We usually don’t dignify the crazies with a response, but we just can’t let this one go: A string of reader responses got us so infuriated that we decided to dedicate an entire column to setting him straight (no pun intended). We’ve edited his comments for space and readability while maintaining their warped content and spirit:
Hey Em & Lo,
What will happen when a straight couple who’s used a strap-on splits up? After months of penetration and a subsequent break up, where is the guy going to satisfy his newly acquired desire to be penetrated? It is not easy to find another woman that would want to do this to a guy. Yes, online it appears all women do it, but in real life, most women would be horrified at the idea of using a strap on on their BF and would make fun of a guy who enjoys getting penetrated. So it will take time and effort to find another woman like that.
In the meantime, with whom is this man going to talk about his desire to be penetrated? To his straight friends? I do not think so. To his female friends? Not unless they are strap-on girls, which is highly unlikely. Will he talk to homosexual guys about the issue, not because he himself is homosexual, but because they have something in common? Will he someday allow a man to penetrate him even though he still considers himself straight because he does not like men, because he thinks “It’s basically just the same thing as a strap on.”
Let me make an analogy: After a few years in a war zone becoming desensitized to guns and killing and shooting humans, a normal citizen could end up becoming a criminal. Now, not all men are secret criminals. A guy might not be genetically predisposed to become a criminal, but the the trauma of being in a military situation that involves weapons training combined with his confusion, weakness, stress and financial issues might make him prone to falling into a life of crime.
Similarly, a guy can become desensitized by getting dominated with a strap on. I am not saying that a straight man that gets done with a strap on will automatically become gay (unless he is already gay, a closeted homosexual or a feminine guy learning he likes that). What I am saying is that man, once alone, without the GF that used to bend him over, will still crave being penetrated. The guy in question might not become gay because he was a secret gay man, he might become gay because he needed to satisfy a need (penetration) that developed from a risky experiment with a girl that he wanted to try it with or that once asked him to bend over. Once the defense mechanisms are gone, he might end up somewhere he never intended nor wanted to be.
Women seem to play with bisexuality like a game, they go in and out of it with no real consequences. But men are different: a man that plays with homosexuality never goes back like women do. By bending a man over for her pleasure, she’s not necessarily turning that man into a homosexual, but yes, she’s taking him to the doorstep of that road. Does she have the right to do so? I think these women are destroying a human being just for the sake of their fantasy. If it was a married couple, I see no problem: the woman has the commitment to stay with the end product of her making. But if it is just a BF/GF thing, guys beware, you might end up becoming a completely different person. Would you turn gay? Not necessarily, but by parallel destinations, you might end up in gay guys’ company, the only ones able to hear you once you are alone.
All I am saying is that it is a ride with no return. Once you are used to being penetrated, you will never go back from that.
— James
Hey James,
It’s time to bend over. Not for a strap-on session, but for a spanking! Because you’ve been a very naughty boy, tainting our usually thoughtful comments section with your own brand of crazy. But don’t worry, we promise you won’t become a reluctant BDSM lifestyler from our walloping…
There are several holes (oh man, the puns are effortless) in your argument. But before we begin poking at them, let’s all agree that we are not talking about repressed homosexuals who are in denial about their sexual orientation. Okay then:
First, you cannot compare an otherwise well-adjusted person’s experience with intense military combat involving the massacre of human beings that results in post-traumatic stress disorder to a pleasant, consensual sexual experience between well-adjusted adults. In the simplest terms: the former is bad, the latter is good. One is outside the realm of healthy human experiences; the other is well within the realm of healthy sexual experimentation with someone you trust.
Second, if some people were so desperate for a specific sex act after a break-up — let’s say, oral sex — then by your argument, there would be many more cases where otherwise well-adjusted people felt compelled to turn to their golden retrievers for their similar licking abilities. We’re not saying this hasn’t happened in the history of sex and pets, but that’s not a legitimate, reasonable or logical reason for people to avoid cunnilingus or fellatio altogether with partners they care about.
(In fact, you inadvertently make butt sex sound soooooo enjoyable — enjoyable enough that it would drive people to extreme lengths — that we’re sure you’ve convinced a few people to see what they’ve been missing out on.)
Third, if you’re a decidedly straight guy who enjoys anal play but suddenly finds himself without a female partner, there’s no need to go against every sexual instinct you’ve experienced since childhood and suddenly go gay: you can simply choose from a plethora of butt-safe toys to replicate the sensation during masturbation. You might even find that watching it happen to someone else whilst you masturbate is enough – you really won’t know you try. There are plenty of videos on sites like TubeV Sex that you can attempt this with. Sheesh.
