Advice from three of our guy friends. This week they answer the following: “Why do guys seem to dislike giving oral sex more than woman seem to dislike giving it?“
Gay Married Guy (Jon Ross): I’ve met a bunch of straight men and woman who dislike the pastime, which is a bit of a mystery to me — most gays just love the activity! One in my position can only speculate, but I wonder if it’s a fear of “the other” that has some people so squeamish. Sure, everyone loves sex, but some just want to keep to keep everything perfectly aligned, mouth to mouth, genitalia to genitalia. I bet the people who shy away from oral sex are just unfamiliar with how everything works down there or fear they’ll get a mouthful of a bodily fluid.
Straight Single Guy (Chris): I hate to disappoint you, but we don’t all dislike giving oral. I’m not fishing for dates here, but I personally love giving as much as receiving. I promise I can have that verified for you. I think many guys are just too anxious to get to sex. I suppose I was too when I was younger. Now that I’m a little older, I’m much more interested in leaving a good impression. My recovery time isn’t the same as it once was either, so I guess I’m compensating somewhat, but I remember always being pretty into it. I don’t know if there’s a secret. Ladies, keep things nice and trim down there: consider going with a complete “no spin zone” or maybe even a vajazzling to try to drum up some interest. (He should do be willing to do the same for you.) And speaking of reciprocation, remember the golden rule: if you give good head then hopefully you’ll get good head in return. I guess the only other advice I can give if you’re still having trouble is that you can find me on Facebook pretty easily…
Straight Married Guy (Mike): Who said that men dislike giving oral sex? Nothing is more arousing than the smell of a woman. So, just for selfish reasons, oral is a great way to start. However, there are obviously men who are repelled by the idea and women who are self-conscious, but it’s nothing that a little personal hygiene won’t cure. As for women, there seems to be much more pressure and expectation to expertly perform orally — the blowjob is a fixture of porn and is practically de rigueur. I wonder how many women really enjoy being a service provider? With either, a little communication would go a long way: as exciting as oral sex can be, there’s also nothing worse than when it is half-hearted.
As a male, I feel embarassed and ashamed at the attitude of guys like Hotchkiss… If you are in a relationship with a girl, it assumes that you care about her, and if you care about her then you want to please her. A relationship – sexual or otherwise – is about give and take, sometimes you do end up doing things you don’t particularly want to but then it works both ways.
From a personal point of view, I initially wasn’t keen on going down on a girl, but I stuck at it, and as I did it more and got better at it (well, I hope I have!!!:o) ) the more I have enjoyed it, in particular seeing the response of the woman I’m with. I totally agree with many of the responses that have looked on oral sex as not just foreplay but part of the main event, it is a very intimate act which shows you want to give pleasure to the recipient.
As long as any woman I am with lets me, I will more than happily continue to improve my skills at giving oral sex. Thank you, ladies! :o)
Hotchkiss, make excuses much?
You said:”but on the subject of taste how many of you women are wiling to swallow semen?” Um, yeah. All the time.It isn’t a big deal. So what? (And My Man tells me that it is totally possible to give a woman oral sex without swallowing, if you don’t want to swallow (he usually CHOOSES to) if you do it RIGHT. He’s been at it for more than 25 years, virtually daily, so I’m guessing he knows more about than a guy who NEVER gives any.).
My husband thinks giving and getting oral sex is the “funnest” thing in the world. In fact, he says he’d rather give it than get it (but he won’t turn down a BJ and I’m always happy to oblige.)
The women who say they don’t climax from PIV intercourse are right, less than 10% of women can orgasm from penis in vaginal intercourse.
Even if they can, just plain PIV with no frills is….repetitive. There so much more to Good Sex than just sticking it in, pumping a few times and him getting to orgasm. SO so so so much more.
Sad you feel differently.
My Man has said he would never stay with a woman who isn’t into oral (as well as a hell of a lot of other stuff) and I have to agree, dropped a boy I in HS and college who was pussiphobic, too.
Have you tried a dental dam? That will eliminate the “smell” you keep talking about. (Funny, in well over 20 years, I’ve never heard my man mention a THING about smell. Maybe because he KNOWS what a woman is supposed to smell and taste like……sex.)
