Advice from three of our guy friends. This week a straight woman asks, “So what’s the deal with fake boobs — are straight guys into them or not? Does it make a difference whether they’re just looking (e.g. porn, strip club, Hollywood star) vs. touching (e.g. a hook-up)? And does it make a difference whether the hook-up is casual or relationship material?”
Gay Single Guy (Jay Dyckman): Here’s the thing about fake boobs. They work. It’s the same for gay guys. Just substitute silicone for steroids. I know plenty of guys who have gone from Plain Jane to Ripped Rita via syringe, and rollicked in all the dating perks that come with that. It is lame, they look ridiculous, but it truly, truly works. To be totally fair, though, the real equivalent would be penile implants, which are currently as effective as supergluing Play-doh around the member so it appears larger. And let me tell you, if they ever perfect the art of penile enhancement every guy you know will have an eleven-inch penis. Let me repeat: Every. Guy. You. Know. At that point, glance waist level in a locker room and it would look like something Tarzan used to traverse the jungle. Which is why it amazes — and inspires — me that every woman doesn’t have humungous breasts. You are the stronger sex. Like I said, if men were in that position, this would be a nation of Pamela Mandersons. (Oh, and indulge a gay guy: Why are “A-cup” boobs small and “D-cup” boobs big? Shouldn’t it be the reverse? As in, “Look at those grade A boobs! She’s stacked.” And flat girls are in danger of socially failing with a “D”? I mean, this is classic grading on a curve, right?)
Straight Single Guy (Tyler Barnett): As a 25-year-old, I have basically grown up surrounded by breast implants, so they don’t tend to faze me. I can recall on more than one occasion pointing out a beautiful girl, and hearing an older guy say “But she has fake boobs,” and I’m like, “So what?” To me, fake boobs usually look better than their natural counterpart (which is not to say I haven’t seen horrendous, overdone and very strange looking fake breasts). But admittedly, much like artificially flavored food, no matter how close to the original they get, the real thing always tastes better. Saline boobs tend to feel like water balloons, which can take away from the heat of the moment. I’ve felt silicone ones that were so close to the real thing it didn’t matter, but at the end of the day a soft real breast is as sexy as it gets — and I think most men would agree. Besides, bigger isn’t always better. While I appreciate a large set of melons as much as the next guy, I also think small breasts can be very sexy. Another concern is if my future wife could breastfeed. (Didn’t China just recall baby formula because it contained Melamine? No thank you.) Ultimately, though, men love breasts — big, small, real, fake, we usually are just happy to see them, feel them, sleep on them. The decision to get implants should be the woman’s without any outside influence. Whatever you decide, like the bra you wear, we men will support you.
Straight Married Guy (Jim): There’s definitely a difference between looking and touching. The only time I’ve ever (knowingly) handled fake breasts they felt like the knees of a Shaq-sized newborn: velvety-soft but concealing a hard, round mass. (That means they were cheap, right?) I have never heard my straight male friends say anything negative about the sight of fake boobs (or about the individual woman for having a surgically enhanced bust, for that matter), but displeasure has been expressed with the feel of stony fakes. Most men wouldn’t avoid a hook-up based on bust fakery, unless they’re reading into your personality through your bra. It’s still a hook-up, right? But as with anything else in the bedroom that can’t be changed through intimacy and patience alone, if it’s a turnoff for this theoretical guy, it might sink the relationship.
Our “wise guys” are a rotating group of contributors, some of whom wish to remain anonymous and some of whom like the attention. This week’s Straight Married Guy is Jim from New York, our Gay Guy is Jay Dyckman, an LA copywriter, and our Single Straight Guy is Tyler Barnett, owner of the LA PR firm Barnett Ellman. To ask the guys your own question, click here.
I think I may get a breast lift, or maybe small implants after I have kids. To me, it seems, guys love perky breasts, not deflated flat ones. It appeals to me having a good round shape to my breasts, to turn my guy on. I want to keep that as long as I can. If it makes me feel good about myself, to get implants; not huge ones that can knock someone out 🙂 but modest ones to keep me perky, I’ll do it.
Guys are visual, and see women attractive with nice round breasts. Not necessarily big knockers/jugs, but a nice hand full.
AlanK you are very funny and I think I agree with you on some of your points. Keep up the drinking and breathing!!!
“If you want to do porn, get implants.”
