We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section.
I am a 26-year old black female who is also a virgin. I’ve had only two short-term relationships. Needless to say, I have never been in love. I have considered my STEM-related career as my partner.
I really dread dating. There are the good guys who seem too odd to me, the ones who are too physically affectionate, the ones whose histories I know and thus make me feel like second choice, the former-party-animals/hook-up-kings-turned “reformed gentlemen”. I don’t know if it’s all bullshit. Sometimes I think I would be better off just going on Craigslist and finding a discreet sex partner. Guys don’t care anyway.
Five months ago, I made an acquaintance with an older man (42 but looks 27). He moved to the area for a temporary work assignment. Without his wife and kids. I’m sure that they keep in contact on a daily basis. About a week ago, both of us were at a mutual friends’ gathering. A few hours later, the older man and I had a conversation. Everything, was going so good until… he kissed me. I can’t lie that it felt amazing. Of course, HE’S MARRIED! I had excused myself, left the party and went straight home.
The next day, he met up with me. He apologized, said that he never felt more attracted to someone of my ethnicity (he’s white). “Had opportunities but missed them”. There is more sexual chemistry than I have ever imagined possible with this man, which brings me to this question:
Knowing what the consequences would bring as well as the use of contraceptives, should I just lose my virginity to this man? He asked to me to be his FWB for the rest of his work assignment period. He also said that if I am a virgin, that is ok, he hasn’t been with one since his first girlfriend in high school. I know that a lot of people are going to get hurt, especially his wife. I also know that he will not leave the marriage.
— Jane the Virgin