^ He’s selfish and lame. Lots of guys would do anything for a woman like you too!
To be honest with you, I would KILL for my boyfriend to go down on me. I shave *every* day, wash myself twice a day, and I’m willing to pretty much do anything. As long as it doesn’t involve another man, woman, or animal I’m usually up for it. For the life of me, I *cannot* get my boyfriend to go down on me. He says he doesn’t like the taste, and doesn’t even want to try flavored lubes. What’s up with this???
Guys that dont do are so lame. They like getting it. but do not recpricate. Here is the deal: if you dont like giving it -then you should have no expectation of getting any. Man or woman. But keep in mind that when you are not getting the essential thing that makes you happy and bonds you with your lover-you will evenutally become disinterested in them. You will not be satisfied and that is a crack in the foundation for someone else to enter the picture.
For all of those people that like getting and giving oral sex -stand on this side of the room-and the rest of you are on your own. (lol)
LATE response, but vegetarians DO taste better.
I am a vegeteraian and I went down on my vegetarian boyfriend at the time and I was caught off guard at how seriously *delicious* it was.
Never would I ever categorize semen as delicious, but this was.
I’m a man and i’ll be honest I do not enjoy giving oral sex to women. Theres to many variables and its a enclosed location which = sweat, stds, weird smells, and eggs… hmmmmm uh no
wow so far all people here have just been bashing anyone that stands up and says i don’t like giving oral or my man doesn’t like/ doesn’t do it, and that’s a bunch of crap if you ask me who are all of you to tell other people what they like and or don’t like there are just as many women who refuse sexual act as men. my gf wont give me head so in return i don’t go down on her. i also agree with misspiggy’s man we pretty much do 98% of the work and you just lay there and many of you even have the audacity to complain about not climaxing or it not feeling good and you want oral well talk about unfairness we work our asses off for what(it’s certainly not for ourselves where as it may feel good men can come very easily period we don’t require oral) for you to complain that we don’t do something that you want? that’s more selfish then anything else i can think of so before you start condemning men for not doing something look at the situation look how much more we do for you already and maybe try to tilt the scales a little more before you even think about complaining whether to his face or not. other then that little rant (sorry i don’t mean to offend anyone i just get worked up over stuff like that) i personally dislike both smell and taste of a woman but I’m still willing to deal with it and or find a way around it so to all of you men who use that as an excuse you know full well that there are ways around it that goes for women too if you know your man doesn’t like the taste there are edible body creams made just for that(and that works for both smell and taste so i recommend them) go get some and suggest that he try it or if you are uncomfortable with using those types of things there are candies that your guy can eat that have a strong enough flavor to completely block pretty much any other taste i personally use warheads hard candies and have had great results not only do i not taste it it also makes your mouth water so if your girl doesn’t “get wet” easily or whatever it’ll help you to provide lubrication without spitting on her because many women dislike that. . . . a lot and i agree that’s wrong to do there are other ways to accomplish the same thing, but on the subject of taste how many of you women are wiling to swallow semen? not many im guessing since i have had multiple partners and not one was willing to do so, where as men giving oral don’t really have a choice in the matter your fluids are getting in our mouths period and we reflexively swallow so we can continue (more food for thought). as for smell like i said body creams work wonders but if that’s not enough try something a little more adventurous like sex in a hot tub or pool therefor providing underwater oral to eliminate that as a possibility if that’s not a possibility incense in large quantity as well as candles (the type of thing you see in cheap pornos with the foggy room that they go into although corny as hell it’s actually extremely arousing for a guy because the first thing trough his head is that porno he saw when he was twelve, sex is on the mind) work to help eliminate scents as well but i would strongly advise discussing it with your partner first using myself as an example i cant breathe with so much smoke in the air and we had to spend almost 3days airing the room out before the smell went away no on to my directory comments
@ emandlo: not gonna lie you are being extremely hypocritical with william although i do see your point he probably should have moderated himself but you allowed many people to bash anyone that says they don’t like giving it so it’s rather unfair that you singled him out in this since we’re all supposed to be adults about this
@ carol: so you are claiming that a woman is not directly stimulated during sex i find that extremely hard to swallow maybe you should look more into the way you have sex then rather then condemning men who don’t give oral
@ expecting: well you got your name’s sake already so I’m not gonna chew you out but i would at least recommended you try it at least once with a girl you are really into who knows you may have the opposite effect that you think you may really like it or at least you could learn ways to tolerate it as i have anyways you should always at least try something once that being said i also feel that women should be willing to try anal with there men it’s more then just sex that becomes a trust thing “do you trust your man to be gentle enough with anal?” but if the man has little to no experience with it you should do some research before you do it otherwise injury could occur and you’ll probably lose her trust for life
Anal sex can be extremely painful, can actually cause injury if done wrong, and could possibly result in a humiliating “accident.”
