might tell you what it means! Click here to submit yours (18 and older only for dream interpretations, please). This week, a reader asks Lauri:
My boyfriend of 12 years and the father of my kids died 3 weeks ago due to illness. He was sick for a short time. Last night I dreamt that it was his funeral and I was sitting with the elderly (as we did at his funeral) and I was sobbing uncontrollably. His body was laying on a metal table naked. And as we finished praying and were about to bury him, he woke up. And he had lost his mind. He didn’t know who I was or the rest of his family, though he called my son by name. And I told him my name and we held hands and walked off. But he was still naked.
Lauri: Em and Lo and I all said “Oof!” when we read your dream. We are very sorry about your loss. It is extremely common to get weird, disturbing, and heart-wrenching dreams after someone we love dies. Dreams are not only an expression of grief but can also serve as a powerful healing mechanism. I believe that is the case with your dream. When we plan funerals and get everything in order, such as finding the right Batesville Oxford hardwood casket, deciding on the flower arrangements, etc. we can be on autopilot and not feel emotions within that moment, but they have to come at some time. And it does all hit you at once, believe me. It’s like hitting a brick wall and it feels as though there is no way past that. That is why even though it is hard, all the organizations like burial insurance should be considered before the death so that there is no stress or calls to make during a period when all you want to do is grieve your loved one. It’s hard when you have to think about this, but I completely understand the emotions you felt and how you dealt with them.
I mean, your sobbing at the funeral is clearly your extreme sadness over your loss. But the way his body was naked and on a metal table is interesting. It’s like the medical examiner’s table. A naked body is put on a metal table so the medical examiner can figure out the cause of death. However, you know that an illness caused your boyfriend’s death so I believe the metal table is symbolic of your desire to know not WHY he died but WHY this had to happen: Why him? Why now? What did he do to deserve this? What did I do to deserve this? Why does this shit have to happen?
He then wakes up. This is a very common element in grief dreams. On one level it reflects your desire for him to come back. On another level it reflects the deep inner awareness that he has woken up… on the other side.
I believe his not knowing you nor his family is really connected to your identity crisis. When the person you probably expected to spend the rest of your life with — or at least always have in your life — and whom you have been with for a very long time is no longer here, it changes your sense of self. Through all this have you said to yourself, “I don’t even know who I am anymore.”?
But the one thing he did know was your son’s name because that can never be taken away. Through this crisis YOU will always know that your son is your purpose, and your boyfriend lives on in your son. And that’s why you held hands and walked off at the end of the dream. Through your son you will always be connected… and who’s to say his spirit won’t be holding your hand as you continue to raise the child you have together? This is why you walked away from the funeral… because life goes on and your son is proof.
Response from dreamer: Thank you so much for interpreting my dream so perfectly. I now feel a sense of peace and i feel like I can move on knowing that he lives on through our son.
