Your Call: My Boyfriend Is Obsessed with the Money Shot

photo via flickr

We get a lot of advice questions coming in at EMandLO.com, but sadly, we just can’t answer them all. Which is why, once a week, we turn to you to decide how best to advise a reader. Make your call by leaving your advice in the comments section below. 

Dear Em & Lo,

I have been dating this guy for a while now. We have been intimate and everything has been great… up until he ultimately finishes. If you catch my drift. He will literally stand up and try to come all over me… face and down. When he first did it, I was honestly in shock. I had no idea, and I tried to play it cool, and nicely voiced that I didn’t like that. But as I see it, he’s into that, and maybe he won’t ultimately finish unless it’s all over me? I see it upsets him that I don’t like it.

I have told him he’s been watching too many pornos and that doesn’t go down everywhere, but perhaps this is a new thing, like getting Brazilians and such? I appreciate any advice offered on how to deal with Mr. Squirtle.

– Don’t Pour Your Sugar on Me

What should DPYSOM do? Let her know in the comments below…


  1. Just to be clear, did you actually ask him WHY he wants to come all over you? Or did you just assume that “But as I see it, he’s into that, and maybe he won’t ultimately finish unless it’s all over me?”

    If he can’t explain why he Needs to ejaculate all over you, then he is a jerk and you should have some self-worth and move on. But maybe this really is his fetish. And if it is his kink, then you need to make a decision about if this kink is a deal breaker in your relationship. It is ok if it is a deal breaker for you. You do not have to stay with someone who has a kink that you have to participate in and that makes you unhappy/uncomfortable/degraded/etc.

    If this isn’t his fetish and he just thinks it makes him look like a porn star or he think this is normal bedroom behavior (it isn’t), then you need to sit him down one last time and tell him that you absolutely do not enjoy this act and that if he does it again, you are done with him. And stick to your guns.

  2. The “Money Shot” is disgustingly disrespectful to a woman; nothing else can be said of it. If I were a woman and a man wanted to do this to me it would be an immediate deal-breaker, if he surprised me with it he’d get his ass kicked.
    As a man, it would be hard for me to respect a woman who wanted this done to her, or allowed this disgusting act to be performed upon her.

  3. This is clearly a respect issue. It’s not a question of him giving you a facial. This can relate to any particular act. The problem is that he’s performing an act that a) you do not like, b) without your consent, and c) continuing to do it after you expressed your desire that he stop. A relationship needs to be based on the two people respecting one another. If he cannot learn to respect your wishes, it’s time for you to move on.

  4. I’ve gotta believe that if he disregards your feelings on this, he’s also guilty of it in other areas. And seeing that you’ve attempted to make excuses for him furthers my suspicions.

  5. Tell him you really want to finish by standing over him and peeing on his face. Not that you may want to do that, but just to see what his response is. Not asking before hand where or what he should do with his load when the time comes is just rude.

  6. I can understand that some women might prefer their partners to do “money shots.” — after all ejaculation outside the body reduces (but doesn’t eliminate) cleanup time, pregnancy risk, and rates of STI transmission. And while some women like DPYSOM are squeamish about body fluids or feel insulted or demeaned when a partner does it some others seemingly do find it sensual and/or sexy.

    I am not, however, sure why men who aren’t fetishists or phobics would rather get their orgasms from masturbation instead of through intercourse, fellatio, or even frottage with an enthusiastic partner.

    I really can’t understand why anyone but a phobic or fetishist would prefer masturbation over orgasms from intercourse or oral after a partner makes it clear she wants him to ejaculate in rather than on her.

    If you don’t like it and he won’t stop suggest that if he really prefers masturbation to sex with you he can go (be a) jerk off at his place.


  7. I’ve always thought the moneyshot was a deal breaker. I can mentally handle a lot of other perfectly good options like back, butt, belly, etc, but why would anyone ‘have’ to finish on a woman’s face? I feel like it’s an ultimate power move, and I tend to believe it has some roots in a man’s issues with women as a whole.

    He didn’t ask and did it in the first place= deal breaker; now that you’ve expressed how you feel about it and he still wants to= get outta there!

  8. grr, trying to moneyshot you without asking you first (that first time, where he *surprised* you). That is incredibly not cool.

    If he hadn’t done that, I would suggest you tell him you want to try it, but take it slow, since you might still not like it. And if he didn’t pressure you, that means he’s a keeper. And you might even learn you like it.

    But he obviously doesn’t care about not pressuring you into doing something you don’t want. In fact, he didn’t even think it was relevant to ask you. And that’s not on accident; only an idiot wouldn’t realize that sex act has dominance implications. And you say “he will”, like he keeps doing this, even though he knows you don’t want it?

    DTMFA. Run for the hills.

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