Fourth, while you say not every guy would automatically start engaging in homosexual acts, you suggest that bum-loving is a ride you can never get off. We will happily admit that some people may try a sexual activity, enjoy it thoroughly, and then want to include in their repertoire on a regular basis from then on. Everyone has their preferences. But to suggest that once you go “back” you can never go back — no matter who you are — is ludicrous. Plenty of people are happy to try new things, enjoy them, but then can take them or leave them. Again, the average person could certainly go without, due to a breakup or an unwilling partner they cared about. And plenty of guys will try strap-on sex and not like it (believe it or not!).
Fifth, you talk about women who enjoy wearing strap-ons with their male partners as if they were all master sexual manipulators stripping men of all willpower and masculinity without a care for anything but their own sexual fantasies and satisfaction. Um, it takes two to tango. If a guy doesn’t want his backdoor knocked on, there’s no way his girlfriend is somehow sneaking in a strap-on dildo. Even if his girlfriend is Angelina Jolie.
Speaking of masculinity, if you think being penetrated is feminine, then you’re sexist. If you think enjoying anal play is gay, then you’re a homophobe. And we don’t tolerate either around these here 21st-century parts. As we’ve said before, nerve endings aren’t gay or straight, people are. Sex is all about context, which is why almost no women get turned on by tampon insertion. You engage in sexual activities with people you are attracted to — that’s a large part of what makes them enjoyable. If you’re not attracted to the person on a primal level, you’re not going to enjoy the sex. So if you’re not into guys, you’re not going to enjoy one of them intimately massaging your prostate. But if you’re into girls, then you very well may like having one travel down your hershey highway, because it’s chockful of nerves that respond to stimulation (the right kind of stimulation, whatever that is for you).
All this is not to say that for some people sexual orientation is not fluid. Many people are bisexual, of course. And there’s nothing wrong with experimenting with partners you trust, whether they fall in line with your current sexual orientation or not. Would that make you gay? Only if you want it to. The range of sexual activity is so wide that we believe you should define yourself however you see fit, even if it’s not neatly black or white. It’s your sexual identity — own it. So please don’t go poo-poo-ing others for wanting to play around with sexual roles. That’s usually where they can broaden their horizons, see how ridiculous some of the assumptions they have about sex or gender roles are, and have the most fun!
Now go blow it out your arse,
Em & Lo
I was talking to my girlfriend and we had a chat about kinky sex.I`m open minded on everything in sex,but she suggested she wants to penetrate me, I lost in words.I just asked her..what actuall satisfaction may man receive by being penetrated.Even it is only with the toy.I am very much up for a lot of types of kinky sex,but never tried something like that.She said,I`ll enjoy it..
Pegging! Oh what fun. Toys work too…but I really do want to know what the real thing feels like one of these days!
Guys ive been following this for a while. The views are interesting
Love you, and all the sensible, logical types–and pro-peggers. š
Jack.
Are you James in disguise? You’ve got that same odd-grammar-thing going on.
If not: seriously, dude, that kind of cheating is pretty WTF-worthy, and also pretty unnecessary.
And James, I know you said you weren’t coming back, but I wanted to thank you for reading my post, although I wish you actually understood it.
WTF JACK! You’re married to a woman and having sex with men??? WOW that’s love man! Get over yourself, and YOU be a real man and come out of the closet and tell your wife! This is about cheating.
My boyfriend is not gay at all and I occasionally from time to time use to toys to stimulate his ass. I love it and so does he. We are very comfortable with one another and it’s awesome to find someone where we can be ourselves, because we are a bit, well a lot crazy in the sheets. So MEN, if you’re not gay, don’t ever be ashamed to like anal pleasure, it’s all sexual, nothing about being gay or not. If a woman is going to judge you on that, then you obviously need to move on and find a woman who will not. I don’t mind using a strap on, shit it was my idea š
I could never ask my wife to do it. Opinions are voiced over the course of a relationship. When you hear about the negativity involving certain sexual pratices,you keeep your mouth shut for fear of ridicule. i love her for many other things than sex. I have tried it with other men. i have no bonding relationship with that person ,other than sexual gratification,even then, I feel ridiculous for having let my cock do the thinking. I enjoy the uninhibited exploration but,without the spritual connection, its just masturbation with no future. I think “it’s just sex,get over it”. You’re thinking too much man,just have fun.
I also really donāt comprehend why answering your allegations that myself and others here that feel you are a tad homophobic is in any way āmessing up good participationā. If you are not, thatās fine.
Kari,
I admit that I don’t like it when people say they are saved. My knowledge of scripture is shaky at best, but it’s my impression that people are judged after they die, or at the rapture. That one is supposed to invest in the afterlife, and not expect rewards here on earth(a principle of faith?). Accordingly, it seems wrong that someone could unwrap that gift while they’re alive. And of course, could then take a wrong turn and rape children, or murder folks, and still go to heaven. The concept of being saved seems thought up by a denomination trying to win a popularity contest.
One thing I’d like to change from the previous post is that I shouldn’t have mentioned religious conservatives, only people that try to push their morality on others. They are clearly not the same. It was wrong to connect the two.