I actually enjoy my porn more implant-free.
it is not what you have, it is how you feel. everything is so much in your head and your attitude. the big fake tits are only good because you believe you feel better or you get more looks from guys into big tits. doesn’t mean he will like you or stay with you because of those tits. you can feel good about your small breast and even get a guy to think your small breast are the best things they ever had if you have the right attitude. just take care of yourself physically, have a great attitude and you should be just fine. big or small.
“Let me repeat: Every. Guy. You. Know. At that point, glance waist level in a locker room and it would look like something Tarzan used to traverse the jungle.”
That part seems pretty significant. And rings true. The strong impression I get is that both men and women who want to be bigger don’t appear to want large parts for better *sex,* for themselves or their partners. Instead they want them to better impress their counterparts in social situations — men with other men in locker rooms, women with other women in dressing rooms.
As for when you might actually want to do something besides *looking* I’m not sure the typical tradeoff in sliced nerve endings is worth it. Still, what’s more important to most people anyway? Looking good or feeling good? If that’s your priority then go for it. But it’s probably not cool to encourage anyone else to.
figleaf
Mike another single guy says the bigger the better. I love them. If a girl has big naturals, good for her but for those who don’t I really appreciate the investment on improving themselves. I love the way they look. They can go bra less. They look fantastic when the are laying on their back. Just love them.
straight single guy chiming in…
Keep ’em real, avoid the fake boobies at all costs. I’ve never liked the way they perform, and rarely have I seen a set that really look that good.
Now I have no idea what it feels like to carry around fun bags on my chest all day, but I imagine that adding two water balloons underneath would have to feel so foreign on top of that.
In regard to body image issues, I know if I could be 3 or 4 inches taller I’d pay a million bucks to do it, so hopefully if you choose to do it – you’re doing it for yourself and no one else.
I once dated a girl who had implants. (I may have hooked up with other girls with them, but she’s the only one I ever knew about.) She’d told me even before she hooked up that they were the best thing she’d ever done for herself, that they boosted her confidence enormously, etc., etc.
I think the fact that she was happy with them is great. The thing is, they really freaked me out. They looked great in a sweater, but they felt really inhuman when I touched them. So, I basically ignored them, which sucked for everybody. She mentioned it at some point, and I didn’t know what to say. I was repulsed by her fake breasts.
So, just one guy here saying that I much, much, much prefer natural breasts. Not all of us guys care about breast size as much as some women might think.
It’s easy: if you have no boobs (cancer surgery) and you want them back, get implants. If you want to do porn, get implants. If you can’t enjoy sex because you think your boobs are too small, get implants.
But if none of the reasons written above occur, just forget it. It’s risky, it’s expensive (if you want it to be done right), and it won’t change your life.
And one more thing from a girl with DD size: big boobs are more of a pain in the ass than an advantage. Trust me about this one.
I never want to get implants. Luckily my boyfriend absolutely detests them anyway. Sometimes I still wonder if he’ll love my boobs when I’m not in my early 20s anymore, especially after we’ve had kids. Fortunately he’s already assured me he would still love’em, kiss them, squeeze’em… yeah, haha. I’m one lucky gal.
I have asked the bf his opinion. He doesn’t care. Boobs are boobs to him. If they look great, they do the job. Although this is coming from the man who described 70s pornos as having women with “swoopy” breasts (natural) that are gross. Kinda makes me feel like I have to be a barbie to stay in the game. Wonder how he really feels about my stretched, non perky, breastfeeding boobs right now?
I can see where a guy could go for a chick with implants if they had their sights set on just a hook-up. But once you learn that breast implants can puncture, and that you have to check them every day for leakage, especially silicone ones, I think (hope) the long-term attractiveness would wear off. It’s usually not a one-time surgery or deal.
I’ve never found fake boobs appealing. To look at, or to touch.
Breast size is highly overrated as far as attractiveness goes — bigger isn’t necessarily better.
And a girl who’s comfortable with what she has is a lot sexier than one who’s pumped full of silicone.
I like women who look like women. I think there’s something vaguely creepy about men who like women who look like some sort of unpleasant fantasy. But then again, I’m old and out of date and will die soon, bearing with me also a distaste for the level of shaving that makes everyone look like a 10=year old.
Good grief, what an ideal: phony up and phony down. And people wonder why I drink.
I only encourage women to avoid getting implants because I’m attracted to smaller boobs. I’m selfish that way.