Advice from three of EMandLO.com’s guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What do men think about female ejaculation?” To ask the guys your own question, click here.
Straight Married Guy (Figleaf): Good question but hard to answer. I think the most important thing you can say about female ejaculation is that the best-selling book that introduced the idea of G-spot orgasms and female ejaculation, The G Spot: And Other Discoveries about Human Sexuality, has a whole chapter devoted to the principle that “the best is the enemy of the good.” The authors worried specifically that if people obsess over having or (worse, I think) giving G-spot orgasms, they’re likely to wind up disappointed with their ordinary old eye-rolling, breathtaking, toe-curling ones.
I’ve had sex with a couple of partners who “squirt” at least some of the time. And while obviously everyone’s mileage varies, I never got the impression from them that those orgasms were any more enjoyable, or less, than the “regular” kind.
Straight Single Guy (David Grossman): Female ejaculation is the greatest compliment a woman can give to her partner. It doesn’t take much to make a man climax, but being able to make a woman ejaculate is a skill and an honor.
Gay Married Guy (Joel Derfner, author of Swish): Ew.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. David Grossman recently graduated from Stony Brook University in New York; this week’s Gay Married Guy is Joel Derfner, author of Swish; and our Straight Married Guy is Figleaf, the guy behind RealAdultSex.com. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
I’m 38. When I was much younger and experimenting with myself/looking for the elusive g-spot- I could count on some fluid coming out. It wasn’t urine. I sort of forgot about that whole phase once I became sexually active. That is, until I met my current boyfriend.
I’d say 50% of the time I ejaculate when we have sex. I’ve had many sex partners and this has not happened with another person before.
My observations:
– I am totally comfortable, relaxed and unself-conscious with him.
– We enjoy a lot of foreplay and don’t rush.
– I never think about it happening. It either does or it doesn’t. It doesn’t feel any better when I DO squirt. Essentially, It’s more of a visual/sensory turn on and does not always accompany an orgasm. It generally precedes one.
– It only happens after switching from one position to him on top and having my legs pushed back behind my head(I assume that narrows the vagina).
– I don’t know… It’s sort of messy, feels good while it’s happening but not worth seeking out.
– The main thing is to be with someone you’re comfortable with. You never know what might happen.
ps- I make sure to pee beforehand just because the two spots are so close together.
I never started squirting until I was pregnant. I was always fairly sexually active and definitely multi orgasmic. But ever since I had my kid, I squirt almost every time I have sex, several times. Sometimes during orgasm, sometimes just before or after. I almost always put a towel down, because I literally soak the sheets. I’m probably abnormal, since I usually orgasm within 5 minutes of starting intercourse, and about 15-20 more times in my typical 30-45min session. I’m don’t have urinary incontinence, and I squirt with almost anyone I’m with, one night stand or regular partner, and it happens in almost any position you can think of…so for those of you men who think you are all that, maybe its not always you. And ladies, I feel that for the most parts, my orgasms were just as good before I started squirting, so if you can’t do it, it’s not the end of the world. But female ejaculation DEFINITELY EXISTS.
It’s not pee. In fact, there is no urine sunstance in squirting, even tho it does come from the same spot.
I beieve every woman can do it. I just did it 2 times tonight with my boyfriend. Fisting is the best way.. and to be really relaxed. But find out if he likes it first. I didn’t know. But afterwards, i found out he did.lol. Thank God. But it does make you exhausted afterwards, like male ejaculation. So men, comfort your woman afterwards if its their first time. The first time can be humiliating for us. But if we know its a huge turn on, it makes us feel better.
^ so you’re saying it’s just pee?
Not a real thing, and when it happens it’s urinary incontinence more than any thing else, Skene’s gland is reposnible for lubricating and cleansing the urethera and vestibule and not for ejaculation as it does not contain any space to store the secretions, unlike male prostate which is made to store the prostatic fluid and to contract during ejaculation. It’s a problem that afflicts many who claim that ejaculate that is they can’t control their urinary sphincter during orgasm. Its been proven when a urinary catheter was connected to the urethera, and all the fluid that came out was through the bladder during orgasm for women who suffered from that symptom. All those who gave opinions on it including females are not scientifically oriented.
It’s not really a skill or a technique at least I don’t think. I think knowing the lay of the land helps and being open to exploring what feels good to her is important. I’ve always been a ehem juicy lover but wasn’t too much of a squirter. I could always feel my body building and I’d get to the point my body felt covered in icy hot and I’d hold back. After our 14 year run together and having always had a vigorous sex life something just clicked in me that said just enjoy it and let it all go. You know feel the moment and let it wash over you (some pun intended). My husband and I had been working each other over as he likes to delay things a little to make the final moment last. He had gone from penetrating me to oral and I just let myself enjoy the moment and came all over his face. I was a little freaked out ya know embarrassed but damned if he didn’t just dive in. When we went back to penetration I just rode that wave of damn this feels good and it was honestly the biggest orgasm we had both experienced well to that date. My suggestion is don’t hold yourself back your lover is exactly that and wants to please you just as much as they want to be pleased. And remember eating fruit is your friend great for your skin and like with mens sperm women’s ejaculatory fluids can pick up ‘flavor’ think fresh pineapple or sweet peaches. And I must say it is something that doesn’t happen all the time though sometimes when you have sex multiple times a day after you get one good gush there’s bound to be another. I know sometimes my hubby doesn’t want to get covered in sploosh so during those mid day quickies I hold back sometimes I think it’s the worst torture ever but during the wee hours of the morning when I’m free … Let it be. A great trick for holding back is to keep up with kagels. Make them part of your daily routine but don’t over due it you don’t want to crush anything. Practice them during sex you’ll find just the right time and way to ‘grip’ for even more arousal not just for him but for you. Sex … I could go on and on.
