Dear Em & Lo,
I have a male friend whose company I enjoy very much (I’ve known him for about 3 months). He’s very much attracted to me (or he just wants sex) and we hang out when we can and talk on the phone almost everyday. We are both single at the moment and he’s tried several times to initiate sex and said on numerous occasions that he would like to sleep with me. I don’t believe in casual sex (feel free to judge). I am attracted to him and would have considered sex if I thought there was a possibility of a long-term relationship. At the moment I don’t see anything of the sort, even though he likes me, it seems to me like he is weighing his options. Since I am still single and find myself engaging his company more often, what should be my best course of action?
— Holding Out
Your Call: How Can I Tell If He Wants More Than Sex?
Yeah I know what you mean…I have this idea and belief that men just want to have sex with multiple woman and they don’t care to hurt your feelings…Any guy can have sex with multiple woman..It takes someone special that wants to have sex with that one special person and continue to grow with it makeing it better and better…where would a girl find this man…leave me a message as to where to find this one special man….Becky
I agree with Sarah…
besides maybe he does not love you.. but he cares, tries to do things you like.. so obviosly its not just about sex.. I mean what are you gonna lose?!!!
if you told him what you want , you might freek the guy out…
longterm relations cannot be planned, you never know, he might be the “one”. you like to be with the guy, this means he has good qualities, dig for more!!!
3 months he could ditch you, and you could do the same, none of you did, I guess he is worth trying…
Girl, tell him what u want..he should know that if you too are really “friends” u must have discussed as friends what you are looking for in a relationship…and let the chips fall where they may. It is nice and flattering to have a man desire you..but keeping him around, and not telling him the truth is a bit selfish on your part as well. He was at least honest with what he wanted, no games..so u are kind of playing one yourself if you keep him in your life, and you aren’t being straight up and honest with him too
if he has been seeing you for 3 months without sex just go for it. he obviously cares or he would have ditched you by now.!!
if he has been seeing you for 3 months without sex just go for it. he obviously cares or he would have ditched you by now.
Girl LEAVE HIM ALONE!!! Just like the movie title “He’s Not That Into You” lol…he says he wants sex.HE JUST WANTS SEX…I just let go of a guy I held on to for almost a year and a half, because I kept hoping that by giving him my body,time, and even money(yea i was stupid) that he would eventually fall in love and committ to me…boy was i wrong. He even told me he cared about me and he could see us together in the future(of course all these things were said after 2 hours of amazing sex….anyways,save yourself for someone who will focus on the great things about you,not your body…let this one go…NOW
When a guy says he wants to have sex with you,sweetheart, that’s exactly what he wants and nothing else matters until he gets what he really wants. And after his done he will walk and leave you standing. I believe you know what to do.
WELL , FOR ME IT`S OK TO DO IT . BUT CHOOSE THE RIGHT GUY. WHAT I MEAN THAT YOU LIKE AND LOVE THAT GUY. BECA– USE MY SITUATION IS , IM MARRIED BUT SEPARATED.I DONT HAVE A BABY. AND MY INTENTION IS JUST TO HAVE A BABY EVEN WITHOUT A HUSBAND…IT`S A CASE TO CASE BASES. IF THE GUY WANTS TO MARRY YOU IT`S BETTER…THEN YOU CAN TELL THAT HE IS NOT UP TO SEX ONLY…GOOD LUCK GUYS…
LOL, I don’t know why people find it so confusing to understand exactly what a person want is what they are saying. The man said he wanted to have sex w/ you. Not date you, not marry you, not see if there is any potential for any thing long term. Did he you on a date to any very public place? Even if he asks you out he might then take you to a some what less crowded place. this might mean that he’s trying to stay low key to keep his wife or girlfriend from finding out. Even if he brings you flowers or any number of exquisite gift doesn’t it mean he wants anything other than sex. After all men have been known to give homes, cars and play money to women just for sex. So unless you’re willing to let him tap that A$$ tell him to hit the road. I know I would’ve sent him away three months ago. Any man that I meet who tells me that he wants to have sex w/ me right off doesn’t get a second chance to say that. I’m not running a free bed, booty call and breakfast combo.
Dude here. Sorry to be blunt, but if he didn’t want sex then there is something wrong with him.
If he keeps on going out with you even if you say no ring no nookie, then he must like you alot.
