Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “What do men think of a woman who has her own supply of condoms? What do they think of women who expect men alone to always buy the condoms?“
Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): I think a woman who has her own supply of condoms is responsible, healthy and probably fun to hang out with. I like to think we’ve moved beyond the concept of a “modern woman.” Every person needs to take responsibility for his or her own sexual health and safety.
Straight Single Guy (Chris): A girl with condoms is sexy, experienced, and confident. I have absolutely no problem with it. I think it might bother me a little if someone always expected me to supply them, but not enough not to fuck them, so I guess it doesn’t really matter. You know what does bother me, though? A half-empty bottle of lube. I just always assume the worst: rough anal with somebody the night before. They really should put that stuff in smaller bottles.
Straight Married Guy (David): For most married men this is probably a moot point. Whatever protections against the makin’ of babies they use are paid for with shared funds. Or the babies already made have made the makers too exhausted to do the baby making thang at all. In which case any old condoms get used for the making of balloon animals.
Our “guys” are a rotating group of contributors. This week’s Straight Married Guy is David Jacobs, a NYC-based photographer; our Straight Single Guy is Chris DiClerico; and our Gay Married Guy is Jon Ross of Boerum Hill Blog. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
I always carried condoms from the age of 14 on, even before having sex. Why? I was prepared and I knew the ones in my purse could be trusted over one carried around in some guys wallet for months, left in a glove box or out of a truck stop vending machine. If i was going to have sex and use protection, i would want it to work, right? Now Im married, 22 years old and we keep a stock in the bathroom.
Seems as appropriate to me as her having a bottle of asprin. Don’t want to offend anyone, but I disagree with Chris’s assumptions that it’s a sign that she’s ‘sexy, experienced, and confident’.
Moot point for me. I’m very loyal a particular brand of condoms and don’t want to have to use whatever she has as a last resort. (Unless, as someone else pointed here, she’s allergic to my condoms.)
Which is why, during the winter, spring, and fall there is always a condom or two in the inner pocket of every jacket and sportcoat I own. (And in my bookbag as well.) During the summer if I’m going out to a bar or party where the possibility of a hookup is strong, I’ll carry one or two in a small, unobtrusive box that fits in any pocket without drawing attention.
(I learned that lesson after a girl I was meeting up with pointed to the strip of condoms that were poking out from the top of my shirt pocket. We still got busy afterwards but w/someone else it might have killed my chances.)
“He starts to get weird and the night ends with no sex and him implying that she’s a slut!”
Well, at least it prevented her from having sex with such a loser 🙂 gotta see the bright side.
I was shocked when a friend of mine had a guy freak out because she had condoms. This was just a few years ago, and they were both in their late 20s. It was a conference hook-up, they started making out in his room, he gets ready to just put it in, then she stops him and asks if he has a condom. When he doesn’t, she suggests that they go to her room, where she has some in her luggage. He starts to get weird and the night ends with no sex and him implying that she’s a slut! This was in 2007! I couldn’t believe it.
Figleaf, in reference to luck…I have a little trick for coming out of a drought, based on the idea that if you are ready for something, the universe will send it your way.
Step 1: buy condoms
Step 2: put a couple in your purse
Works like a charm. And the ones in my purse almost never get used, because the guy has his own. Unless we run out, in which they are universally pleased to discover that I’m carrying my own supply. 🙂
Haha..Dan Savage just addressed the half-empty lube bottle in his latest Nerve column.
Johnny–Oh, I think I remember that one…from the thread where men were just supposed to be diplomatic when they got the old “Not tonight, I’ve got a headache,” whereas (some) women completely freaked out and called their partner names when he turned them down once in a blue moon?
Re: the condoms: I wasn’t quite so “chilled out” recently when I pulled a pile of my 14 years old’s laundry out of the machine, and a little square silver packet fell out, “What the??” I thought, and looked closer…”Real orange flavor!” was printed on the front…not only does he have a condom, but it’s flavored?? Looked a little closer, realized it was a package of fruit gummies… gawd.
Quick tip: it is absolutely not the case that only confident women have their own condoms. Women can have condoms for all the reasons men can — that can include assertiveness, sexiness, and experience, sure, but also anticipation, anxiety, hopefulness, responsibility, wishful thinking, or for luck.
Point being the only conclusion you should draw if about someone who has condoms is… pretty much that they have condoms. Unless, of course, they say “I’ve got a condom, let me get it.” The point there being that conclusion drawing isn’t needed when there’s communication.
figleaf
LOL! Social mores have changed so much in 20+ years. I wanted to hook up with a guy I was into in college, so I made sure there were condoms – he totally freaked when he saw them…kept asking me where I got them (duh…the drugstore!) No hook up that night 🙁 Or ever. 🙂
I still make sure I have a supply of condoms; for health reasons, but not the usual ones…I’m allergic to latex and lamb’s wool, so he can only use polyisoprene condoms. I can’t expect that the guy will know that/be prepared for it. Nice to know it makes me look sexy & confident! 😀
PS Good for your daughter! Forward-thinking and well-prepared young woman.
It was actaully a few months ago, SS. I’ll try to dig it up for you.
The gist was that women can become bad sports when they expect/want sex and don’t get it.
Which is why any woman or man who knows damn well that they like sex should have condoms around, even if they don’t expect to use them in the immediate future.
I think the current crop of 20-somethings won’t have a problem with this, it’s the ones in the middle (older than 20, younger than boring marrieds like me) who probably think there’s some *stigma* against a woman having her own condoms. I went to visit my 19 year old daughter in her dorm room, and she had a box of them sitting on her nightstand, sheesh, kids these days…. !
Johnny, where is your “women are sexually pushy” comment of the week? Don’t remember seeing it (was away for a few weeks), and I couldn’t find it…
Sad that this can still possibly be considered a controversial question. I have yet to meet a girl above 16 who hasn’t. So glad to live in Europe.
I used to assume one of two things when I wound up at a woman’s house: either she’d have no condoms, in which case we’d just have a sexy naked make-out, which is fine and fun. Or she’d have condoms and we’d have sex.
The reality, I’ve since found, is that most women don’t have the condoms, but do want the sex. So ridiculous. They’re like, “What!? You don’t have a condom!?” And I just think, “no! I’m not 15, I don’t carry a condom in my wallet! This is YOUR house, and you’re clearly a sexually active woman! Why don’t YOU have condoms?”
But I don’t say that. I just try to sell the idea that a hot sexy naked make-out is fun too. But that usually disappoints them, as per my previous “women are sexually pushy” comment-of-the-week.