http://www.oprah.com/relationships/Dr-Laura-Berman-on-Female-Ejaculation-Video
Oh and to Victoria, I fully disagree. Most girls I’ve made squirt didn’t know they could or only have once or twice and didn’t realize what was going on. Most girls can not do it themselves but I can make the girls squirt on command. So in that case, it is skill because they can’t make their self squirt so they call me specially cause I can make them squirt. Even girls that know what I’m doing can not explain to their next partner so he can do it, so they always come back to me. They know its a button and I’m very good at finding the button and hitting it just right to make every girl squirt. I’m a guy and it’s really crappy to still hear the stories where guys are all about themselves in bed. Makes me think of how disappointed their wives are in bed. I read how guys can make their girl squirt but on command if a whole different ball game…that’s where it takes time to master 🙂
The girls that don’t enjoy a squirting orgasm means they are getting the best of it. I consider my self a master of giving a girl the best orgasm of their life! I can do it on command and to every woman. My record is 1.5 seconds! Next one is 3 seconds. 10 seconds is pretty normal. I’ve counted and given girls 30 second gushing waterfall orgasms. They beg for it, they want me to do it over and over again! My partners are 100% confident they will have several squirting orgasms in one session! Its super simple to do and everyone acts like its a strange mystery…I’ve been told by several women to insure my fingers because they are magic fingers and they don’t want anything to happy to my precious hands! A true compliment…I aim to please cause that’s our jobs guys! Get a hint!
I’ve been squirting my whole life. Before I was sexually active, I could achieve this. After becoming sexually active, I only started squirting with a partner who could do it to me. Now that I’ve recognized and understood what is going on in my body, its almost impossible not to ejaculate when I orgasm! Its practically a problem because it is so messy. Ladies, if you’re having trouble, just relax as much as possible and practice. Let your partner know what works. Then blow him away with your newfound power! But be careful, wate r loss is a serious issue in this department, and all the excessive moisture is a breeding ground for unfriendly bacteria. The biggest thing to remember is that you’re not going to pee.your body is in “sex” mode. many women confuse the pressure previous to ejacuation with needing to urinate because we were conditioned to expect pee when we were children and were potty trained. It is indeed not a myth! From an experienced ejaculator
I couldn’t agree more with you Victoria. It is absolutely true for me that I can only orgasm when I have ‘let go’ and that means I must trust my partner. I have never had any orgasms with any men apart from my current boyfriend and he has the smallest penis of all of them. I find it sad that women are feeding into this myth that men have to have 8 inches and this magical ‘skill’. It is nothing to skill! Technique is something you should negotiate with your partner but ultimately if a woman trusts her partner she is much more likely to orgasm.
It’s interesting how many men think it’s their skill that somehow makes a woman have orgasm (never mind ejaculate). The truth is that a woman has to truly “let go” to orgasm. She will let go if she TRUSTS her partner. If she feels nurtured and nourished emotionally in a relationship, she is more likely to completely let go. That’s why most women who squirt with masturbation dont always do in a relationship. In discussion with girlfriends we’ve come to the same conclusion – we only give 100% sexually when we know he is committed 100% to our wellbeing through good times & bad. So it’s really not about the size of the penis or technique guys. It’s about your relationship skills. That can be a good thing guys. 🙂
It is nice when it happens but so is any orgasm, or so my partner tells me. She also is able to ejaculate occasionally, but has no real control over how and when.
Hello… Yes, it very much exists, for around 20 years in my case! Dont ask me how its done or why we seem to be in the minority because i dont know! It is lovely when it happens especially if you are aware your partner finds it a turn on.. I tend to pre-warn as i gather its not for everyone, but i have never had any negativity about it. Saying that i would really like to point out that i have also had the most mindblowing & enjoyable sex without it happening at all, there are different types of orgasm & wouldnt like to think any man out there is beating himself up because his partner doesnt produce the wet stuff! I can honestly say its just different, not better than a “normal” orgasm… So go forth & please your ladies without the added pressure!
I am a squirter, so for those who doubt it, it’s real!
It is an amazing experience, I first did it masturbating and was embarrassed by it, but I knew it wasn’t urine. Then I could only achieve it when riding until I met a guy who is very skilled and aware of female pleasure zones. My advice to all that feel pressured to achieve it is to loosen up and open your mind to it. Enjoy!