James – seriously – I was not trying to portray you in any sort of way. I am honestly curious as to what caused you to develop this view. You say that you are not homophobic at all – okay, fine, I don’t know you and don’t know your life. But if you, yourself, has no experience at all in this, then what exactly are you advising against? That would be similar to me advising someone not to eat a certain kind of food because it tasted badly, except that I had never tried the food.
I truly do not comprehend why asking you where you are getting your information and opinion from is “throwing stones”. I also really don’t comprehend why answering your allegations that myself and others here that feel you are a tad homophobic is in any way “messing up good participation”. If you are not, that’s fine. I’m merely pointing out that myself, and likely others, percieve you that way because of the language you use. You may not be homophobic, and I would be glad to say that I was wrong, yet you do not change your language in any way, which leads me to believe otherwise.
And another clarifying question, if you do so choose to answer it, can you please explain to me why the phrase ‘everyone on here’ “creates caos”? I am pretty sure that pointing out that all but one other commenter adamantly disagrees with you is not chaotic.
I’m sorry that you felt attacked by my words. It was not my intention (with the exception of when you claimed I wanted to push people off cliffs for my own entertainment. I was very upset by your allegations). But, if you would like to come back and have an intelligent discussion – and actually answer the allegations brought against your point, then I promise I, at least, and probably the others, will not be attacking YOU specifically.
No, we merely poked holes in your logic, and questioned your strong opinions on something you’ve never experienced.
It’s like this, James: if someone walks up to a conversation at a cocktail party and says, hey, I’ve never tried a shrimp cocktail before, but I’m pretty sure that if you ever tried one, there’s a good chance you’d never be able to stop eating them, and would have to eat one every night for dinner… is calling that person out on their nonsense “messing up a good participation”? Maybe you’d nod along at this observation like it makes all kinds of sense, but most of us would probably ask wtf the person is talking about.
Statements like that aren’t “opposing views”–they’re just ignorant. And yes, zero tolerance is a pretty good idea when it comes to people talking out of their asses.
Ok guys and gals. I am going to leave this topic for good, feel free to throw stones or darts at my face, have fun.
I can see that it is very difficult for several participants to respond with facts, some do, but then add their grain of salt to the mix, messing up a good participation.
Apparently there is a need to discredit me by calling me several things, and the last ones I see try to portray me as a guy that is hypocritical or has experience with strap ons or “projects” himself.
This advise , the one I present, is for those that want to take it. I am sure there are a lot of people reading my advise and heeding it.
Comments like “everybody on here is getting upset at you” seem to be attempts to stiffle the oposition by creating caos.
Have a nice time crowd. Untill another opposing view comes along, enjoy the party. To the next participant with an opposing view, enjoy the ride, zero tolerance seems to reign in here ( this topic.)
later.
James, let’s get one thing straight (heh): trying strap-on sex is NOT akin to trying crack. The fact that you seem to imagine it as so potentially addictive belies something in YOUR perspective, not the reality.
Unlike you, I can speak from experience. My wife has used a strap-on on me. It felt pretty amazing, I have to tell you–sometimes absolutely intense and wonderful in a different way from orgasms through me penetrating her or her giving me a blowjob. It can be really great.
And guess what? We’ve done it maybe 5-6 times over 4 years or so since the first time. I like it, just like I like tying her up, or being tied up, or penetrating her anally, or any number of the kinkier things we happen to do once in a while.
It kinda cracks me up, actually, all of these warnings you’re casting around (a little projection, there, maybe?). Someone developing a taste for something does not necessarily mean he or she will develop a need. Far from it. Maybe you, James, need to just bend over and get it over with. It sounds to me like you of all people really, really NEED it.
James – nice (ish) reply this time. But you did not answer the question that I am sure is on many people’s minds … If you are not homophobic, if you do not believe that homosexuality is wrong, or anal pleasure is wrong – then what exactly are you cautioning against? I really question where it is that you have all of this knowledge of how strap on sex will (apparently inevitably?) lead to a man engaging in sex with another man. I doesn’t sound like this has personally happened to you, but I guess I could be wrong there. Do you have a huge gaggle of friends who ended up having a sexual relationship against their will with another man? Everyone on here is getting upset at you because there are a lot of men who enjoy that type of play and never engage in a sexual act with another man. There are also a lot of women who enjoy this type of play, but you basically discount all of us as either complete anomalies or prostitutes. Really, do you think that its possible that the reason women don’t talk about this particular act often – and get freaked out about it – is not because “normal” women don’t do this stuff, but because society tells us it’s wrong, and that it will feminize our men? Because, see, I don’t believe that it does. At all. I believe that all of this is a social construct around taboo acts.
As an aside – both of the men you used as an example say that they crave it from their women, yes, but neither said that have or planned to turn to men to scratch that itch. And that does not mean that they will turn to other men for that, either. It just means it’s something they enjoy.