What If You’re an Extrovert Dating an Introvert?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader:

Dear Em & Lo,

So I’ve been dating this girl for almost 2 years now, and she’s a real introvert, and I’m more of an extrovert. I like going out on dates, and they don’t have to be expensive or anything like that! I’m usually happy no matter what we do, be it going to the mall, a museum, roller (or ice) skating, to the park, laser tag… Pretty much anything. The problem is, the only thing she likes to do is stay at her house and play video games and watch youtube or TV. Now, don’t get me wrong– those are things I like as well! I’m not great at games, but I do enjoy playing them. The only thing is, it’s all we ever do, unless I really push her to go out, in which case she usually ends up not having any fun, which is also no fun for me. Can you give me any ideas on what to do, or places we could go that she might enjoy?

— Ants in My Pants

Does AiMP need more than date ideas?
Let her know in the comments below! 


  1. You’re asking the wrong people. If you want to know what she would enjoy doing, or where she would like to go, you need to ask her. If she keeps telling you that she wants to stay home and play x box, maybe it’s time for you to seek out someone with more diverse interests. This would also allow her to find someone more attuned to her interests.

  2. I’ll just expand a little on her rigidity. You don’t say if she thinks it’s a problem that she never likes to leave her house, but I’m guessing she doesn’t. This suggests to me that she’s in denial about her issues and instead has embraced and rationalized them. This won’t make for a happy life for her. Who knows if repeated heartbreak will make her realize that it’s her, not them. Right now she sounds too dug in for the heartbreak of losing you to do the trick. Or, maybe she’ll find someone who’s just as much of a homebody as she is and they’ll enjoy the slug life, but that ain’t you. 2 years is already enough of your time; I have some experience banging my head against a wall and it’s ill-advised.

  3. Here’s the other thing – you sound easy-going and she sounds like a malcontent. You say you’re happy doing anything, but she’s only happy doing about three things. You’re capable of enjoying the things she enjoys, but she’s not capable of enjoying the things you enjoy.

    She’s rigid and you’re flexible. That means she’s going to have a very hard time making any relationship work, but you’re going to have a much easier time of it. In fact, it’s probably your flexible and easy-going personality that has allowed you to endure 2 years of mismatched dating.

    2 flexible, easy-going people make for a great relationship. Not much fighting. Fun dates – or watching netflix, whichever. Do what you want this time and what she wants next time, or vice versa, doesn’t matter. Each of you can play along with what the other wants once in a while, even if it’s not your thing.

    Get yourself a partner with a flexible personality. Trust me, this is one I know about personally. I’ve been in exactly the situation you’re in. Right now you probably don’t even realize how much fun a girlfriend can be.

  4. Introvert doesn’t necessarily mean shut-in. She sounds more… welll… lame. I’m sorry. But I mean, what would you call a guy who doesn’t want to do anything but watch youtube and play video games?

    It sounds to me like she’s determined not to enjoy any of the things you want to do (mall, museum, park, skating, laser tag… that’s a pretty wide spread of dating options, but she’s barely willing to even try ANY of them?). If after two years of trying you can’t find anything that excites her, I don’t have any further suggestions. You’re beating your head against a wall. This girl’s just no fun. Find a new one.

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