Your Call – How Can I Convince Him He's the Best in Bed?

photo by Icrontic

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below:

Dear Em & Lo,

I’m writing for two reasons. I have finally found someone that I fit really well with, and I hope we’ll be able to form a lasting relationship (we’re both in our 40s/50s, and both divorced). As we are getting to know each other, I want to assure him that he is very special to me. Trouble is, I’m a highly sexed, multi-orgasmic woman. While I didn’t have a satisfying sex life during my 11-year marriage, afterwards, I was determined to explore all that I missed. And boy was I missing a lot! I have found over the last six years of being single, that when I’m with someone that I have chemistry with, I am easily turned on and I can stay turned on pretty much until exhaustion sets in. So I have been with quite a few men who are able to make me start coming after 4 or 5 minutes of foreplay, and then I’ll have literally dozens of orgasms over the next hour or two of play. Not all of them are huge orgasms, but it’s not like the first one is huge and everything after is less. And sometimes, when I’m really wound up, I’ll have a series of orgasms that just keep rolling out for a few minutes, even after my partner stops stimulating me. Suffice to say, I’m really happy with my sex life in general, whether or not the person I’m with ends up to be someone I want to hang around with long-term.

So my trouble is, my new guy is fabulous in many many ways, and he’s self-confident enough to know he can give me what I need. But I sense he also wishes that the pleasure he gives me was better than anyone ever before. How do I assure him it’s not the level of pleasure, it’s the person providing the pleasure and how much I care about him that really matters?

And my second reason for writing is, do you have any stats on how usual or unusual my ability to have lots of orgasms is? Are there stats out there somewhere for that sort of thing? I’ve just always been curious, but don’t have enough close female friends to be able to conduct my own poll. Thanks for any info you can offer!

— Lucky Lady

What should Lucky Lady do? And can you help her conduct an informal poll as to how usual her ability is?


  1. Ah. My wife started out not having many. By year 5 she was having two or three. By the age of 45 she had ten with 20 being max for one day. She averaged 5 to seven until her hysterectomy then she dropped down to three or four. I think the perimenopause is what it was. Hormones kicked in. But it was great while it lasted. Like being a kid again. I remember she had 8 in the back seat at the movie theater parking lot. I miss those days.

  2. Why not “fib” a little bit and tell him he makes you feel things you’ve never felt before. Men are competitive…so of course he wants to feel like your best lover. Is it so fucking hard to give a guy some assurance? Of course you’ve probably already told him how you’ve “discovered” your multi-orgasmic and he doubts where he stands.

  3. I also recently found out that I’m multi orgasmic….jus tonight I orgasm while he was going down on me and then 11 times during sex!!! Before it’s jus been once possibly twice!!! But this is like unbelievable sex breath taking what I’ve always dreamed of!!!! He loves my body and I love his and what he does with it and his tongue!!! Guess that makes for a great combo!!!

  4. I agree that you should never have shared that you are multi orgasmic with others. That was where you went wrong. Perhaps all those orgasms did something to your brain?

  5. I don’t have any stats on this. But my best guess is that it is fairly uncommon. Most women I have talked to struggle to achieve orgasm and can’t achieve it with men they have just met.

    How do you convince your man he is “good enough” in bed? Well, first of all, there is no reason to give him too many details about your past lovers. No one really wants to hear about their lover’s past lovers.

    Secondly, why tell him that you always get series of organisms? Why not just let him discover it? If he asks whether this is usually the case, don’t lie to him. But you don’t say “yup, it always happens, even with men I barely know”. You can just say that it has happened before.

  6. Count me in on the multi-orgasmic tally and am in my early 40’s. I don’t know if it’s my lover or me or the combination of the us, but it’s incredible. I’m finding new ways to just experience them and him. I do wish it could be the same for him though. He’s so unselfish.

    Joe, I have found that it all hinges on that very deep connection of love and trust being solid. When I am not connected to my lover for some emotional reason, it doesn’t happen.

    My marriage was to a sexually abusive man who took orgasm away from me for nearly 9 years. I wondered if it would come back when I left him. It is a blessing.

  7. I think you’re doing fine and so is he. I’d love to be your lover.

    Enjoy, and stop fretting.

  8. To hell with the stats, let the rest of us in on how you became so easily multi-orgasmic.

    I think it’s probably rare for someone starting a new relationship with someone in their 40s or 50s to be the best ever. You wouldn’t want to be less good than somebody else, but I don’t think you can expect more than being one of the best.

    One possible way to talk about it is if the love makes the sex better in some way.

  9. Lucky lady
    I am in the same boat with you. After a rather boring sexually, 13 year marriage, I have found a whole new world of sex. I love it and am too multi-orgasm blessed. I say blessed because for serveral years I was lucky enough to have one.
    I am now with a wonderful man, who always asks if he is the “best” I have ever had. I try to assure him he is, because it is the person you are with. I can come just giving him oral. All I know to tell you, is there are women in your same boat, and I would love to hear the feedback you get. In my situation there is an age difference, I am much younger than him, which may be the need to feel he is the best. Thanks for asking the question I have been wondering for awhile.

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