Your Call: Can I Tell My Married Boyfriend’s Wife About Us?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

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Dear Em & Lo,

I have been having an affair with my supervisor for the past two years. Yes, he is married, but he made promises to me to leave her. She suspected us but he denied it, but when she tried to overdose on pills he called it off with me. He tells me he and his wife are over, too, but I don’t know if that’s true. I know we had a special love, and he is just calling it off out of guilt. Do I tell her?

— Cheatin’ (at) Hearts



  1. Some states recognize a tort of interference with a marriage. Other states recognize a claim of alienation of affection, with the outside party being brought into the claim as the proximate cause of the alienation. There can be serious consequences to telling your former paramour’s spouse. As for him telling you, once again, that it is over between him and his wife, don’t believe it. According to your description, he’s lied to you about leaving his wife before. When she makes the call to the divorce lawyer, you may find yourself part of a lawsuit.

  2. Telling her isn’t going to get you what you want or any kind of happy ending. It will only create a shit storm of the emotional and legal variety. Did you know the other woman/ man can be sued? Just walk away and find a man with some decency.

  3. My feeling is that if he was going to tell her and leave her he would have done so *before* getting involved with you.

    You’re most likely filling a void that his wife wasn’t providing- sex, happiness (she sounds pretty depressed) or just that “new relationship” feeling which he’s probably lost years ago with his wife.

    Find someone worthy of your time- if he’s doing this to her, what’s stopping him from doing it to you in the future?

  4. What are you trying to do, finish his wife off? Don’t be sadistic. Just walk away. And remeber in the future not to take a cheater at his word.

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