Wise Guys: What Do Men Really Want to Do After Sex?

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Advice from three of EMandLO.com‘s guy friends. This week they answer the following: What do men want to do after sex? Do you buy the “women want to snuggle, men want to eat/sleep/shower” trope?To ask the guys your own question, click here.

Single Bisexual Guy (Jack): I am going to assume that this is for nocturnal sex, given how the question is worded. It is well-established that the male body releases a sleep-inducing hormone following orgasm, so sleep is a natural event, wanted or not. Personally, I’ve definitely found myself at a diner or a convenience store with my partner post-sex at 3am for food and drink, but I’ve also at times been happy to snuggle and fall asleep in each other’s arms. Some bodies just fit together perfectly for snuggling and sleep, making that very appealing. But it’s often dependent on what the partner is in the mood for, and what my feelings are for the person, whether it’s a relationship or just a random hookup or the end of a really great date. I can say that whether it is a man or a woman, I’ve found no consistent pattern – every person is different.

Married Bisexual Guy (Bryan Sebeck): I think it really depends on the guy. There are some guys who want to go right to sleep, but I think most want to do something else first. Hell, in college, I knew a guy who talked about how his favorite post-sex activity was to go down to the gym and work out. This is the very same guy who bragged about how his favorite place to have sex was in the dorm’s sauna. Personally, I’m a snuggler. My wife regularly gets on my case because she doesn’t even have a chance to get comfortable in bed before I roll over and fling a few limbs over her. In my defense, I’ve told her we’ll look at buying a new mattress such as this Sleep Number Alternative or another example that’s slightly bigger so she can have more space to get comfortable. Otherwise, I have a feeling it’s going to be separate beds or the sofa for me soon! Then again, if it’s the morning, I’m in the shower within minutes with my wife not far behind. I suppose that, like most things, it depends on a number of factors including who’s involved, the time of day, their mood, ect. If the person that you’re with does want to go to sleep and you want to cuddle, don’t fret. It doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. Take it as a complement. It means that you were so good that you wore them out.

Single Straight Guy (Nick):
This is a question where you can as 10 guys and get 15 different answers. My answer alone will change depending on the mood during sex and who I’m with. If it was a long slow passionate romantic night I’ll want to lay down with her in my arms running my fingers through her hair. If we are just having fun, being loud and silly, I may want to go out and do something fun after. Stress relief sex: if I’m stressed I just want to sleep, if she’s the one stressed, I’ll want to make the rest of the night about her (draw a warm bath for her, give her a back massage and just let her relax and enjoy the afterglow). All in all, men have the same variety of emotions, desires, and needs that women do.

Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Married Bisexual Guy is Bryan Sebeck, a newlywed engineer and artist working in Detroit, MI who blogs at A Yooper Steampunk; our Single Bisexual Guy is Jack, a software consultant based in Phoenix, Arizona who blogs at Facets of Our Lives;; and our Single Straight Guy is Nick German, a network technician based in Minnesota. To ask the guys your own question, click here.


  1. Thanks, to both of you.Ian, I actually can’t reeembmr many times I’ve been called a slut or a whore. I think this is because I’m so open about my sex life- I define myself, as a confidant sex-positive woman before people have the chance to label me as slutty. If someone listening to me talk about the great sex I had last night interrupted with a comment like isn’t that kind of skanky? they would probably look a lot less comfortable with themselves than me. On occasion though, I do get reactions like this and I usually respond with something along the lines of Heck yes it was skanky! and I see nothing wrong with that at all, coupled with a huge smile. So I think my approach is generally to address the negative comment by illustrating a way that it might not actually be that negative.I will say however that even though people don’t call me a slut or ask my friends if I’m kind of slutty?’ it’s totally possible there is a world full of people talking about me when I’m not around. Which is, you know, why I want to turn everyone into a feminist. 😉

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