For these reasons I reject the anal/oral comparison. I can be with a woman who doesn’t want it in the butt, enjoy that though I do. No oral though? No way. Make an effort.
Wow! oral sex is certainly not about power since both parties receive and give willingly with no games involved (probably from the excitement of the performance)and the fact that you think so says to me you are immature since, as you claim, you have had no damaging psychological experiences with this topic or you are a liar which still comes down to a problem psychologically with lying.
Of course women love to have a man put both his lips and tongue on their clitoris labia vagina or whatever part there can be!
when you have showered, douched, shaved (no fun for women by the way guys way more delicate than weed whacking around the flag pole), dressed, stimulated, waited for the right time, till he’s not tired, till he’s fed, till it’s the weekend, when you have exhausted every possibility it comes down to selfish, uncaring, lack of respect, bad attitudes.
women run from this type of man he is a game player and is only into himself and always will be no matter how he sugarcoats it.
I’m a guy who doesnt like giving oral.
I hear alot about guys being either selfish, gay, or psychologically dammaged. i am not.
I enjoy recieving oral sex but frankly i prefer vaginal sex and if oral was to be an exchange kind of item, i have on more than one occasion made it abundantly clear that i dont expect it at all if im not giving it. i usually cant climax just from oral. and i’ve had it happen on occasion that it takes so long to get me going with oral that it basically kills the mood.
I would never say a woman who didn’t like getting anal was gay, sexualy selfish or abused as a child. I would never put anal sex as a non-negotiable item.
in my opinion oral sex is about power. lots of people are into sexual power games, and thats fine. but im not. I’ll play a part sometimes if thats what my girlfreinds want. but its not something im into. and i see oral sex that way, its about using someone else for your pleasure. I don’t find any intimacy in it. maybe others do, in not saying there isnt, but what makes it a turn off for me is thats how i feel about it.
My husband has never been into giving oral sex. It’s sometimes disappointing but it’s just not for him & I understand….kinda lol He has never liked it before me & when we first got together he made it clear to me that it would be a rare occasion. Once in awhile he’ll decide to do it but usually it’s when I’m coming out of the shower, we are REALLY in the moment or he’s been drinking. Def. not enough though. I know I’m very clean & I shower usually twice a day. Also hair is NOT a issue at all for me; very well groomed!! My previous bf’s were into it. I just think that most guys like going down on a woman but there is def. a select few that are just not into it. I like to give & it doesn’t kill me that he doesn’t always return because I get worked up enough just giving him head.
@Johnny, YAY for your girlfriend and all us proud rimmers. 😀
For future reference: chocolate frosting works way better than chocolate sauce. 🙂
Thanks Em & Lo. That’s a story I generally don’t share, cause it’s gross, but I’ve never been so prompted to before.
Since I already told the main bit… it all began when I took my little lady to Max Brenner. There she saw a syringe full of chocolate. She looked at the syringe and grinned, then looked at me. Then looked back at the syringe, grinning, and looked back at me.
I said, “NO.” She said, “Yessss!”
Anyway, it was a a mess, and there’s one hotel in Manhattan that I don’t think we’re welcome at anymore.
Personally, I find it really unfortunate that people don’t link to pictures of aforementioned activities, because, you know, a picture is worth a thousand words, and all that… 🙂