I have been in almost exact position you are in just recently. I was talking to this guy for about 5 months, we hung out we talked everyday all day on the phone through talking or texting. Well into the months of us talking we were never established as “Boyfriend-Girlfriend”. We were sleeping together and talking everyday, but no title. So I mentioned it to him and i got a slack ass answer like he dosent wanna rush things. Well I took that as “No, I dont want a relationship right now’ So I blew him off and put up my wall. Well he was very upset with that and he texted me everday and called me everyday for 4 days saying he was wrong, and he did want one with me. Well as soon as I swallowed my pride, he said it was too late I hurt him. So I was left broken hearted, and felt like a fool. How can you change your mind so quickly? All my friends say that it was just part of his game. Well my friend the only way you are ever going to find out is if you tell him and dont re-act the way I did. Listen to him and listen to yourself. Dont let your your friends or your pride get in the way of a potentially great relationship.
Not sure if this is true of the majority of men (and not being a guy myself), but I read in a book recently that men will often use sex to determine compatibility, so things will stay very casual until you have sex, and then they weigh whether or not they want to continue the relationship/take it to the next level…is this true, at least on some level, for the guys out there?
First of all, what do you want?
Next, have you told him?
If so. What did he say? There is your answer.
Dont believe him? Go find a guy you trust.
Stop playing games and let him know how you feel. How about “you do make me hot, but I need a commitment” or something.
We are not mind readers.
And contrary to what others may think, we do not all think of sex constantly, after we grow up. There are good men just like there are good women. I would bend over backwards to please you in every way if you were the one for me, and you told me what you wanted. If not, I have plenty of “friends.”
Be honest and open and the truth will shine through, one way or the other.
UNLESS, you are asking for “permission” to have casual sex with this guy? No one can give you permission except yourself. Casual sex rarely if ever evolves into anything else, if you can handle that, go for it, if you feel it not be in your best interests, either find what wtf is going on, (he doesn’t need to give you details or a 5 year plan, just some idea of what kind of relationship HE thinks you two are in) or move on.
OR, you just want a male freind around, which is fine……unless he contiually expresses the desire to have sex with you. Then, he’s either going to be a Fuck Buddy or a boyfriend, if you don’t want the former, and he doesn’t want the latter, what IS going on? You’ll have to find out, (and don’t expect HIM to bring it up, he’s a guy. HE wants to get in your pants, no matter what his “relationship motives” are. If he has even given it any thought.)
In good “Platonic” relationships, the guy usually keeps his lust on the down low, and if you haven’t given him any reason to think you are going to have sex, he’s really not reading your signs. In other words, Platonic relationships WORK if there is no sex, once you screw, (or give the indication that you WOULD screw, like say kissing and petting) the mechanics of the relationship change and it is nearly impossible to get back to the “hanging around” thing.
Because even while you are perusing the On Demand Menu on your cable….he’s thinking about having sex with you, while you’re making popcorn in the kitchen…..he’s thinking about sex with you, while you are telling him a funny story about how you ALMOST got a ticket……he’s thinking about having sex with you.
Just one more question: Are you making out with him? At all? If so, and he ISN’T taking you out, or you aren’t meeting his friends and family, he’s not meeting your friends and family, and he seems to be putting no effort into the “relationship” etc, HE’S still thinking it’s casual. If he isn’t spending some cash on you, (yes) and showing you around, and you are continuing to make out with him, all he sees is a booty call.
You’re going to need to sort it out, for health and good of both of you.
Does he take you out? Do you know his friends and does he know yours? Are you often seen out in public together? Do you share meals, anywhere other than in one of your residences? If none of these things are happening, this is just the longest Booty Call in history. (And he is one hella patient guy.)
If you are both over the age of 15, dating and relationships require more effort than just “hanging out.” At least, I think so. Did he get you anything for Valentine’s Day? (Waits for fallout from the anti-VD crowd.) Is there genuine affection from him? C’mon, you’re a woman, use your intuition, THEN talk to him.
You need to find out if you two are “in a relationship” and get a feeling of what kind. If he isn’t taking you out, you two aren’t meeting each others’ friends, and all you do is talk, “hang out” and he tries to get you to have sex, it’s not much of a “relationship.”
I understand the not wanting to have casual sex with this guy, (If he isn’t at least taking you out, I don’t blame you.) but find out what HE wants and let him know what YOU want.
Then, either break it off, (because if he just wants a Fuck Buddy and you aren’t into it, it’s not worth just “keeping him around” as he will continue to think he’ll get you into bed, and you’ll continue to think there’s more to it, and both of you will be disappointed and eventually resentful.) or jump on for a ride, which will most likely end in a broken heart on your part, if you really like him.