Your Call: How Do I Give Women a Heads Up About My Penis?

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

Hi Em & Lo!

Women’s advice on my situation would be much appreciated.

Imagine this: You like everything about a man, you get to the bedroom, you don’t like what you see as the undies come down.

So… I would like to know if anyone has any ideas on how I can let a girl know, ASAP, that I have a small (in my eyes, and hands!) penis. I measure an average L: 5.5 G: 4.5-5.

I understand that a lot of girls would be happy with this size, but I also understand that a lot of women will not. How do I let her know, so that she can make her mind up to go or stay ASAP, so that neither of us get hurt or, in her case, disappointed. I think it would be best for us to not waste each other’s time, so that we can both find someone who appreciates us.


— Average Joe



  1. I don’t know if this will help you or make it worse, but I know, myself, that I can usually predict what’s in a guy’s pants via my x-ray vision. Kidding! It’s by what I can see of his crotch before the pants ever come off. Even if it doesn’t look too promising, if I’m already into the guy it won’t matter that much if he seems to be on the small side. 5.5″ is not small tho’, it’s average.

  2. Yeah, any woman who walks out after seeing an average-sized penis is a total asshole, and I don’t see it happening. AJ’s letter is another example of how we’re made to feel overly self-conscious and dissatisfied with what we have. Just to cement that AJ is average, studies quoted online vary a bit in what they consider average, but it’s clear that it falls somewhere between 5 and 6 inches. Too much of the time, it’s not reality that breeds the dissatisfaction. Rather, it’s an influence in the person’s life that applies leverage and pries loose the misguided thought. For some fashion models, the influence is the regular scrutiny that they face.

  3. Joe,

    No woman is going to run when she see’s your penis.I’d probably bolt if you tried to have a talk about your perfectly normal penis size. If you think that the seduction, conversation or whatever leads to sex is a waste of time then you should probably hire a hooker. Most women are having sex with the person and not just the penis.


  4. Thanks for your advice, everyone.
    So, to some up, I shouldn’t say anything?

    The only reason I asked, was to basically save the awkwardness later on, know what I mean? Like…

    If I go out on a few dates with someone, go for a nice meal, we like each other etc. Then when it comes down to the first time we have sex, she walks out when she see’s it. That means both of us have wasted a lot of time, when we could have been talking to other people. Know what I mean?

  5. I don’t have a lot to add. Your penis size sounds fine. Your attitude and self image sound like they need work, and bringing up your perception that you are underendowed sound like it would backfire and sabotage more than anything else.

    If you haven’t already, I would read a good book or two on sexual technique, female anatomy, and how to become skilled at performing oral sex.

    I would also focus much more on being friends/friendly with a prospective partner, and if the two of you like each other and enjoy each other’s company (and you are attracted to each other), then feel free to become intimate. That may alleviate some of your anxieties.

    Good luck!

  6. I would be more turned off by an awkward conversation about a dude’s dick than by any size. Yours sounds like a normal size. I don’t personally know any women who would dump a man only because of his size. Stop worrying about it.

    Side note: why do so many men keep asking questions like this? Women usually give similar answers about size not mattering much.

  7. Are you looking for reasons to sabotage a potential tryst/relationship/etc. If you want to inform her about your penis size ASAP, you’re obviously not interested in determining whether you and your potential partner are truly compatible. I am sure that most women, if you start off this way, will indicate their displeasure. However, it will have nothing to do with your physical attributes.

  8. I feel like that’s such an average size that no one is going to be surprised by it. I don’t think that you have something so far from the norm that it warrants having an awkward/alarming conversation about it. You should be perfectly happy with your dick size. Just use your mouth to give some enthusiastic oral if you’re worried. I would forgive anything for good, enthusiastic head.

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