Writing the title of this post just created the most unsettling cognitive dissonance: on the one hand President Trump‘s recent tweet boasting about the size of his nuclear button is pure, laughable, infantile, sexual insecurity; on the other it’s a casual threat to the lives of millions of real people living on this planet, indeed a threat to the very planet itself!
North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the “Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.” Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) January 3, 2018
Our world is at the mercy of the whims of an unstable narcissist with whom Freud would have a field day: Trump’s daddy didn’t love him enough, he’s insecure about his sexual prowess, he wants to fuck his daughter…
While we don’t think penis size is something to be focused on or ridiculed, we do know that insecurity about physical “manliness” can wreak havoc on a man’s mental state. And when the “leader of the free world” (again: Does. Not. Compute!) is so obviously tormented by his own insecurities and insists on displaying them for all the world to see in such blatant, un-self-aware ways, well, people are gonna talk shit.
And that’s exactly what people did on Twitter, using dark, sometime inappropriate, humor (including, we hate to admit it, ourselves). Here are some of the best (or perhaps worst) reactions. Please try not to give up on all hope for humanity:
@realDonaldTrump So the presidential doctrine has gone from "Walk softly and carry a big stick" to "Tweet loudly to compensate for a small stick." Freud would have a field day with this one. https://t.co/Q9rwdXGoX2
— Em & Lo (@emandlo) January 3, 2018
Correct!… Your button is bigger pic.twitter.com/U9lPci4SIs
— Pepo Jiménez (@kurioso) January 3, 2018
Dotard vs Rocket Man. The worst movie ever.
— Ed Krassenstein (@EdKrassen) January 3, 2018
Donald, honey, I know you have heard this many times in your life. But in the case of buttons, it’s actually true. Size doesn’t matter.
— Sara K (@DinnerClubRVA) January 3, 2018
I’m buying canned food and Twinkies now…
— Simon Hedlin (@simonhedlin) January 3, 2018
— Bray_NYC🥂 (@Bray_NYC) January 3, 2018
Yes, the first POTUS in history to talk about his clitoris.
— Randi Mayem Singer (@rmayemsinger) January 3, 2018
You know whay they say about men with big and expensive toys…
— Sabrina Kaleva (@sabrinakaleva) January 3, 2018
— Ralph Snart (@ralphsnart) January 3, 2018
Hey Donnie, we all know it’s about that… pic.twitter.com/9NhB0KYDB7
— Jean-Laurent Gaudy (@monsieurgaudy) January 3, 2018
This what you mean? pic.twitter.com/uuDJmCQcL2
— Moses Guerrero (@TheMosesG) January 3, 2018
Um I think it’s just for office supplies pic.twitter.com/ysWIjFVdy4
— Stephanie Christie (@PublicistSteph) January 3, 2018
My goodness you two get a room already
— Vivienne Sendaydiego (@VSendaydiego) January 3, 2018
@Twitter please take responsibility and suspend this person’s dangerous account. He repeatedly violates your policies and yet you allow the dangerous train wreck to continue. You have the power to do something about it, and you don’t. Please set an example. pic.twitter.com/K4UQ84J9Uc
— Lindsay White (@listentolindsay) January 3, 2018
It’s not bigger it’s your little hands that make it look that way
— alan haywood (@alan_alh) January 3, 2018
— BigMac™ (@JosephMackay) January 3, 2018
When you have to say yours is bigger Donald, chances are…
It isnt. pic.twitter.com/gVjXe3nrtU
— Betty’s Gonna Betty (@RogueBettySays) January 3, 2018
— The Greek Analyst (@GreekAnalyst) January 3, 2018
Instead of killing us all with a nuclear war, both of you should just measure the size of your penises and finish this nonsense once and for all.
— Amparo Arévalo (@Ampari_A4) January 3, 2018
The only button on Trump’s desk is for the valet, which he uses to summon someone to bring him a Diet Coke (true story). Also…it looks small to me.#NorthKorea #ButtonEnvy #POTUS #Trump #TrumpTrain #WednesdayWisdom pic.twitter.com/Z1A0WkeHDl
— Chris Kennedy (@Chris_Kennedy2) January 3, 2018
— Eline van de Laar (@WillemijnvanRh1) January 3, 2018
Kim Jong-un and Donald Trump fighting over who has the bigger button pic.twitter.com/7NLP4xr7b3
— hennessy williams (@putahomegurl) January 3, 2018
For all of you sharing this fragile orb and premising your tomorrows on the notion that no two men in key positions of authority could be so small, empty and stupid as to risk the mass immolation of tens of millions in an adolescent dick-measuring contest, well, dream on, rubes. https://t.co/NTozS0zJZ9
— David Simon (@AoDespair) January 3, 2018
the button probably just looks bigger by comparison pic.twitter.com/M58GF1DJgh
— social media pants (@nick_pants) January 3, 2018
JUST KISS ALREADY https://t.co/GPicOzSxFO
— Stephen Thompson (@idislikestephen) January 3, 2018
Trump uses twitter as a means to four ends:
– Trial ballooning
– Preemptive Framing
The “nuclear button” tweet is almost certainly a distraction from the latest Fusion GPS revelation. Read more ⬇️ https://t.co/b2BeCSLcJB
— Millennial Politics (@MillenPolitics) January 3, 2018
— Hannah Simpson (@hannsimp) January 3, 2018
The nuclear button tweet is a reminder that Trump is obsessed with size, ratings, bigness.
In all things. Including nuclear arsenals.
— Chris Cillizza (@CillizzaCNN) January 3, 2018
In light of Donald Trump’s Nuclear Button tweet, should we conclude we’re living
— Bill Kristol (@BillKristol) January 3, 2018
“He couldn’t find the button.” – Trump’s ex-wives and girlfriends
— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) January 3, 2018
i’m ready for 2019 now, thanks https://t.co/f8CtAGc8Ox
— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) January 3, 2018