We’re always thrilled to hear about people opening themselves up — as it were — to new sensual experiences in the backdoor area. Unfortunately this particular region seems to encourage experimentation with D.I.Y. sex toys — and it’s the last place you should be going D.I.Y.! Our E.R. nurse friend confirms that those stories about deodorant sticks/cucumbers/action figures stuck up patients’ butts are not merely urban legends.
D.I.Y. solutions can be great when it comes to home improvements, NOT when it comes to your tushy time. The anus and rectum are delicate body parts that need special care, or else — you’re right — things could go horribly wrong. The area is prone to tearing if mistreated, it’s not self-lubricating, and it’s got curves that can’t accommodate certain shapes (like, say, rigid action figures) easily.
Instead, you should use only high-quality toys designed specifically for the rear, like LELO’s Bob and Billy, Tantus’s L’il End butt plug, the Tantus vibrating ProTouch, or Booty Beads’ Silicone Anal Beads. (If your tush doesn’t get out of bed for less than $10K, then check out LELO’s gold-plated Earl anal plug.)
Here are the five things you should look for in a high-quality, purpose-made butt toy:
1. It should have a flared base so as not to get sucked up into your black hole, lost for all eternity.
2. It should ideally be made of non-porous material like 100% silicone so it can be sterilized thoroughly (i.e. so it won’t harbor microscopic fecal bacteria).
3. It should be soft, yet firm, with a little give to it so it’s easy on your bod.
4. It should be ergonomically shaped (e.g. it should have a tapered end and possibly a curve that targets his prostate gland, a.k.a. the P-spot or the male G-spot).
5. It shouldn’t have rough seams or anything that might break off inside of you, duh.
And while you absolutely must use lubricant — and lots of it — it’s probably best to avoid anything oil-based, like Vaseline or Crisco, since oils degrade the latex in condoms, they’re a bitch to clean off, and they can lead to infection in women (should the oil in question somehow make its way to her vajayjay). Instead, go for a water- or silicone-based lube, at least when you’re playing together.
Remember: Be smart (or would that be smart-ass?) when it comes to anal play. It’s like what your mom used to tell you about your nose: just because you can stick anything up there doesn’t mean you should.