Your Call: My 53-Year-Old GF Slept with 20-Year-Old Guys

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call on the letter below by leaving your advice in the comments section. 

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Dear Em & Lo,

I’m 55 and my lady is 53. We are both divorced. She has slept with several guys that are 20. The guys are all friends. Each gave her # to the other after they where done with her. Within a week of getting the # and talking on the phone she had each one come over and slept with them. She hasn’t ever met the guys before this. She says she doesn’t know why.

I’m having a hard time thinking she may want to do this again. How do I trust her knowing she doesnt know why? Doesn’t this mean she could do it again if she doesn’t know why?

— Old Buck

What should Old Buck do? Leave your advice in the comments section below.



  1. I say embrace it , she if she wil let you join them or watch and show her a great time after.
    not all will agree with this i am sure. but one never knows until one tries something. if it does not work out , move on . i cant judge her because guys would do the same thing if they could, why should she not enjoy her sexuality?

  2. I agree with ralphie & Johnny. She damn well knows why, but when you pressed her, she sensed your judgment/insecurity and said she didn’t know. I’m hearing a lot of slut shaming lurking beneath your letter. Just because she would have sex with younger men she just met doesn’t mean she’s going to cheat on you.
    Also, where do I find a man like Johnny? 🙂

  3. I’ll clear up the “why” for you: she did it because she was horny and had a chance to bang partners less than half her age, just like any single person in their 50’s would. You’d sleep with a hot 20-year old woman, wouldn’t you? And you wouldn’t need some profound explanation for doing so, would you?

    Same with her. She did it because it turned her on – because she very much enjoyed being treated like a sex object by a stable of young studs. Totally normal. You’re just feeling a little insecure and threatened by this. That’s normal too.

    As for whether you can trust her, I can’t call that. Anyone’s partner might cheat on them. What are you gonna do though, spend forever alone?

    My only question here is why she would share this with you. Some men – like me – get off on hearing shit like that. Others feel absolutely disgusted when they learn of their partner’s sexual past. There’s very little middle ground.
    Given her age and experience, she knows this. Maybe she thought it’d turn you on to hear her kinks? Maybe she’s putting your sense of confidence and security to the test?

  4. Your question leaves out some vital information. Was “your lady” doing this while you were in an exclusive relationship with her, or was this before you were involved. If it’s the latter, get over it or move on. Everyone is entitled to their past. Her only mistake was giving you to much information about her sexual history (sexual health, yes; there is no need to know all the details about each of her partners or why she decided to play around with a group of younger guys). If this is while you were in an exclusive relationship, then you need to determine whether it’s time to move on. If this occurred while the two of you were in a non-exclusive relationship, then maybe it’s time for the two of you to sit down and determine what are the terms of your relationship.

    Oh, and I’m sure that a 53 year old woman knows why she slept around with a group of 20 year old men (they’re young; they have the energy and enthusiasm of youth; they showed an interest in her that many men her own age had probably not shown her; she was sowing her own oats and having some fun). She was also prudent enough not to share the answer with you.

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